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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Unhappy social phobia...fantasy world :| - July 2nd 2011, 08:09 PM

I think I have social anxiety.....or social phobia or something...(sorry if this is a bit long, but I'd really apprieciate some advice?)
Whenever I have to talk to people I just get soooo nervous, even if it's just ordering food from a waiter in a restaurant. I've looked into homeschooling, and those kind of schools where there are like six students per class, and that idea seems so much nicer to me!! Often people think I'm rude because I don't talk to anybody (at least not until they talk to me first - and still, my heart starts racing and I find that I can't say anything...) Whenever someone is mean to me, I get soooo sad and it feels like I'm going to die (not literally). I'm in an all-girl school, and all of the girls in my class are really outgoing and everyone is friends it seems except for me. I really really want to be friends with someone, but I can't talk to them!! None of them understands how it's like not being able to start a simple conversation with someone! I've told my mom about it, and she said that she was also shy when she was younger, but to be honest, I've seen photographs and home videos of her with her friends and boyfriends (another thing! I cannnnnot talk to boys) and she is really fun and confident! I really hate myself sometimes, and I think I have a low self-esteem. One of the other BIG problems is, I have this 'fantasy world' where I have these perfect friends, perfect boyfriend and everything just goes how I want it to and everything's just friggin PERFECT. Now, I'm sure a lot of people have fantasies? Yeah, hopefully. But I think this is getting out of hand....All I can think about is my world. I make up whole scenarios too; like one of my 'friends' gets into a car accident and ends up in a coma in hospital....it's like my own in-head soapie!! I'm getting afraid that I won't be able to accept anyone as my friend or partner later in life because they're not as perfect as my imaginary ones are.
Okay, I'm going to leave it at that cos this thing is already too long....Please give me some advice if you can? THANKS


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Re: social phobia...fantasy world :| - July 2nd 2011, 09:52 PM

Well, it sounds like you might be a shy person. Phobia? Highly unlikely. Anxiety? Well, how do you FEEL about various social situations?

Describing how you feel in various social situations (how you think, feel, etc.), not just a couple scenarios, would give us all a better idea.


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Re: social phobia...fantasy world :| - July 3rd 2011, 04:58 PM

Well, I mainly just feel extremely nervous and embarrassed and I'm scared that people are going to laugh at me, or that I'm going to start blushing....


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Re: social phobia...fantasy world :| - July 4th 2011, 12:01 AM

You sound shy, and maybe a bit anxious. But, you're 15, so you still have time to open up.

If you find this continues to be a problem, or gets worse as you get older, then maybe see a doctor. But, for now, it doesn't sound like anything is wrong with you. Some people are just, more shy than others. Some people have lower confidence, thus feel anxious.

Relax, and don't think about everybody else. If you need to talk, feel free to PM me.


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Re: social phobia...fantasy world :| - July 4th 2011, 02:32 AM

I can relate exactly to every point you made. Like Julz said, you are only 15, so you are still young, but you might have an Avoidant Personality Disorder. The biggest sign for this is using the fantasies as a means to dream of a life where you didn't suffer from these social problems. As well as hyper sensitivity to social rejection. Unfortunately, the only way to treat this is to simply overcome these fears. The best way to do that is to start small. Choose a few people who are the nicest people you know. Start off by just saying Hi to them in class, or in the halls. Then build on this by saying an extra thing, maybe asking them, what's up?

Yes, you get extremely nervous. But you aren't nervous when you talk to your mom? It's because you're used to her. Once you get used to talking with people in general, you get used to that as well. Eventually that nervousness will subside, and you will be able to think of something to say. You just have to break past that initial barrier. And don't be afraid of blushing. Blushing girls are cute.

Last edited by Serene; July 4th 2011 at 02:46 AM.
   
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Re: social phobia...fantasy world :| - July 4th 2011, 03:17 PM

Thanks a lot, that helps!


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Re: social phobia...fantasy world :| - July 4th 2011, 06:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Serene View Post
I can relate exactly to every point you made. Like Julz said, you are only 15, so you are still young, but you might have an Avoidant Personality Disorder.
To even suggest the idea of a personality disorder to anybody under 18 is ridiculous. The personality is still developing in the teen years, so there isn't even enough evidence to suggest it's nothing more than the OP being more nervous and shy than others.


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Re: social phobia...fantasy world :| - July 4th 2011, 07:40 PM

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Originally Posted by Thirteen View Post

To even suggest the idea of a personality disorder to anybody under 18 is ridiculous. The personality is still developing in the teen years, so there isn't even enough evidence to suggest it's nothing more than the OP being more nervous and shy than others.
First, adolescents are diagnosed with personality disorders. Yes, it is frowned upon, but according to DSM if the features have been present for a year it is likely.

Second, I used the word might to specifically only suggest it. She gave quite a specific description, so the fact that I simply mentioned something that I went though at that age, chose something that was relatable, isn't so ridiculous. Saying that it is just shyness or nerves - implying that she will simply 'grow out of it', is the exact 'old school' mentality that is the wrong view.
   
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Re: social phobia...fantasy world :| - July 4th 2011, 08:36 PM

It's entirely possible to "grow out of it", considering, as said, the personality is still in development in your teenage years. The problem with suggesting the idea of a personality disorder can either a) cause unnecessary worry, or b) lead to self-diagnosing, which can be VERY bad.

So please, consider not the slim diagnostic possibility, but rather the outcome of implying the slim possibility.


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Re: social phobia...fantasy world :| - July 7th 2011, 04:13 AM

I had (and still have) the exact same problem, even the fantasies (I had the same one about the car accident and the PERFECT life ).

I did pretty much the same thing that Serene suggested, I just spent more time with my sister and my mom and their friends and I started to open slowly to them, since they were very understanding. Eventually once I opened up a little more to them, I got the courage to join a club in school, and I got to know the people with similar interests.


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