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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Jessa95 Offline
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Angry Not my voice coming out of my mouth - September 11th 2012, 04:35 AM

My disorder is out of controle. I lost weight and the hospital wants me back because my heart rate is dropping. I throw food out at school and hide it in my pockets. I say awful things to myself in the mirror and started cutting again. I dont even want to get better anymore and ive almost completly lost the jessica in me. I say things that arnt nice to my family now to and i lie all the time. I think this disease is finally going to kill me and theres nothing i can do. Is there any hope at this point? I keep fighting help.... I keep fighting food. The only thing i dnt fight is my mind. Im letting it win

Last edited by Coffee.; September 12th 2012 at 07:50 AM. Reason: Removed unnecessary triggering prefix. :]
   
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Re: Not my voice coming out of my mouth - September 11th 2012, 04:40 AM

Hey Jessica.
I'm really sorry your struggling right now and I know how hard it is. <3
Are you in any sort of therapy? Whether it be out of the hospital or whatever.
You just have to realize that the eating disorder is the one saying all those terrible things, the eating disorder is the one killing you, not you. It's easier to fight something that isn't you, you know?
Anyways, feel free to VM or PM me. <3
~paula


If you're looking for a sign not to kill yourself tonight, this is it.
"May the odds be ever in your favour"
"A strong person is one who can smile this morning like they weren't crying last night."
Your never alone, I'm always here for you. Shoot me a VM or PM.
   
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Re: Not my voice coming out of my mouth - September 11th 2012, 04:46 AM

Im outpatient at childrens hospital and i was inpatient and now they want me back in again. My disorders soooo strong im so helpless right now and i hate my parents when they try to "help" me. Im stuck in this illness
   
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Re: Not my voice coming out of my mouth - September 11th 2012, 04:28 PM

Hey Jessica,

From the last time I spoke to you, it sounds like things have gone pretty downhill, pretty quickly. I think it's got to the stage where someone else taking charge of the situation in order to save your life is becoming necessary.

Nothing I or anyone else can say to you will suddenly change your mind. Heck, you've identified pretty well what's happened: the eating disorder is trying to take over the Jessica in you. It's trying to steal who you are. You, whether you believe it or not, are stronger than this illness. It can seem hopeless at times, you can feel so weak. It can overwhelm you. If you want to go eat a cookie sweetheart, you can. You hold the key to your own prison. It's not as easy as that, I know. But ultimately, that's what recovery boils down to. You don't have to do it alone, but you do need to stand up and decide to fight. Or yes, you will need to go back into hospital and let them take charge. The eating disorder is tricking you into believing that it's stronger than Jessica. Is it? Nope. It's all an illusion, and that illusion needs to be shattered. Recovery generally starts, or is certainly kick started, by a realization, or something that shatters the lies. Something might click. Someone might say something. You might suddenly realize what you're doing. A moment of sanity. All of these things can give someone the tools they need to recover. I can't break the illusion for you. It might mean you need the children's hospital to help you. But Jessica, I want you to listen to me. I want to talk to you, and not the eating disorder: Jessica, you are stronger than the destructive thoughts in your head. You deserve better. And you are not hopeless. Not by a long shot.

Hold on. You can do this. It's just going to take a bit of work <3



Take as long as you need.
   
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