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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
BDF Offline
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I get mad as shit sometimes - April 20th 2011, 06:46 PM

I gotta a lot of crapped bottled up. All I look for is ways to release the steam. I write music but sometimes it's not enough. To some extent I'm thankful for these outbursts because it's when I'm at my most creative. I go to the gym on average 2 hours a day. But like I said sometimes it's none of it's enough.

I'll read a news story about some 17 year old kid who threw a brick at a car and nearly killed a 4 year old girl because of it. I'll not explode the instant I read it, but hell if someone just would nudge me the wrong way fuck knows what I'd do. If I was just the average I wouldn't be as worried but I know if I pack a bunch I could brake someone's ribs pretty easily. I put my hand fist through a board of plaster once and I was only 15 when I did it, then my mum made me take anger management sessions.

I'm thinking going back to anger management but I'd feel like I'm taking a step back. I used to have sessions when I was 16, four years ago. Plenty of things have happened since then. It just kinda feels like I'm not going to really change from this. I'll always be this wildcard with a uranium core waiting to blow up.

Thankfully most people I mix with now are not like the fuckwits I had at school, so I don't lose it as often. My parents think I've calmed down because of it, but like I said it's just that people provoke me less now. It still happens occasionally and I can barely contain it when it does. If it's not a person I'll lay into it'l be something else like punching the wall even (frequently). Taking deep breaths doesn't work. Sry for going on... but there is a trend. In school I'd get just slightly less violent but a lot easier. Today I have a higher "provocation threshold". It means someone would need to work a lot harder to piss me off properly, so I do lose it slightly less frequently because of that... but it's probably several times worse now once I lose it. I know it because I have done recently. Calling me names doesn't work anymore. However throwing a glass bottle at me (like what's happened recently) I think it could have got him killed. I might find the thread to it... I wrote about it here on TH a few months ago.

Here's the thread:
http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f31-w...t66616-i-lost/

I could have done a lot worse to them :/


"I don't care about politics"
Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.



Last edited by BDF; April 20th 2011 at 06:59 PM.
   
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Re: I get mad as shit sometimes - April 20th 2011, 06:54 PM

I know you said you write music but have you ever tried writing about your feelings? It might be a good way to get out some of your frustration and anger.

You might see it as a step back going to anger management but I don't think it is at all. At least you have realised you have a problem and are accepting help for it. That in a way is a step forward. I hope you manage to get the help you need.


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Re: I get mad as shit sometimes - April 20th 2011, 09:08 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by *Jen* View Post
I know you said you write music but have you ever tried writing about your feelings? It might be a good way to get out some of your frustration and anger.

You might see it as a step back going to anger management but I don't think it is at all. At least you have realised you have a problem and are accepting help for it. That in a way is a step forward. I hope you manage to get the help you need.
I write about my feelings quite a lot. I was thinking about putting some in self-expression but I don't like putting out unfinished work. It's usually written on impulse and unfinished.

I've known I have a problem for a long time now so nothing really feels different in that respect :/


"I don't care about politics"
Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.


   
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