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Rukata Offline
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Do I have PTSD, or something else? - June 15th 2011, 08:20 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of eating disorders, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Contains Sexual Abuse, and possible Eating Disorder.. this is also much longer than I thought it would be, so, fair warning. :x

Alright, so, I'll just get to the point of why I believe I may have PTSD; I was sexually abused as far as I can remember (maybe about 6), until I was 13 or so and told my dad it had to stop and I needed help, at which point he tried to suicide and got taken to a mental hospital, admitted he did it, and went peacefully to jail for a 15 year sentence or so. It got to the point of actual rape, only about 4 times, between the ages 10-13. Other than that, it was simply molestation. However, no one knows it goes back this far, they think it started when I was 10, except him, and he may not know I remember that far back, it's hard to say. I also did go to a therapist, but pretty much just tried to get out of it, because I can't stand them at all.

He was diagnosed as Bipolar at that hospital, and my mother deals with Depression and general Anxiety, and very likely Asberger's Syndrome, but that isn't at all confirmed with a doctor. So, it's likely I have any of those (especially Asberger's) but because of my abuse, signs of Bipolar, Depression, or Anxiety could very possibly just be a case of PTSD.

I can feel emotion, but just barely. Happiness is a very faint feeling, and Sadness affects me just a little more than average, but I'll go and be alone to cry or anything. I definitely have a temper, no doubt about it.
If any male touches me, even if it's just a brush against my body as they walk past, I tense up and get nervous. Sometimes, when this happens, I will completely phase out and start daydreaming, but it's a memory of what happened to me. The only way to bring me back from this is when the memory ends, or when I hear a voice of someone who's close to me trying to snap me back to reality. After these memories happen, I'll go to be alone, and become numb to all emotion, and pretty much stare into space until I can feel something again, or until I fall asleep and wake up as normal as I usually feel in the morning. I feel little interest in most activities, but sometimes I'll get very interested in something, and those are about the only times when I feel any normal amount of happiness.

I tend to be unable to concentrate for a long period of time without starting to daydream, and this leads me to make mistakes - this is especially noticeable when I type, write or speak. If I type I make bad grammar mistakes, like repeating words, and when I speak sometimes words come out much different then they were supposed to. For instance, one day I was talking and meant to say, "Early Birthday" but it came out as "Derly Earthday." Now, that's either an extreme case of dyslexia, or being unable to concentrate, but it could be either, or a combination of both.

I'll also have panic attacks if badly startled, and I definitely show an extreme amount of awareness at all times. If anything moves around me, even if zoned out, unless I'm experiencing a memory, I will feel it, and jump slightly, turning quickly to face whatever feeling of movement I had. This makes me a very light sleeper, at least when other people come into the room I'm in. If there is a closed door between me and people, however, I can sleep through anything, but the second it opens, or something bangs against a window, I jump up and look around the room. When I am uninterrupted in my sleep, I sleep for anywhere from 9-12 hours, which obviously messes up sleeping schedules.

Another thing is I don't feel hunger pains, or any appetite, but I don't know if this is related to my numbness to feeling, or just an added eating disorder. The only reason this is mildly worrying, is because I'm already underweight, at 100 pounds, with a height of 5'8", age 15. I can't, for the life of me gain weight, because I never feel hungry. I force myself to eat two full meals a day, and try to get three, and snacks in there, but some days I just can't.

I dunno, I want to know what other people think about this, whether I'm just paranoid or what.


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Re: Do I have PTSD, or something else? - June 15th 2011, 04:27 PM

Honestly, although I can't actually give you a diagnosis or anything, I can try and give some insight.

Due to the incidents you've gone through, and due to the genetic factor, I personally think you could easily have PTSD, or Depression even.

From what you've described, none of the characteristics really sound like Bipolar Disorder (except that it has Depressive episodes, but also has Manic/Hypomanic episodes), but you do mention a lot about Depression, Anger, Numbness, over-sleeping, not eating enough, etc. which, well, sounds like it could easily be Depression.

Only reason I wouldn't say for sure it's Depression is the fact that it's still possible for you to have PTSD, or you might even have both, I'm not sure.

What I AM sure of, however, is that to find out if anything is wrong, you'll have to see somebody. Usually your family doctor can give a referral, after running other tests (such as making sure your moods aren't caused by health problems, like thyroid issues) and eliminating any physical ailment that could cause the mental symptoms. If they do refer you, it'll usually be to a psychiatrist, psychologist, or therapist, depending on what your doctor feels is best for your situation.


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