Not Quite Sure what I am...

[gymnastxxLeah]

I know I have an eating disorder, I actually just reached out for help, but lately I'm confused as to what I am. I restrict a lot, and any real meal I do eat I purge. Sometimes i try and eat a normal portion size, and end up eating too much and purge. I'm underweight, but I can't see my bones or anything. I've felt the effects of being underweight (cold all the time, blue fingernails, dehydration, fainting) too. I always assumed I was bulimic if anything because of the purging, but I recently heard about anorexia binge/purge type, and I'm not sure what to call this...

An update on my last thread about telling my mom: She hasn't talked to me about it yet. I'm still worried, but i'll keep you updated.

[Harlequin.]

Hi there Leah,

My psychiatrist told me they don't like to label these things. Anorexic/Bulimic/EDNOS- it didn't matter. What I was doing was wrong and needed fixed. I actually got quite annoyed at this- I just wanted someone to tell me exactly what was wrong with me. But the treatment centre I was in refused to do that. They said hardly anyone who walked through the doors of their clinic EXACTLY fitted the criteria for ANY of those eating disorders. They tailored my treatment plan to my symptoms and my feelings.

Try not to get hung up on labels. You may get a clear cut diagnosis, or you may not. Either way, stay strong, and I look forward to hearing how you get on!

If you ever need anything I'm here <3

~Laura

[gymnastxxLeah]

Update:

Well she basically said that she's gonna call my doctor first thing tomorrow morning and see if she can get me an appointment sometime tomorrow. The doctor will reffer me to someone... I have no idea what to expect for the doctor appointment... What kind of tests will they run?

[x_sepi_x]

Hey sweetheart. Well done for wanting to go ahead with the doctors
From a medical point of view your doctor will probably run blood tests to see if you have deficiencies such as low iron levels, vitamin dificiencie like A B C D and calcium potassium etc. He/she may also take your height and weight to see what your BMI's like, and from there they will most likely refer you to a therapist who can help you out. Don't be worried about it honey, it'll be okay.

And as for the type of eating disorder, like Laura said, not alot of people actually tick all the boxes for one type of disorder. Symptoms including emotional and physical, over lap into the different criteria for a lot of people so diagnosing is sometimes not done. At the hospital I was in they refused to label us anorexic or bulimic, it was just classed as an eating disorder and then the plans were tailored to meet each individual's needs.

Keep us updated as to how the appointment goes. Hopefully look forward to hearing from you soon! Stay strong

Saabah <3

[Silvia]

I agree, nobody fits exactly under one label, the fact is that you have an eating disorder, call it whatever you want, it's not the important thing. The point is getting over it and go back to healthy mind and body...

Your doctor will see how all ur blood levels are, weight, and so on. It is important that u tell him the truth, what you do, what you eat, how you feel about it, if u get on well with family, friends, how's school and all the questions he may ask you. But normally he'll send u to a psychologist who will help you.

Congrats on this big step

[Harlequin.]

Leah!

Well done. You've done the right thing, and I'm glad your mum is making you an appointment. Test wise, Sabah pretty much covered them all. I actually didn't have any done on my first appointment. I did later get sent to a pediatrition, to check my health- and she did basically a general checkup, height, weight, reflex tests ect.

It doesn't matter if you aren't given a title. Just because you don't fit the exact criteria for Anorexia or Bulimia doesn't mean it's any less serious. Like I said, the word "anorexia" was said a few times and that was it as per my diagnosis. They never sat me down and said "You are ...". Don't get stressed out about it.

Generally, your doctor will then refer you to somewhere that'll be able to help you. A therapist, an ED clinic- wherever you need to go, just remember to be honest. You have nothing to be ashamed of, and these people have seen it all before. Don't leave out any of the gory details. They want to help, but they can only help if you open up.

Chin up sweetie. You can beat this <3

~Laura

[survivor16]

I love what Laura has been saying, they might not just give you a title!
I'm so proud of you. Remember, be open and honest with your doctor. They are here to help you. Your doctor may do some blood tests (dont worry) or he may just refer you to someone right off of the bat!

Dont be scared, they deal with these things all of the time. Dont be hard on yourself either, this could be so amazing for you if you are open minded about it!

Good luck, girl! Again, we are SO proud of you!!
We are here for ya. Keep us posted.

