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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Gidig Offline
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Name: Maria
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Too much. - June 1st 2011, 02:23 AM

Everything is too much for me right now. I'm extremely depressed. I have horrible anxiety that sends me in to 2-3 full blown panic attacks a day. I've started self harming hardcore again. My life has fallen apart.

Basically, I got raped last Saturday. And I'm not in any way, shape, or form, doing okay with it. I've never been this suicidal in my life. Honestly, I should probably be in a mental hospital. But those have never helped me before, only made me worse.

I feel like I physically need someone around me all the time talking me down, making sure I don't drive off the road, not letting me do all the drugs and stupid shit I do. Because I have no more self control, that left me Saturday night. But that's too much to ask for from anyone. That doesn't happen for people unless you're hospitalized.

Someone tell me what to do. "One day a time" no longer means anything to me, because I have no perception of time...

Edit: And now after Googling for some sort of advice, it really has hit me that ... this is going to take years to get over...



The best wayout is always through~
-Robert Frost

Proud member of the LGBT community.


Last edited by Gidig; June 1st 2011 at 03:04 AM.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Batman. Offline
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Re: Too much. - June 1st 2011, 03:06 AM

Hey Maria,

I'm sorry that happened to you. Have you considered spending more time getting counselling for this incident? Traumatic incidents are best dealt with through counselling, especially something aimed for this type of thing.

Other than that, I'm sorry I can't help you. I mean, if I lived near you, I'd hang out and help, but I'm boring. LOL.


Dare to be Different, to be Weird, to be a Freak.
Overall, Dare to be yourself.

Stamp Out Prejudice Hatred and Intolerance Everywhere
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Too much. - June 1st 2011, 03:59 AM

Hey Maria,

I'm SO sorry you had to go through this, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy! It's no wonder you're feeling this way and it's a perfectly normal reaction. I'd be surprised if you didn't feel this way to be honest. Have you told anyone about the rpe?
When you say "years to get over it" It doesn't necessarily mean years before you're back to functioning properly again. Everyone reacts differently and at the moment things are going to be hard ALL the time but believe me, it DOES get easier. Just remind yourself that these feelings are perfectly normal.

Forgive me if I'm breaking any rules here but there's an excellent site I spent a lot of time on before, it's called pandys. I feel it may be more help to you as it's a site for people who've been rped or sexually abused in any way. I feel it may be able to give you more support as everyone there has been or is going through it.

I REALLY wish I could help you right now but I know that nothing I say can possibly make you feel any better. When you say you're feeling extremely depressed, are there any specific thoughts you are having or are you just depressed in general?

One main thing for recovering from this is DON'T do anything you're not comfortable with. For example, if someone wants you to talk about it, only do so if it's what *you* want. Don't feel like you're being forced into doing anything as that'll only make you feel worse, right now you need to feel as if you're in control of things.

I know you're going to do it no matter what anyone says at the moment and that's completely your choice & understandable, but I want you to know that you don't deserve the pain of self harm. Rpe is painful enough as it is without inflicting even more pain on yourself. You deserve to be loved and taken care of, now more than ever! But I do totally understand why you do it.

If there's anything you want to talk about, but don't want to post on here, please feel free to PM me. I know how important it is to have someone who's there for you at a time like this and I don't want you to be alone right now. if okay

Things WILL get better, I promise.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Gidig Offline
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Re: Too much. - June 1st 2011, 06:32 AM

Hey-

Thank you so much for the replies, and so quickly too! I appreciate it a lot. =)

I do want to get counseling. Money is a bit of an issue right now, so I have to be sure I get victims compensation honestly to pay for it. My health insurance sucks for mental health things. But I do know that's something I probably need as soon as possible.

My friends do know about it, but I really don't feel like they care. I think it's partially my fault for not really telling them how I feel, but I feel like as my friends and knowing that it would be kind if they even just asked if I was okay? One friend knows I was having trouble with it, but her responses were so awkward I just dropped the subject.
My mom knows now as well, but I don't have a strong desire to be too honest with her about my feelings on it. I feel like that part of my fault, the part the guy who did it was in, is one I kind of keep from my mother. And her knowing made it a lot more real too. At first, I didn't want her to know.

I just feel like this is never going to end. This feeling anyway. Along with if I decide to stick with pushing charges. It just seems endless... I do my best to not push myself too hard, but I really have to if I want him to get in trouble. Things have to move fast, I don't have time to wait until I'm ready which is the hardest part of this whole process. Luckily the police department has been pretty understanding and does their best to help me out and explains why it's so important I do things in a timely manner.

Thank you so much. <3 I'm glad there's still people around who really care. I was losing hope in humanity! =P But really, thanks. =)

Maria.



The best wayout is always through~
-Robert Frost

Proud member of the LGBT community.

   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Batman. Offline
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Re: Too much. - June 1st 2011, 08:11 PM

Are there any sort of free counseling services? I know places like College, University, as well as some government-funded health clinics may have services that you can get for free, or for cheap. It may be something to look in to.

I don't know what your state has, though, so maybe look up "Free Mental Health Service *Area Name*" on Google? I know there ARE some free ones, since I have known a couple people in a couple different parts of the USA who got free counseling services through state programs, so that may be something to consider.


Dare to be Different, to be Weird, to be a Freak.
Overall, Dare to be yourself.

Stamp Out Prejudice Hatred and Intolerance Everywhere
The Sophie Lancaster Foundation



   
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Re: Too much. - June 1st 2011, 10:19 PM

im so sorry this happened to you. maybe if moneys tight talk to a friend or a sibling. as for the rape id find out who they were and take them to court or something because no one deserves what your going through...except maybe him? lml if i lived near you id be there for you but i live on the other side of the country lmlmlml i hope things get better(y)
   
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