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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
feeeliciamxox Offline
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Name: Felicia
Age: 24
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Unhappy I'm tired of being walked all over. - January 30th 2011, 06:14 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I am extremely tired of being walked all over. When I was small and had a problem, my mother would be "frustrated" with me and shut me down.

My dad and her divorced, and he is only back in my life because my mother threatened to force him to pay full child support for my siblings and I. She travels the country and my grandfather has kidney disease. He is my only living grandparent.

Needless to say, she married my abusive (now divorced) stepfather. He would emotionally abuse me. He pushed me on the stairs once and told me how sexy I was.

My entire family moved from my life and they all think they know me. They call my life a teenage problem. They tell me I scream for attention when I post depressing Facebook statuses, that are song lyrics. It's how I cope besides writing. But then they get mad when I keep it all in.

I am lonely. I sit in my room all day long. Nobody, not even my best friend, talks to me unless they want something. I can't stick up for myself. To be quite honest, I believe she's given up on me too. I talk to her sister. Her friend, who I really don't like, told me I'm weird because of it. She also tells me I should just stop posting things.

In my school, they're all clones. They all agree. Can't they let me be? I think not posting statuses about how I wish to kill myself is enough. Did I mention everyone does it? But I'm the only one who is called out and made to feel worthless.

I get hurt very easily. I've stopped telling people about my issues because they have gotten tired and given up - though they said they wouldn't. They tell me I pull the pity card when I tell them I'm upset.

Maybe I just want one day where people don't put me down, be rude to me, and make me feel like I'm worth something? When they talk to me, and show me they love me, like I do for them. I join sites so that maybe I can talk others out of suicide.

I've cut myself before and been suicidal. My first attempt was age 8. It hasn't gone away.

This girl's bash to me was that I should just stop posting things because if I really thought that of myself I should get help, because it pisses her off.

My best friend seems to think it's fine when she does these things because "it's the way she is." Is that really an excuse? If I did it to her, which I wouldn't, I'd never have friends again.

They also tried to ruin eachother's lives. I think it's stupid. When I refused to hate either, my best friend was mad at me. I don't understand why I am so worthless. Why nobody seems to want me... or make an effort. Why they shut me down when I try.

I've isolated myself lately. I don't talk to anyone. I lay her alone and crying. And don't think I'm pulling the pity card, because I am being truthful in a place that is supposed to allow me to finally be.

I don't understand - "people like that need to just get help already."

Trust me, genius,

You do not know how hard I've tried for these 16 years.


"And I wonder what it's like to walk around Weightless, to jump for my heart and just never come down? To know the potential of true human will, without all this damn gravity dragging me down?" ~ Jennifer Nettles, (Gravity)


Smiles! -Felicia
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
you'rebeautiful Offline
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Re: I'm tired of being walked all over. - January 31st 2011, 12:06 AM

How are you holding up dear?

I'm really sorry that things have been so rough for you... with everything <3.
It seems like you're really open to reaching out... through facebook and with family, even though you've been shut down or dismissed lately, on those fronts. That's certainly not a response that you deserve, but it's really great that you try. Would you be willing to reach out in a different way? To a guidance counselor, or teacher, or other adult that that you trust? There are certainly people who will listen and take you seriously.
Let me know if there's anything that I can do for you.
<3
Ada
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I'm tired of being walked all over. - January 31st 2011, 01:22 AM

I am sorry Felicia=( That all sounds so rough. It doesn't sound like your friends are real friends. If they were, they would be consurned about you and try to help. It does not sound right to me that they are treating you in this way. You don't need these people in your life. That is not what friends do. Friends are ALWAYS there for you no matter what and put their friends before themselves at all times. You are not worthless. You are a great person and an important person. If your friends or family can't see that, who needs them? They can never be half the person you are. My mom tells me, don't lose any sleep over them because they are probably not losing any over you. Its just not worth it. I know how hard it can be though. I can promise you that through all this, there has always been at least someone who has noticed and does care. There is always someone who cares. Even if you don't realise it or do not know it. You are loved, don't give up now. If you ever want to talk, you can always talk to me. I will NEVER put you down and will always try to help to the best of my abilities.


   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Irinya Offline
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Re: I'm tired of being walked all over. - January 31st 2011, 02:10 AM

Felicia,

That's quite a bit you have on you there! I'm sincerely sorry all that crap happened to you -- you don't deserve it and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Have a hug.

It's pretty clear to me that the world's been making excuses to you all your life. You have a right to be absolutely pissed at it, and I hope that getting this out here on TeenHelp was cathartic and stress-relieving, even if only a little bit.

If you ever want anyone to vent or open up to, please feel free to PM me or anyone else here at TeenHelp. We don't judge. We don't try to bring you down. We don't give you anything other than the sincere support we know you more than deserve. We'll try our best to make you feel good again.

And that's a promise.


"Want to know a secret?

You are beautiful.

Black, white, gay, straight, bisexual. Whether you are smart or quiet or impossibly in love with your best friend, someone out there cherishes your smile and gets butterflies when you walk into a room.

Someone out there can't stop thinking about you. You Are Beautiful. Don't ever believe differently."

If you ever want someone to talk to, about absolutely anything, feel free to inbox me!
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