Repressed emotions

[Ella.x]

When I was younger, I wasn't allowed to cry or get angry or really show much emotion, because my younger brother has severe autism and it would upset him. Could this be the cause of the intense mood swings that I get now? Like, the smallest thing can send me into fits of rage or suicidal feelings and I honestly don't know how to deal with it. I mean, earlier I sent a guy a text and he hasn't texted back which I think was the trigger to my latest "crisis" of feeling like I'm not good enough and that I'm fat and ugly and worthless and pathetic and no-one will ever love me. I genuinly feel awful and it's completely irrational. How can I stop myself before something small causes this snowball effect? I don't know how to be normal :/

[Thirteen]

Well Ella, the story of your upbringing as a child (not being allowed to vent emotions properly, essentially) is one of the more common thoughts of cause for Borderline Personality Disorder. Considering that (if I'm not mistaken) you were diagnosed BPD, are having the mood swings, and have the upbringing signs.

Have you talked to your doctor (or whoever you're seeing for your mental health) about working on DBT?

[Ella.x]

I have my first appointment with my DBT counsellor on thursday. Hopefully it will help me. I seem to be getting more impulsive too. I just quit my job and don't have another one to go to. I'm kind of worrid that I'm going to do something really stupid soon.

[Dream]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intermi...osive_disorder

Is it like that or different?

There are a bunch of things that can cause intense mood swings. Your upbringing is likely a part of it, but it would be hard to really know.

[Ella.x]

Nah, it's not really anger, it's more manically happy to suicidal with feeling completely numb and empty as my "normal" mood. Whenever I get angry, I take it out on myself. The tiniest things can set it off, I remember running out of orange juice once a couple of years ago and ending up feeling suicidal as a result of the thoughts/feelings that started off with being mildly annoyed about not having any oj. I know when all those thoughts are going through my head that it's irrational because what caused them is minimal, but I just can't stop it from snowballing and turning into something huge.