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Hating, and shouting at the world. - July 1st 2011, 08:08 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of peer pressure or bullying, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Okay, almost all my life I've been bullied, not JUST at school but everywhere I've been, no one's accepted me. As a result, I've been makig my life and others a LIVING HELL! Everyone always thought I was weird since I was 7, people have been avoiding me, only being friends with me to use me. This is EVERY SINGLE FRIEND I HAVE! No friend can ever be friends with me genuinely. And before you say I'm creating this illusion myself, I'm NOT. I don't feel normal, I do some weird things, like I would see something on TV or in a game and I'd rehearse the situation as if I was there with the characters, I always talk to myself without realising and I always slip into fantasy unintentionally. I CAN tell the difference between fantasy and reality but I just go there against my will. I'd have moments where I'm not wanting or needing anything, I just want to be with myself and the world, even if I'm suffering, I'd still push anyone away who tried to help me. I always withdraw, mum tells me that's the reason I have no friends. She tells me to be positive, not negative, do this, do that. I heard it all before but she can't understand that I literally CAN'T. When I get angry with someone, I either burst out in a terrifying rage or keep walking but everytime I wanna stand up to someone, I'm not SCARED to do so, just something in my head tells me "NO! You WILL be unhappy, YOU WILL keep walking!" It's controlling my life and holding me BACK, I can't disobey it or it gives me HELL! Another thing is that I've taken a liking to being alone lately. I've been shouting, HATING the world, I think all humans as stupid, ignorant and I HATE my family and everyone around me, and I've dreamt of doing HORRIBLE things. I used to be an innocent, angel girl but now this hate is consuming me and half of it feels...GOOD! But I know it's wrong which is why it feels bad. Also since I've been spending more and more tie alone, it's easier to read people psycologically. What they think, feel, their opinions, how they will react to certain things. I've picked up the stupidity of people and I hate to say but... I have been wishing the world to end and stuff like that, and I HATE thinking that way! I have to go see a councellor but the appointment is taking AGES and my parents will be in the room and they only know half my story because I'm scared of telling them the violent things I think of day in, day out. I'm only THIRTEEN! This shouldn't happen HELP ME!
   
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Re: Hating, and shouting at the world. - July 2nd 2011, 05:49 AM

I know EXACTLY how you feel! Like it's scary but true. Everything you say, I know how that feels and I go through the same thing. I have no real friends. Every 'friend' that I have has somehow stabbed me in the back. But I keep going back with the hope that things will change? I have these crazy weird thoughts and i have uncontrollable depression and anger. I don't tell my mother anything. I don't let anyone inside my head. As for you being weird, i think that being weird is cool. A friend once told me "Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, its better to be absolutely ridiculous, then absolutely boring." So therefore if you are weird and talk to yourself and sometimes pretend to be in a situation you've seen on tv or a game or something, then we are alike and i think that's what makes us special. and the reading people psychologically; that's pretty cool. And hey, I'm only fourteen and i feel alone everyday though i wonder if it's weird if you accept it. I've never meet anyone with issues like me so i don't know if its normal or not.


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Re: Hating, and shouting at the world. - July 2nd 2011, 07:51 AM

*hugs* Neither do I.
   
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Re: Hating, and shouting at the world. - July 2nd 2011, 10:30 AM

-hugs back- Yeah so I know what yuu mean ans how you feel


I Love My Nicky Bear With All My Heart!
You're The APPLE To My PIE...
You're The STRAW To My BERRY...
You're The SMOKE To Me HIGH...
And You're The ONE I Wanna MARRY! <3

**September 23rd - Now <3
900 Miles && 18 Hours And I'll Still NEVER Leave You
  Send a message via Yahoo to Rose Rayne  
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Re: Hating, and shouting at the world. - July 5th 2011, 06:20 PM

I wish someone would actually help me though... *sigh*
   
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Re: Hating, and shouting at the world. - July 5th 2011, 06:46 PM

While I think someone would have to help you, it's also necessary for you to help yourself. I don't mean to say, "think happy thoughts and all will be better", as that's moronic. One large issue you described is this inner conflict that prevents you from doing what you want. I think part of it is your morals and conscious coming into play but also you seem engrained to obey what people say.

I'm a believer that holding in your anger and distress for too long can eventually be damaging. So, let it out and don't hold back. Don't do this on a living being, instead, let it out on, say, a punching bag, pile of pillows, etc... . Imagine whatever or whoever is aggravating you is on the punching bag or pillows and let all the frustration it caused you. Think of this as a time/place where you're away from your daily life, a time/place where your inner restraints are gone and only stop once you feel all the frustration is out. When you return to "normal life", hopefully you'll be less frustrated and more confident you can triumph over the inner restraints holding you back. It probably will relieve your angry thoughts and dreams as well.


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Re: Hating, and shouting at the world. - July 5th 2011, 06:55 PM

Thanks, hopefully I will, but the thing is, I don't know how to get my anger out on objects because like, when, I'm ready to let it out, it goes away. And I can't release it anymore but when I do something else, it comes back, so I try on the object then it goes away again, when it's on a living person, it feels different. I don't know why it does though. It's always lingering somewhere in my mind, it never fully goes away. And it's like a switch, when someone does something, it gets triggered again.
   
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