People always tell me I'm mature. I don't know WHAT I am. I just hate it. What is wrong with me??

[livelaughlovehate99]

So basically, I'll just say I'm under 15, a girl, and well the title is basically what this will be about ^^
I hate my life. (teen angst music comes on in the background as I over-enthusiastically sigh and start writing in my padlocked diary. Okay fine, I'm kidding) but yeah, I hate it. There's nothing in my life that's truly messed up but ME. I've never been abused, never lived in a broken home... Here's my problem:
My college brother tells me that I have the same point of view in life and experiences (mentally) that many people his age have/have had, but I can't deal with it emotionally.
I think differently from many people my age.
I have a need for validation, so I constantly end up having late night confessions regarding BIG things about myself at sleepovers that, when I mull over the next morning, I realize were impossibly STUPID and that whoever I talked to most likely is 1) not trustworthy and 2) probably now think I'm a freak.
People constantly tell me I'm awkward, but in a good way, when you get to know me. I have a lot of friends, and I'm not unpopular, but I'm not popular. I tend to be on the "popular side of being in the middle".
I have an easier and more fun (for me) time talking about deep topics with adults, my brother and his friends, and some select friends of mine (but they never really grasp the topics) than I do talking about shallow crap that everyone my age loves.
I feel like I just don't fit into social norms.
I constantly feel like I'm a freak and worthless every time I make a mistake. I freak out and can't handle and over-analyze things that most people would ignore. I talk a LOT, and when I'm feeling awkward/uncomfortable in a situation (which is frequently) I say things that make my friends want to grab me and slap they're hands over my mouth, for my sake.
I have
I have a fear of needles and veins (as in blood tests, IV's, looking at veins and kind of shots) that is so strong that I feel sick and shaky even as I write this, and even though there is no reason I NEED to have any needle procedures any time soon, I constantly have a feeling of strong anxiety about the possibility of ever having a needle procedure.
I have countless fears and my school counselor, who I talked to one time, not even going in depth just touching on the topic of fears, said something about generalized anxiety.
Every time I get close to someone/tell them something personal I have a strong NEED to pull away from them, and lately I've been trying to stop myself from acting on it, but it's extremely difficult.

There's a lot more stuff and deeper stuff than all of this, but I'm not going to go into it. I've never been diagnosed with any disorder by a doctor. My parents don't believe in therapy (just putting that out there).

Basically, what I'm asking is...

What is wrong with me?? Why do I feel all of this??

[Amberpamber]

I think your councilor is on to something possibly. Since we can't actualyl diagnose you here we can't say for sure you have this or that. It does sound like you certainly have things that need to be looked at. I would talk more with your councilor and other trusted adults and see what they can offer. If you ever need to talk feel free to pm me. I can certainly relate to you in many ways. I wish you luck. <3

[JKmadu619]

I would say that you could use a therapist, but at the same time it sounds like you're just having a case of the blues.

Somedays I feel as though I don't really "fit in" with others. And you know what? That's fine. You can only mature so much, then the rest will eventually catch up, or else you'll be some kind of wise karate master you can leviatate.

In all seriousness if this is really bothering you, talking to a parent or trusted adult can ease the pain. Even basic life can carry alot of emotional weight, and sharing the "load" with someone else can ease you on. It is hard to be "mature". I know as well as anyone but instead of being upset with yourself, use it.

Many kids would kill for the ability to intellectually do whatever they choose. Give yourself purpose and make use or what God, your parents, fate or whatever has given you.

This is going to sound cheesy, but make a year long plan. Add some things to it. My plan for this year is:

- Start a Blog
- Have fifteen hits
- Have something published on a popular website, newspaper or magazine
- Buy and create something with Photoshop
- Upgrade computer for photoshop to work is necessary
- Save $300 for next year.

It's simple, and it really has motivated me. As new ideas hit you, add them. It can be small (like my ideas) or huge. Try something new and stick to it. You're obviously very smart, so make use of it and start enjoying your headstart on the path to adulthood. Try to learn an applicable skill that could show up on a resume, or would just be fun to show off, maybe?

- Justin

[PSY]

In addition to what's already been said:

If your only fear is of needles, then I'd say it's not generalized anxiety. It sounds more like "blood-injection-injury" phobia, which is actually not all that uncommon. I cannot diagnose you, though, so if you want to make progress toward overcoming this fear (vs. just avoiding situations involving needles as best you can), I would suggest talking to a psychological professional who specializes in the treatment of phobias.