Shelby

[gymnastxxLeah]

Thanks everyone. I have a doctors appointment in about an hour... I'll be sure to let you all know how it goes. I already told my mom that I don't want her in the room with me when I'm talking about it... she said thats fine. I'm a little nervouse, but I know the hard part is over. Right now, it looks like I won't need to go to an eating disorder clinic, but we never know. I don't know what'll happen, but I finally think that maybe, just maybe, I can get through a day without hating myself.

[Harlequin.]

Leah,

You're an inspiration. I am so proud of you girl <3

You're right. The hard part is over. It's normal to be nervous, but you can do this! You show ED who's boss, give it a kick where it hurts! I'm right beside you fighting with you. We'll get through this together.

Stay strong <3

~Laura

[survivor16]

I'm so happy for you! Keep up the fight!
Its completely normal to be nervous, so dont beat up on yourself, you can do this.
You are strong Leah! And although it is true that a lot of the hard part is over, it really isn't all over...
And this is because recovery is hard. You have to work at it every day to get to the place you want to be at.
Remember it's worth it. Again, so proud of you! Keep us posted.

Shelby

[gymnastxxLeah]

Thanks everyone. Just got back from the doctor. They ran a quick EKG and need me to go back for some blood tests. They also gave us some names of people...

It's weird. I wanna be in recovery, but I don't quite feel like I wanna recover. the whole time my doctor was talking to me i felt like she was patronizing me. It was ridiculous. She talked to me like I could shatter at any moment. At one point she even said "It's normal to be self-consious and wanna be on a diet. Everyone goes through this!!" And I was kinda like "Okay look I know I'm not okay and I know my eating habits aren't normal. Don't try to make me feel better." and I know I'm probably being unreasonable I just wanted to strangle her for some of the things she was saying, even though I know she was just trying to help.

[survivor16]

And those normal too, as weird as that may sound.
Leah, this is something completely new for you! You aren't used to it, and your reactions are normal.
Maybe your doctor has dealt with someone who is struggling like you in the past and they did break down. We never know, but she probably was just trying her best to be sensitive.
I know it's frusterating though, and I completely understand where you are coming from!

Also, you said you didn't really "know" you wanted to recover, and thats okay.
I think you know you are doing the right thing, and it will hopefully get easier to work when you get an actual therapist and are able to talk about everything, you know?

Again, we are so proud of you! Keep it up Leah.
Always remember....
YOU are strong. No one can make Ed go away but YOU.

Shelby

[Harlequin.]

Oh Leah, I know exactly what you mean. The first doctor I saw was the same, so patronizing. The best thing to do is just grit your teeth, tell them exactly what's going on. If they still refuse there's something wrong, I'd go to see another doctor. You deserve the best help and advice. Sometimes the doctors who don't understand can be very triggering as well, so just remember that they don't always know what they're talking about. Try and see a specialist, as they WILL know what they're talking about.

Stay strong my love. You can do this <3

~Laura

[gymnastxxLeah]

So my appointment is next tuesday. I'm not quite sure what kind of things they're going to ask or what to expect... But there's nothing I can do until then.

[x_sepi_x]

Well done sweetheart! I'm so proud of you, as is everyone else on here!
You're taking them steps to recovery and it's normal to feel the way you have been

And yeah definately know what you mean about the doctors being patronizing, one of the nurses at the hospital I was in was like that but Like Laura said you just have to grit your teeth, be strong and take them steps forward that you need to do to get better.

As for next weeks appointment, just keep it cool and stay strong till then.

Well done once again!

Sabah <3

[survivor16]

I completely agree with Sabah. Just stay strong, and wait to see what they ask you.
You can't be sure of what they are going to say, every therapist is different. But remember to be honest!

You could always journal about some things you might want to say? Or just how you are feeling to hold on until next week!

Remember, you are doing good! Be proud!!

Shelby

[Coexist.]

Leah,

I'm so, so proud of you for getting a start in your recovery. Recovery is scary, you're not completely sure where you're going, or if that is what you want. You want happiness, yes, but you don't want to lose the control that you've been having over the disorder. However, as you are probably well aware of, you are not in control of this disorder, it is in control of you. You do not have to suffer alone, your doctors will help you, and we will always be here for support. PLEASE keep us updated as you find out more, and go through the recovery process. We'll be here every step of the way!