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Self Harm and a whole other whack of stuff - July 25th 2011, 07:07 PM

Here's a long story about most of my problems...

I feel like I need to talk to a therapist, but whenever I try to bring it up with my mom, she friggin laughs at me, or changes the subject!
I have been self-harming since I was eleven and nobody except me knows about it. I'd say that I'm very good at covering up my scars/bruises/burns what have you. I've never spoken to a physcologist. Not even my best friend in the whole world knows. My little sister did see that I had cuts and burn marks on my legs, when I was about twelve, and she told my mom. Mom didn't really take it seriously though, thinking I was "experimenting" because I'd seen it on TV or something. Now I don't know how to tell someone. I reeeally want to, and I have a feeling I should, but I don't know how to. I mean, so many teenagers at my school cut, it's almost become a fad; how the hell can I insure that someone will take me seriously if I do tell them?

A lot of the time, though, I get into this mindset that I DO NOT have any problem at all, and that it's all problems that everyone else goes through as well, and that I'm being too bloody dramatic. Other times, especially when I'm feeling angry, sad, guilty, overwhelmed etc. and when I feel the urge to SH, I know that I DO have a problem. Then I snap out of it again and tell myself to stop feeling sorry for myself! It's all very backwards-forwards and it's taking a toll on my consentration and making my stupid anxiety much worse.

Also, I've found that I'm probably the most Inhumane person in the whole world. I'm not a physopath or a sadist; I love animals. They are the world and the way that the human race in general is so cruel towards animals and the environment is what makes me hate people. I'm really worried about overpopulation. Whenever I see a women with three kids or more, I feel like walking up to her and shoving a blade into her stomach.
I bet that sounds disgusting to most people, but those sorts of thoughts pop into my head on a daily basis. And to be honest, is overpopulation really something that a 15.5 year old should be worrying about?

These kind of negative thought-patterns regarding the entire human race are starting to be noticed by my family and friends, and this type of mindset is, in a way, taking control of my life. I wish I was a bit more spiritual, I think it would help me to be a bit more intouch with myself and to be more relaxed.

ANYWAY, I don't expect advice for everything stated here; I just needed somewhere to put my thoughts into words, though some advice would be great! Thank-youuu

Tears Falling Down To Lips Unkissed
Ignore Her And She Won't Exist
She's Not The Kind You'll Come To Miss

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Re: Self Harm and a whole other whack of stuff - July 28th 2011, 04:39 AM

If you think you might have trouble telling a counselor/therapist/psychologist your story, why not write a one-page letter summarizing the major issues you'd like to deal with? You can give the letter to whomever you're seeing and ask that they read it at the beginning of your first session.

The backwards-and-forwards is pretty common. Some things, like depression or anxiety, are up for interpretation. Self-harm, however, is not. You can downplay depression and anxiety. You can't downplay cuts, bruises, burns, etc.

I really do think you should see someone, because what you're doing and thinking isn't normal, healthy behavior. If your mom won't take you to a psychological professional, start off with a school counselor. Make a copy of your letter and give it to him/her. If s/he doesn't take you seriously, look up your family doctor's phone number and call him/her. Set up a routine appointment, and give him/her another copy of your letter. Ask for a referral to someone who specializes in self-harm, adolescents, or something related to what you're going through. Basically, it shouldn't be a psychologist who only deals with addiction in adults, because s/he wouldn't be as qualified to help you. Finally, if those two options don't work, look up non-profit/low-cost/"community" clinics in your area. They often offer free mental health services, or they will offer a "sliding" scale for someone who doesn't have a lot of money (ex. an unemployed teenager).

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