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Kikseo Offline
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Exclamation Psychotic break? - April 4th 2011, 08:54 AM

Recently, my friend gave me a pill that he told me was ecstasy. I'm less certain now.

I took it and the usual effects just didn't kick in. Instead, I didn't feel like I needed anything in my life. I felt completely independent. I didn't mind being alone. I didn't mind anything. I didn't necessarily seek being solitary, but I was sitting outside of a hangout spot my friends go to after school and they left the area I was and I found myself just sitting there thinking.

Which is something I do, sure, but not around people. I'm always the life of the party, not the guy sitting alone outside in the smoking section.

I figured I'd just got a bum pill and was having an off day at first, but the effects intensified a bit and I started feeling more connected to the world and everything.

And at that point, I figured, oh, this must be the ecstasy peak. Woo.

My friend came around and had some weed, so we smoked a gram together, and that's when things got really weird.
The world started to warp in ways I can't really explain. Lights refracted in ways they shouldn't've. I drew smiles on trees with my imagination. I felt happy and refreshed.

But then I went home. And I was alone. And the drug just kept intensifying. I started to see things, hear things, and feel things that I knew weren't there.

And I started hearing a voice.

Me and the voice talked for a long time. He told me that I had achieved a level of mental ability that most people were incapable. He said I was able to change the world just by believing the change would occur; that if I wanted to wipe someone off the planet, all I had to do was truly believe that he or she would stop existing; if I wanted there to be no more Mondays ever, I could simply wish them away... if I was "mentally strong enough."

I tried a few things like he said, and I was only able to create weak hallucinations for myself. He said that was normal, he said the drugs I took amplified my ability, but I still needed practice. He said that I could trust him. He said I was his friend, and he was mine. He told me to talk about him with my godfather, even, to show me that he was really not trying to hurt me. He said that he wouldn't talk to me when other people were around to avoid confusing me, he said that if I ever really needed him all I needed to do was put on my headphones and listen closely, and he'd be there for me.

Which worried the shit out of me, for a while.. but now I miss him. It's been a few days since the incident, and he doesn't talk anymore. I haven't really tried to do what he said anymore, I haven't tried to hear him anymore, and I'm going to later tonight... but I just really wish he'd come back. He was a really nice guy.

I feel crazy. I'm scared for myself. I don't know whether it's a good thing I don't hear him anymore or not.

I'm not even sure why I'm posting this, or what the point of this whole deal is. I just feel like I should put this out there, and maybe someone can help. I'm at a loss, here.

I'm pretty sure the drug I took was something of the 2C family, and if I had to take a guess, 2C-T-7 would be my shot in the dark. I kind of fit a lot of the effects of that.

I had clear auditory hallucinations, I felt things, and I had open and closed eye visuals. The visual hallucinations were mainly limited to things waving and warping in ways they wouldn't normally. I also felt very empathetic and joyful. I feel like an entirely different person after taking this drug. I feel like I could just stop using drugs altogether, if I wanted (and I know this is going to elicit "then do it" responses, I'm not looking for that, if I want to stop, I'll stop). I feel like I could actually enjoy being alone now, I've always had a sort of fear of the solitary environment. I'm a lot more confident in myself and a lot less chatty. And at the same time, I've grown a lot more attached in the past few days to my boyfriend, talking to him more and asking to hang out more...

I'm not sure what other information you guys might need, but I'll be completely open and honest with questions. I just want help. I'd love to talk to him again, but I'm not sure how I'd manage that or even if it's a good idea.
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Batman. Offline
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Re: Psychotic break? - April 4th 2011, 02:21 PM

Honestly, nothing you say can be taken seriously as anything more than a side effect of the drugs.

Honestly, you don't need to do dangerous drugs to feel good. If you want somebody to talk to you, to help you feel better, to help you cope with things like solitude, maybe see a therapist, or a counselor. They're there to talk to you, and to help you with whatever struggles you may have in life.

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