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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Actress Offline
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Post Insecure forever - December 15th 2010, 10:03 PM

hi everyone,
I am going to take a shot at a different approach on explaining my issues.
Most people think that girls with lots of make up, fancy hairstyles, short tight skirts and who are always chatting up guys have the most confidence. But that isn't true. I pile on loads of make up because I feel as if I'm too ugly to be seen without it. I wear a short tight skirt because it makes me feel like I then look daring when inside I feel so vulnerable and scared. I chat up boys and act kind of hyper slutty because if I don't then everyone can see who I really want to be with, and how insecure I really am.
I hate my entire body and I've tried so many dangerous ways of changing my looks. I don't care about my health or well being. I just want to feel comfortable in my own body no matter how much I hurt myself trying to achieve that 'perfect' figure.
Please help me. I have no where else to turn.

Last edited by Katrina; December 17th 2010 at 04:04 PM. Reason: Images removed; please see note in post below.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Insecure forever - December 17th 2010, 04:00 PM

Hey again, Mary.

Okay, first thing I want to say is that I think you're absolutely the most precious thing I've ever seen. Seriously. I love your hair AND I love your style. (: My sense of fashion was so foolish when I was thirteen - you're seriously rockin' out the New York City Metro awesome look. I can hardly even get over it. Seriously. You are beautiful. And more importantly, I know you're very intelligent and mature because I can see it from your posts. Check out your signature - rock star?!

Second thing: a few weeks ago, a friend of mine and I were thinking about stuff we wish we could've told our younger selves at 15. I know you're not quite 15 just yet, but a LARGE amount of both of what we would've said went a little like this, "Don't be concerned about what everyone else thinks - no one else CARES; they're too busy worrying about themselves! Focus on your school and your grades, focus on staying healthy, focus on your friends, and just be a KID!" And really, it's true. At nineteen, I look back over my teenage years, and I'm telling you, you don't have to be something you're not! You're still a kid. And that's OKAY. Shoot, I'M still a kid (or at least that's what I keep telling myself). You don't HAVE to pile on makeup or wear clothes just to impress boys. Ideally, its probably better to be the laid-back girl with all kinds of girl friends AND guy friends than the girl who dresses up only to impress the guys. Guys are going to get the wrong impression of who you are, and you don't want that!

Pleaseeee please please (I really can't stress this enough) TAKE CARE of yourself. As long as you're keeping yourself healthy, you're perfect just as you are. Focus that energy on improving your quality of life. Its not a "bad" or "negative" thing to seek help. I used to think that "strong" people were the ones who were indepedent and dealt with things themselves, but I realize now that there is NOTABLE strength to be found in letting your guard down every once in while and letting people help you. And you're already on the right path, you know? You've identified the beginning of the issue, and you recognize that it's something that's bothering you. That's an incredible first step. I hope you're very proud of yourself. Its okay to feel vulnerable ~ we ALL feel that way sometimes, even if we're too afraid to admit it.

Surround yourself with positive people. I know that's DIFFICULT when you're in your early teen years, because most people have this really low self-perception that ends up rubbing off on other people. I promise, though, that they're there, because I remember looking at them and thinking, "oh my gosh, how are they so comfortable in their own skin? Why am I so awkward?!?!" They're there, though. And if you need some positive rays of sunshine, I've got your back, and I love to love people. (: Drop me a PM, a VM, or add me on MSN. I actually have a jazz class (I teach dance) of probably.. 13-15 year old girls, and oh my word, I swear probaly 25% of the class is geared towards building a positive self image. I will do what I can to brighten your days!

Okay, last thing: I'm making the decision to go ahead and remove your pictures. From the standpoint of a moderator (and I've been moderating here for several years now), A) I am uncomfortable with allowing them to stay up in this thread particularly and B) I don't want them to clash with our Terms of Service, which I will be happy to discuss with you via Private Message if you have any further questions...

However, just know that you don't NEED those pictures there to be able to get help with this issue. Dig deeper, and find out what the core of this issue is. And again, don't be afraid to seek help. Hey, if you get a chance, you also might like to check out Operation Beautiful - if you're anything like me, helping others in this way may also help you.

Take good care of yourself, and hang in there!



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Re: Insecure forever - December 18th 2010, 05:05 PM

I've tried all suggestions but I can't do it. So I am re trying the anorexia thing. I'm stopping eating.
   
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Re: Insecure forever - December 19th 2010, 04:23 PM

Have you though? It's not something you do in a matter of minutes, or a matter of hours. Sometimes, it's not even something you do in a matter of days. Recovery can take weeks or even months. It's not an overnight process, unfortunately, but it's worth it to have the quality of life that you do, in fact, deserve.

