Trapped

[Dark Horse]

Hello again...

I used to self-harm really badly. Some people might have read my thread a few months ago about how I had to go to the emergency room, and that was how my mom found out. Anyway, after that I had to completely stop because my mom was checking my arm for new cuts all the time. It was dreadful and made me so uncomfortable. It made me feel a lot worse and I started thinking of suicide (it was kind of like the self harming was keeping me from those thoughts). Well, I haven't cut in about two months. I know that sounds like a great accomplishment, but I just feel ashamed about it (don't ask why?) and as if a part of me is missing. I literally feel as if I've lost a friend and I'm jealous of all the "lucky" people who are free to self harm whenever they like. I feel so trapped and isolated.

Since I was last on teenhelp (about 3 months ago) I have started taking meds that are supposed to help with depression and anxiety. But, they don't help! I have noticed a slight change - at school I feel a bit more confident, I'll join in with class dicussions and such. But I don't feel happier at all. In fact, my anxiety has become worse and I keep getting crazy urges to self-harm. I'm starting to have bad panic attacks, worse than I've ever had in my life. I'm not sure if this is the result of some sort of withdrawal since I stopped cutting?

Yeah. Thanks for reading my ramble...

[LeapOfFayth]

If your meds don't work have you told your psychiatrist? Usually that means you need a change in dose or a different med. There are A LOT of meds that help with depression and anxiety, there's even a lot of different kinds. It's up to you to tell your doctor if and when your medication doesn't work.