Can't Open Up.

[Iris. ♥]

For the past five years, every time I let someone see my heart, they break it. They decide I'm not worth sticking around for because I have "too many problems." It's taught me to guard my heart, but I think I guard it too much now. I don't let anyone in anymore. I'll tell them things, but they're little things. I keep people at arms length so I don't get hurt.

The thing is . . there's this lady. She's been such a strong guide for me, since she forced her way into my life a few months ago. She's never done anything to hurt me. She's on my side, even if she doesn't agree with me. She's shown me a hundred times that I can trust her and that she will "walk through hell with me, no matter how bad it gets." Long story short, she's amazing. She's probably the one person in my world who deserves to have a place in the parts of my life that I hide from everyone else. But, I can't do it. Every time I think about it, I freeze. Even though she's shown me that she'll never hurt me, I'm still convinced that she's going to -- that she'll decide enough is enough.

I don't want to be like this anymore.

[Katrina]

Hey Samantha. (:

First of all, I don't think I've ever "TH-met" you, so hi. My name's Katrina, and I think its wonderful that you've decided to reach out here. I'm sure I'll see you rocking things out on HelpLINK, but in the meantime, just a few comments - loving the profile; I ADORE Invisible Children, and I think that's an awesome song you've quoted there in your About Me. (: It has described so many of us at one point or another, and there's something so remarkable about that connectedness.

Opening up is definitely a force to be reckoned with, particularly if you've experienced things that seem to be pushing you to close yourself off. As you know, though, Samantha, opening up is going to play such a huge part in your recovery. I will say that there were a lot of things that I did myself from the time I first joined TeenHelp to now that helped me to overcome the original reason I joined, but one of the things that TeenHelp really DID help with was helping me to open up. As something that really DOES take practice, I think that slowly, even though you're going from opening up online to opening up to a person in "real life" (which is a whole different ball game), the kind of "systemic desensitization" that happens there can definitely help you to be a bit more calm.

This woman sounds amazing, Samantha, and it sounds like she truly loves you. I hope you'll consider asking for the help you need from her.

[Le bonheur*]

I really think you should open up to her. I know how hard it is, trust me; I know. But it'd be really great to have someone who cares so deeply about you right by your side 100%! She's proven to you that she's not going to leave you. One day, you're not even going to realize it and you're gonna just start talking until you have nothing left to say and it's going to feel GREAT. Take advantage of the fact that you have someone willing to listen. Start in baby steps. Progress when you feel comfortable love.

<3