I'm not through all my suggestions, either... we need to find a way for you to play an active role in your recovery. I encourage you not to turn back to disordered eating. If you'd like to know the health reasons of why, or even the reasons of ... in the long term, you're not going to end up with the desired results because of the basic biology behind what happens metabolically in starvation. Again, if you'd like me to explain that, I'd be happy to - I actually just took a final exam in Human Biology the other day, and my professor was pretty hardcore about it.

PLUS, more importantly....there's just.. more options out there. You have your entire life to live. Things really do seem to improve as you get past having to be around all the self-image messy stuff that comes with being in middle school. Hang in there.



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Re: Insecure forever - December 19th 2010, 07:33 PM

You will never be happy if you don't take care of yourself. Also what good is it to feel sick all the time? Mary I am sure you are a very beautiful girl and there is no need to put on make up and things because make up and stuff don't matter. Looks do not matter. Its what you are like that matters. It matters if you are kind and caring and are a good friend. Why wear a mask instead of showing who you really are? Then people wouldn't really know you, they would know the girl with make up, fancy clothes, and and pretty hair. They would never see the real Mary. Its normal for us girls to be a little insecure. I don't feel pretty all the time ether. In fact, the only time I do feel pretty is when I am in pretty dresses, things I would wear to a party or to prom or something lol. So I def. know where you are coming from. But the bottom line is, please do not be afraid that you are not pretty because I am sure you are, both inside and out. Do not let anyone tell you that you are not good enough, even yourself. But you know what? These words are nothing and mean nothing unless you believe them too. You have to believe Mary. Thats something no one else can do for you. I am always here if you need to talk.


   
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Re: Insecure forever - December 19th 2010, 08:26 PM

i feel the same way you do actress,
i dye my hair all the time. stop eatting for days or weeks at a time.
because i want to loook better. and feeel better about myself.
i wear alot of make up to make myself look pretty , but some people say i have natural beauty. then i end up getting ina fight with them.
usuallly , its my best friend or my boyfriend that says it. or just good friends. but no mattter how many times i hear it i just dont believe it.
like , somewhere deeep down i know its true. but , i cant say its true. cause its not what i think.
and i know many many girls in my schoool taht are like that to feeel better about themselfs. the most confident person in my schoool and ii are close. we tell eachother alot. and even she hates what she looks like.
shes uber skinnny and pretty.
has her hair perfect liike everyday and everything.
its unfair. but stilll.
even , she wants the " perfect " body.
i guess , there is no reall " perfect " body in this world besides what we as girls think it is in our minds.
everybodys " perfect " body would probly look different if you asked every girl you seen.
just keep your hopes up. dont have low self esteem.
i bet your beautiful just the way you are (:
try having better self esteem. its hard.
but , you can do it. i had to . like , i had no choice. because when i was in the mental hospital every hour i had to say atleast one good thing /i liked about myself. i swear it was the hardest thing for me to do. lucky i had my new bestfriend ( larry ) that i made in there. he usuallly wishpered me things to say. so everytime i did say whatever he said unless he wasnt in the room.
which suucked big time, it toook me foreverrr wifout him there. lol
i guess, you just gotta get use to how you look ,
find a style YOU like , and not what all the other girls are wearing.
be unique and not like everyone else.
guys like girls that are unique and not boring or slutty.
hope my advice helped . (:

btw, you can come to me with anything if you want. i dont mind. im usually help my friends in school whenever they need me because of everything i've been through and have learned along the way.


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Re: Insecure forever - December 20th 2010, 12:11 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Actress View Post
hi everyone,
I am going to take a shot at a different approach on explaining my issues.
Most people think that girls with lots of make up, fancy hairstyles, short tight skirts and who are always chatting up guys have the most confidence. But that isn't true. I pile on loads of make up because I feel as if I'm too ugly to be seen without it. I wear a short tight skirt because it makes me feel like I then look daring when inside I feel so vulnerable and scared. I chat up boys and act kind of hyper slutty because if I don't then everyone can see who I really want to be with, and how insecure I really am.
I hate my entire body and I've tried so many dangerous ways of changing my looks. I don't care about my health or well being. I just want to feel comfortable in my own body no matter how much I hurt myself trying to achieve that 'perfect' figure.
Please help me. I have no where else to turn.
Hello,

You are right, people view that like that. But as you said thats not what the person might be feeling inside. So the outside is not the same as the inside. The outside is like a mask almost isnt it. Something for show, something for people to see and believe. But underneath that is not the mask that vials something. Do you know what it is you are covering? And what does that do for you?

Its as though you view you from the outside as other people. And what those other people see or not see is what you do or dont do to your body. But why must you view yourself from the outside?
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