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siin Offline
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Name: siin
Age: 24
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Join Date: March 27th 2011

Such A Thing As Normal? - April 10th 2011, 03:25 AM

I realize that I am not the easiest person to get along with. But my problem would be somewhat fitting in. I fit in with every group, changing to who they want me to be. Even my own name doesn't last long. Often I take letters from my name to create a new name or I suggest the idea to make nicknames. But of course those don't last long either. I never realize this while it is happening. My changing consists of like with one group of friends I am the shy girl who doesn't want to get in trouble. Around another group I might be the girl who is loud and doesn't care what people think. Its quite an easy transition but it also depends on where we are. I love changing everything I can whenever I can. I force myself not to get too close to people, something I have learned to do rather well by now. My favorite thing is changing schools. Its gives me the opportunity to start off fresh and create a new circle of friends. The thing that ties all this together is exaggerating the truth or lying to protect people from really knowing me. But yet my only wish is to find myself and start my life. I don't think I have ever truly had a best friend that I can count on or tell everything to. Never had a boyfriend either. Most of the time I envy the people that do. But then other times I think being alone is for the best.
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Hiraeth Offline
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Re: Such A Thing As Normal? - April 13th 2011, 02:22 PM

Hi there,

I have noticed the attributes of my 'self' being susceptible to environmental influences for a very long time - I don't think it's abnormal at all. I would argue that everyone begins life initially in a state of pure openness, and identification and self-assertion towards being one particular way rather than others is a learned trait that comes with understanding what the risks of unconditional openness are, living in this world. In fact, plenty of people never come to the awareness, and allow their immediate environment to dictate everything about themselves all their life.

As change occurs, and as we observe ourselves under different environmental conditions and their corresponding internal states, we can determine what is most suitable for us to commit to in the long run - aka 'who we really are'. If one environment does not feel comfortable, start over and try something new - this is not a bad thing at all. Sometimes however, we may think that we are starting new, yet the 'new' dynamics are not so different from what characterized the old. Form is different, but not substance - so it may seem like change yields no insights but rather a circular path.

It is incredibly difficult to trust others if we cannot trust and be confident with ourselves. Start by learning to become intimate with yourself. Observe your thoughts and experiences; with concentration, insight will develop.

All the best,

"If limitations exist, it is because we have erased the possibility of potential."

Feel free to PM me if you ever need anything.
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