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Mental Health Use this forum to share your mental health concerns and to seek advice.

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Fear of dying? - March 21st 2011, 03:57 AM

When I was 10, someone that I knew died in an accident. He was my dad's friend, and he had stayed over with us for a week previous to this incident. It terrified me that people could just disappear overnight. For about a week after that, I couldn't sleep. Every time I closed my eyes to sleep, I'd think about never being able to wake up and have panic attacks. When I finally did fall asleep, I had dreams of my family dying and wake up screaming. I had to sleep with my parents for a couple months before I could start sleeping normally again.

Since then, I've become a lot better. I've learned to sleep without thinking about dying. But the thought of people dying still terrifies me. If anyone mentions something about him/her dying - like "this headache is killing me" - no matter how trivial it seems, I get a tight knot in my stomach. When someone I care about says it, I get panic attacks. I have difficulty breathing, my heart begins pounding, and start crying. I heard my mom say something like that, I nearly fainted because I was crying so hard that I couldn't breathe properly. I knew in my head that she didn't mean it literally, but I just couldn't stop.

My brother thinks I'm crazy. He says I'm mentally disturbed for always thinking about dying. Am I really crazy? It is normal to be scared of death though, right? It's not like I want to overreact like that every time my friend complains about her cramps or something, but I can't help it. I don't know how to deal with this. My parents told me to pray and go to church. I'm trying but it isn't enough for me. I told them I was okay, because I'm living on my own in a different city and I didn't want them to worry about me anymore than they already do. I stopped talking to my brother about this issue because our conversation always ends up with him calling me mental. I'm scared to open up to my friends about this, because I think they might react like my brother. Please help somebody ):
   
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Re: Fear of dying? - March 21st 2011, 05:45 AM

Everyone has thoughts of death. It is something that everyone is curious about. But, I think your situation is that you are scared to lose someone you love. You get panic attacks when someone mentions death as a metaphor. I believe you are interpreting this as being scared of dying, when in actuality, you don't want those that you love to die.

I don't think you are crazy. I just think that you need to realize that death comes when it comes. You shouldn't be expecting it to come. That is the whole mystery of death. It is always unexpected. Whether it be by accident/illness/suicide.

I have lost lots of family members, and I can sort of get how you feel. I'm sorry your brother treats you like that. Sometimes siblings are like that. I can understand. If you want to talk further on this, I'm here.


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Re: Fear of dying? - March 24th 2011, 02:54 AM

You're not crazy. Someone you knew died, so of course the topic is going to scare you. Death scares everybody, no exceptions. If you want to control the panic attacks a bit more, try talking to your parents or your doctor about them. They might have suggestions on how to get them under control.

And remember, you won't be able to completely erase ever being afraid. Everyone has a little fear of death on the inside, and yours will get much better in time.
   
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Re: Fear of dying? - March 24th 2011, 09:07 AM

I don't think you're crazy either. Death is something nobody knows enough about. No-one knows what comes next, or what your death, or the death of those around you is going to be like, and I think that's part of the problem. Honestly, there is nothing I can say that will make death any easier to deal with, whether it be the thought of it or the experience of somebody you know and love dying suddenly. The truth is, that it is inevitable, and happens to everyone, and because we all know it is coming, we all fear it. Remember though, you have a life at the moment, and so do your friends and family, you don't yet have a death. Don't spend your life awaiting something you know will happen, and don't give your life up to fear it. My advice would be to live while you can, and if you fear the death of others, live it with them as well as possible before you can't anymore. We all know people will die, and we will one day have to deal with them not being there anymore, but what you can do while you're still in their company, is spend your time with them now. It's natural to be scared of losing them, but don't let it take over your life.
I agree with another person as well, do try and talk to someone about it. They might be able to tell you things that will put your mind to rest and prehaps make living with the knowledge of death a little bit easier. Remember, I'm always here if you want to PM me and talk about anything, and I'll do my best to help you with whatever it is. Take care. <3


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- Carl Jung

   
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Re: Fear of dying? - March 26th 2011, 01:49 PM

Thank you for your advices, I got the courage to bring it up with my parents again. It was a sort of (very) emotional talk. We've agreed for me to consult a therapist, hopefully things go well (:
   
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Re: Fear of dying? - March 27th 2011, 01:41 AM

i wish you the best of luck! =)


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Re: Fear of dying? - March 27th 2011, 03:04 AM

Glad to hear it! Good luck
   
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Re: Fear of dying? - March 30th 2011, 12:42 AM

Good luck with the therapist!!
It kinda sounds to me like it's a phobia, maybe, since you had such a reaction to the mere mention of death or killing. Just my opinion.


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Let go of the fear Let go of the doubt
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Re: Fear of dying? - March 30th 2011, 02:15 AM

I wish you good luck in your treatment success. I'm proud of you for discussing this with your parents. This is the right decision for you. Getting help is the first step towards recovery.


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The sunshine always kept you warm.
   
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