Struggle with being on my own...

[NeverSayNever]

Hey,

I wasn't quite sure where to put this, but I guess it is probably a mental health problem?

Basically, recently I've found that I'm really struggling with spending any period of time on my own. It's hard to tell exactly when it started, but on reflection I think it probably started last year.

I'm 17 and I'm in my last year of 6th form, with plans to move to London to uni September '12.

I find that as soon as I'm on my own, even after just 10 minutes, I become really down and I think too much and get really upset, usually resulting in tears.

I'm a musician and I've released a solo album which I'm really proud of, but I often feel quite unsupported by people at 6th form and feel like people don't give me much respect, like I'm a bit of a running joke. I have my absolute heart and soul set on music, its my entire life and I'm positively terrified that I'm not going to make it. My future scares me shitless and I hate the thought of getting to 30 and realising that I've never felt fulfilled because I've not been able to make it in music. So when I'm on my own all these worries build up and overflow and I become really upset.

If my parents go out, or if I'm in a room on my own at 6th form I just grind to a halt and it ruins my day; I just can't function. It also means that my school work is really suffering. When I get back from school I can't bring myself to leave my family to go and do some work. I'm really close with my family, and we're the best of mates and have such a laugh together, so leaving them and that fun atmosphere to go and do work almost never happens.

My older sister also left for university the year that this all seems to have started, and we were really close, so I miss her like mad and miss having my best mate around me all the time. So I'm finding it really hard.

I'm really worried for uni, I really want to go to London because I think it'll give me the best chance in my music, but I'm just not sure how I'll cope. Strangely, I'm actually quite independent; I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself, I can cook, clean, budget etc. But I just don't know how I will handle being away from my family and being on my own, plus having so much work to do on top of handling being on my own. Of course I'll make friends and have housemates and stuff, but uni is also about independence and growing up, so there is alot of time spent on your own. And seeing as London is known for being a very lonely city, I'm just not sure what to do about it, and I'm worried I wont cope. :/

Sorry this has gone on for so long, but I'm really struggling here. Does anyone else have this problem? Or know what I can do? Any help would be much appreciated!

Thanks so much for reading my ramblings.

NsN
x

[HaloCC]

I dont understand why you feel that kind of feelings when you are alone. Do you fear that you are going to lose your family/friends?

Also, dont let other people down your music. You seem to love music and really put an effort on it. When you speak of your music I can see the artist in you. If you love making music and put all of your true feelings in it then it doesnt matter what anyone says, it is worth it.

P.S. Would love to hear your music.

[NeverSayNever]

I don't understand it either! I'm not scared of loosing anyone, I just become really down. It sucks the enthusiasm out of me. I have so many worries going on in my head and when I'm with people I forget about them, but then as soon as I'm alone it all comes flooding back and I plummet.

I'm in a bit of a tie, I would love to post a link to my website so you can hear it, but I kinda wanna stay anonymous. :/ Ooh I dunno..

xxx

[spencerrrr123]

I know how you feel about being on your own, i get that feeling. Maybe go to your docter and see what they say, and ask about councilling services. It may sound like it won't help but it does!

ignore what people say about your music, they are clearly just jealous, hope everything works out for you! <3

[PSY]

Many people experience some anxiety when thinking about moving out and living on their own. Most of those people learn how to adjust to their new way of living, though. It just takes time. My advice is to plan for the future as best you can, and when it comes time to move, remain optimistic. Don't worry about failure until you're failing your classes. Accept that homesickness is going to be present for a few weeks/months, but also recognize that once you start to make friends and dive into your coursework, those feelings will begin to diminish.

There isn't much more I can offer you, because I don't think this is really an abnormal/unusual problem. Adjustments are a part of life. =) Your university should have a psych services office of some kind, so I'd try talking to someone there when you initially move. Express your concerns, and see what they have to offer. They may just give you a list of groups/organizations to join, or they may be willing to meet with you once per week and check up on how you're doing.

Something else you might want to consider is finding a roommate. You could either find someone who is also going to that university in September and get to know them better over a couple of months, or you could room with a stranger. Some people just can't stand to be alone - they need to feel connected to the world, even if it just means sharing a kitchen with another human being.