Finally Cracked....

[StaceyB1992]

Hiya,

Im 18 and have been suffering with self harm and suicidal thoughts for nearly 4 years now. I have been seeing a counsellor since December and trying to get my life back on track. It feels as if seeing the counsellor is making me feel worse. I get really angry and as a result, I hurt myself by cutting, punching, pinching or hitting myself. Yesterday though, I got so angry and had know where to go to hurt myself and the anger built up so high in a matter of hours. I was out with a friend and I completley lost it and hit him, harder then I've ever hit before. I didn't know what I was doing and couldn't stop myself. He was in so much pain and I felt so guilty. I'm scared of leaving the house and being alone with someone now incase I do it again. I have also started taking Citalopram, I haven't been prescribed it, but I found some that belonged to my brother, but he no longer uses it. I know this is'nt right, but I need to try something.

If anyone can help me decide my next step, it will be greatly appreciated. Much Love,
Stacey xxxx

[*Jen*]

Hey Stacey,

I think it is good you have been seeing a counsellor for your problems. Have you discussed other ways to express your anger with your counsellor? They would be able to help you with this and look at other ways to cope with it rather than take it out on yourself or other people.

You really shouldn't take your brothers medication because it might cause you side effects and it could also cause you to feel worse. There are other problems as well such as when you stop taking it suddenly you will get bad side effects. I think you should talk to your doctor about it and tell them that you have been taking your brothers medication and you feel you need some medication.

You can get better and you will get better. It just might take time. I am always here if you want to chat. Stay strong.

[lanaslifetips]

You seem to have so much pain inside you so it is no wonder you finally cracked as you say! It is good to see a counsellor as they can really help you get through troubling times but you don't seem to be benefiting by this relationship with your counsellor. Can I suggest you look for another counsellor who CAN help you, is your counsellor trained to help you with your specific problems?

Anger is a state of emotion, do you know what you are angry with? What is causing the anger. Can you channel this anger into something more constructive ~ perhaps go the gym, go for a run to help alleviate tension.

You are doing the right things and I know it is damn hard when life gets you down to pick yourself back up. You can do it ~ you are always stronger inside than you know.

Please take care of yourself and I hope you find your rainbow soon xxxx

[Victoria ♥]

Hey Stacey.

I’m sorry to hear how you’ve been struggling over the past few years. I do, however, think it’s good you’re now seeing a counsellor. If you’re finding the counselling difficult or feel it’s making you worse then it’s really important you let your counsellor know. Your counsellor may be able to take a different approach or talk to you about how angry you’re feeling at the moment.

I definitely don’t think you should be taking your brothers medication. I can understand that you feel you need to try something, but taking someone elses medication is illegal, and like Jen said, it can cause side affects. I know that talking to your doctor can seem scary, but they are there to help you. They can offer support and may be able to refer you to other services that can help. If you feel that the counselling isn’t working for you, then this is also something you could mention to your doctor. They may suggest other types of therapy that you may find more helpful. Your doctor may suggest you try medication, but they will be able to monitor and control it in a safer way.

It seems like you’ve been struggling with self harm lately and I understand how difficult that can be. If you haven’t already, I think it would be a good idea to look through the Alternatives to self harm thread. If you look through the first section it gives you ideas on what may help if you’re feeling angry or restless, so you might find that trying something off that list may help, particularly with how you’ve been feeling recently.

Things can get better Stacey, please think about talking to your doctor. I’m always here if you want to talk.

Stay strong,
Vicky.

[x_sepi_x]

Hi stacey, so sorry to hear what you're going through. I can really relate to it. First off like the others have said, you really shouldn't be taking your brothers medication. That can really make you poorly because you need to be taking a correct dosage prescribed for you. I got put on Citalopram and i stopped taking it coz it make me feel worse. why don't you try going to the doctor and talking to him about your problems, that way they can suggest suitable treatments. also tell him that you feel the councelling is making you worse, maybe you just need to see someone else.
Hope you're able to sort things out soon,
Take care
xxx

[Porcelain Child]

It good you got a counsellor and you are managing to get things off your chest.. I am a little worried that you are taking your brothers meds, you need to go and see your doctor and ask for the meds yourself.. It would be a safer option..

[Noah Zomby]

:P Everyone pretty much said what I was thinking. So I'll sum it up.

Here's what I think you should do:
Open up to your counselor and tell her that the treatment isn't helping and she can take a different approach. If he/she doesn't, then I think it's time to get a new counselor.
Stop taking your brother's meds. Just a bad idea in many ways.
Talk to your doctor. He/She can probably prescribe the same meds to you so those many ways don't become your way.
Tell your doctor about the counseling not working. You can almost never have too much help. Anyone and everyone can help, you just have to let them know. He/She can maybe talk to you about different types of therapy.

You can and will get pass this. I have faith in you. <3