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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Evanesco Offline
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It's back - November 29th 2012, 05:40 PM

I thought I had things sorted. I was eating three meals a day, and I was beating restricting and I was beating the binges because I was getting my eating reasonably normal. My weight is pretty stable at the moment, I'm not gaining or losing, and it's healthy. I haven't cut in ages. I'm dealing with the anxiety. I've only been working out when I wanted to.

But all of a sudden I feel shit again. Today I couldn't eat. I had a snack when I got home because I wanted to eat, and it wasn't much but now I feel so sick, not physically, like in my head, because I want it gone. :/ I don't even want to lose weight right now. I'm not thinking 'I'm too fat.' I just don't want to eat. I feel like a pig eating. Not fat, just horrible for eating. I don't get this. I understand when I feel fat. I know what's happening in my head when I feel fat. I just feel like shit right now and I hate the thought of eating and the food in my stomach is making me hate myself even more and I really, really want to cut and I feel really lost and alone right now. I don't understand these feelings. I thought things were getting better.

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Kindred Offline
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Re: It's back - November 29th 2012, 07:40 PM

Hester. Come here <3 Cuddles for you m'dear.

Okay. You already know pretty much everything I have to say, but eh, you can never hear it enough- right? Eating disorders are tricky, sneaky bastards. They do whatever they can to manipulate, confuse and trick you. Don't be fooled. You have been doing brilliant. Absolutely brilliantly, and I am so, so proud of you. "You haven't come this far to fall of the earth." Don't for one second let yourself slip back there, kay? There will be good days and bad days, but I'd also like to add that there will be good weeks and months as well as bad weeks and months. Don't give up.

Something I read earlier today that struck me as a brilliant idea was this: Make relapse prevention cards. Like revision flash cards (aren't we all familiar with those ). On one card, write all the things your eating disorder has taken from you. On the other side, all the things recovery has given you. On another card, write down 5 things that have helped you deal with eating disorder thoughts in the past. On another, write some positive affirmations. You see the general idea? It's a quick way to get yourself motivated.

You are doing fantastically. And you're gonna get there, I promise.

Head up <3

Take as long as you need.
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