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Name: Jessica
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from emotionless to emotional mess. - January 19th 2011, 06:10 AM

I can't stop crying. I usually break down in private at least once a day - which is very, very abnormal for me. I'm a wreck in pretty much every other aspect - I've dealt with anorexia, and after a second stint with recovery last year I've been struggling to keep my diet relatively normal - I feel so ill, and scared, and empty that I can't eat for days on end. My insomnia is getting worse, I've also seemed to develop a somewhat compulsive habit of showering. My mood swings are extreme, but I've never been diagnosed or characterized as bi-polar.

I feel so panicked and paranoid - mainly about my relationship. I feel like it's failing, and just the thought makes me start crying. My parents are selling the house and getting a divorce very suddenly because my father cannot cope with my mother's depression. I would just prefer them being happy and apart as opposed to together and miserable. There were a few other major stress factors in my life that caused me a bit of unhappiness, but those are the two things I worry about constantly. I'm going to try and talk to my boyfriend about it tomorrow..hopefully in person, I feel like if I can just get him to understand he'll try to support me and I'll feel a lot better.

The weird thing is that just before this I was so bored with life that I felt depressed, I couldn't find anything worthwhile or interesting, I over-slept a lot, it was a nice escape. That is the type of depression I normally went through. This is so different though..I feel like I'm not just clinically depressed, I feel like I'm genuinely going crazy.


..I just guess I was hoping that someone who has or is exhibiting similar symptoms offer some input or advice? Thanks for reading!





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Re: from emotionless to emotional mess. - January 19th 2011, 08:14 PM

Hey Jessica.

Let me first say that I'm so glad you decided to post a thread about this! Stress can have such crazy effects on the body, especially when the stress is in the transition from being acute stress to more chronic and long term stress, you know?

Clearly, let's just go ahead and throw this out: there's definitely a lot on your plate right now. You have your relationship, your parents, the house, the divorce.. if you ask me, there's no wonder as to why your body is acting out! You're going through so much right now - I think you'd be superhuman if you didn't have ANY adverse affects to this. (: Now, I want to go ahead and say here that I, of course, am not a medical professional. I will always encourage you to seek help - I know that my own school offers a great guidance counseling office with several different counselors who are employed by the school to help students, and I encourage you to see if your school has something similar.

Okay, the way I see it, in order to stop the adverse affects of stress, its really important to deal with the stressors. So, starting with your relationship - I don't really know what's going on with that, so I'm not exactly sure right now what kind of feedback I can give you on that, but if you want to Private Message me or even reply in this thread about anything particular you're looking for feedback on, I'd be happy to listen/give you any ideas I have/etc. Just let me know. I think its fabulous that you're planning on talking to your boyfriend about this and asking for his support! It can be so, so helpful just to know that someone who loves you knows what's going on and is there to support you.

As far as your parents go, my mom also very recently went through a huge bout with depression that ended up in some very shaky times for my family. It has been hard not only for my dad, but for my sister and I as well, so I can imagine that things are tough for you, as well, Jessica. Remember, even as you support your dad, YOU deserve support too. I relied heavily on my friends to be my supports, and I encourage you to seek stability in friends and others you trust. You absolutely do not deserve to go through this alone.

Hang in there, Jessica. Things are rocky right now, but I'm hoping that they will smooth out very soon. Take everything one step at a time, and focus on the present so that you don't get too overwhelmed. You're doing great - keep on keepin' on. (:



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Re: from emotionless to emotional mess. - January 24th 2011, 05:23 AM

Thankyou so, so much for those words, Katrina. They meant a lot to me and were a great comfort when I just wasn't finding any sort of consolation from anyone I knew.

My relationship isn't on the rocks due to fighting or disagreements of any kind. It's very strange, because we get along very well. It's just, we're both so busy. He's a musician and his band is currently recording, it's busy and hectic and I went into this knowing that music would always be his first priority. I was okay with that, because at this point I only need to be my own first priority. He got very distant very suddenly with the start of his recording, and he really felt awful for not being there for me. After this week, things are supposed to calm down, and I am really hoping they go back to what they were.. I don't want to break it off, because I really do care for him, and it would hurt so much - but it would also be a clean cut and probably be less painful in the long run than being strung along emotionally.

We connected, and we're on good terms, I feel a lot better about life in general than I did. Things still hurt, but not as badly.





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