TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives


You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Cora Offline
Daydreamer
Not a n00b
**
 
Cora's Avatar
 
Name: Cora
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Location: Winchester

Posts: 76
Join Date: July 13th 2012

Addicted - November 29th 2012, 08:23 PM

Hey everyone, I really don't want to clog up the forum with my issues but I really don't have anywhere else to go.
I still fast from time to time (I don't cut anymore even if I'm really tempted), I just can't stop, I think I am becoming even more addicted. When anyone makes comments (e.g. my mum saying if I don't eat all day I'm starving my body) it almost satisfies me because I want to starve my body and I want to clean myself of fat and ugliness. I truly think I have an eating disorder now, but I can't seek help.

My lovely closest friends know that I fast from time to time and they are nice about it ("it's your body" kind of attitude) and sometimes remark on how strong my willpower is; but I still could never tell my family or a therapist. I go to sixth form college next year and I want to be thin by then, but I'm also terrified that I'll be treated as "Miss Anorexic" if they find out about my fasting there.

I'm so scared that my fasting and depression will never leave me, that one day they'll completely take over. I'm really lost.


"I think there is beauty in everything. What ‘normal’ people would perceive as ugly, I can usually see something of beauty in it."
— Alexander McQueen


Last edited by SparklingWine; November 30th 2012 at 03:02 PM. Reason: Removing un-necessary prefix
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Honey Muffin Offline
Member
Average Joe
***
 
Honey Muffin's Avatar
 
Name: Kamrin
Age: 25
Gender: Female

Posts: 144
Blog Entries: 5
Join Date: November 5th 2012

Re: Addicted - November 30th 2012, 03:13 AM

Hi Cora don't feel bad for posting in the forum..we're all here to help after all♥ Is there a reason you feel like you can't seek help? It doesn't sound like your friends are taking this too seriously. ED's aren't something to just brush off & ignore, but those who haven't gone through it don't really understand. Maybe if you talk to one of them about it they'll see how serious it is & realize you're having a hard time with it. If you need someone to talk to I'm here & I know others on here will be willing to listen. Stay strong


When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.

   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
SparklingWine Offline
Normality, my friends.
Jeez, get a life!
***********
 
SparklingWine's Avatar
 
Name: Lynds :)
Age: 27
Gender: Grill ;)
Location: Seattle

Posts: 7,232
Blog Entries: 197
Join Date: February 19th 2009

Re: Addicted - November 30th 2012, 03:15 PM

Hey there,

First. I want to let you know that your friends should never be okay with you fasting. I don't think they realize how unhealthy it is to starve yourself. Loss of hair, heart failure, pale blue skin, brittle nails, missed period, etc. Comments like "It's your body, you can do what you want", to me, is completely inconsiderate. And to be honest, it's not helpful as it can actually fuel your eating disorder. If I'm way off here, I do apologize. I just don't think they understand that ED's are serious, and it's more than just 'fasting'. But of course, your friend only know what you tell them.

And when it comes to you feeling satisfied when your mom says your starving yourself, that's your ED talking. You can't listen to that part of yourself. because let's be honest, are you REALLY satisfied? Are you happy with your body and the way things are going. If you're TRULY satisfied, then all this is pointless. You have to be the one to see the real effects of an ED. And to be completely honest with you, nothing can get better if you don't want it to. And it definitely won't get better if you don't talk to people about this. But that's up to you, and no one else.

I sincerely do apologize for coming across as blunt, but I think there are a couple things going on here that warrant it a bit. And it's all out of tough love. Trust me, I completely understand what you're battling right now. I really do. That's why I'm saying the things I'm saying. If you want to get better, than you have to step outside of your comfort zone and talk to a therapist and your parent. There is nothing comfortable about ED recovery. I can promise you that. But you wouldn't be recovering if it was comfortable. But the outcome definitely is worth it.

Keep this in mind.

Take care.


  Send a message via AIM to SparklingWine Send a message via MSN to SparklingWine  
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Kindred Offline
You can handle anything
I've been here a while
********
 
Kindred's Avatar
 
Name: Eyeliner Failure
Gender: Female
Location: Summoners Rift

Posts: 1,910
Blog Entries: 64
Join Date: March 20th 2012

Re: Addicted - November 30th 2012, 03:22 PM

I don't like your friends attitude. That stood out for me most. Not eating is not willpower. It's a symptom of a mental illness. An illness. Not self control.

Okay. So sorry if I was too blunt. That's just something I had to say.

Sweetheart, you need help before this goes too far. I know that's hard and awful but it's necessary in order to save your life- yeah? Starving won't make you thin. It'll make you die.

Sorry I couldn't be of much help, but remember you can always PM me <3



Take as long as you need.
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Cora Offline
Daydreamer
Not a n00b
**
 
Cora's Avatar
 
Name: Cora
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Location: Winchester

Posts: 76
Join Date: July 13th 2012

November 30th 2012, 05:25 PM

I don't think 'satisfied' was the right word to use in that context, it's more like "yes, I'm glad you think it will starve my body because I long to be starved because that implies thin".
I don't think my friends understand the seriousness of it and I'm slowly trying to tell them.

I'm just scared that I'll be fat and ugly forever and all I can do to stop that right now is fast and exercise.

But I don't think I can have anorexia because
1. I'm overweight
2. I don't fast all the time
3. Although my periods are weird and I have brittle nails, my hair isn't falling out and I don't have blue skin etc.


"I think there is beauty in everything. What ‘normal’ people would perceive as ugly, I can usually see something of beauty in it."
— Alexander McQueen


Last edited by SparklingWine; November 30th 2012 at 09:05 PM. Reason: Merging posts :D
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
SparklingWine Offline
Normality, my friends.
Jeez, get a life!
***********
 
SparklingWine's Avatar
 
Name: Lynds :)
Age: 27
Gender: Grill ;)
Location: Seattle

Posts: 7,232
Blog Entries: 197
Join Date: February 19th 2009

Re: Addicted - November 30th 2012, 09:13 PM

Starving most definitely doesn't imply thin. It implies unhealthy behaviour. It implies that you have an Eating Disorder. Whether your over weight, underweight, or a normal weight, makes no different to an ED. Because you can still HAVE an ED at any weight you are. Just because you're not underweight, doesn't mean that your behviour isn't a problem. It's not about weight. Going back and forth on fasting doesn't mean you don't have an ED, either. There are several types of eating disorder. Thinking about fasting, fasting, and all that other jazz just indicates an ED. Also, you don't have to have all these symptoms to have an ED. That's just some of many.

I'm not going to list off symptoms, because i don't want you to self diagnose. I really think you need to see a professional. <3


  Send a message via AIM to SparklingWine Send a message via MSN to SparklingWine  
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
Cora Offline
Daydreamer
Not a n00b
**
 
Cora's Avatar
 
Name: Cora
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Location: Winchester

Posts: 76
Join Date: July 13th 2012

Re: Addicted - December 1st 2012, 12:17 PM

I really can't see a professional, I can't tell my mum or anyone so I just can't make it happen.


"I think there is beauty in everything. What ‘normal’ people would perceive as ugly, I can usually see something of beauty in it."
— Alexander McQueen

   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
Coffee. Offline
Condom Queen
TeenHelp Addict
************
 
Coffee.'s Avatar
 
Name: Traci
Age: 26
Gender: she/her/hers
Location: North Carolina

Posts: 8,147
Blog Entries: 639
Join Date: October 29th 2009

Re: Addicted - December 1st 2012, 03:01 PM

Hey there,

Just because you do not have diagnosable anorexia does not mean that you do not have a problem. What you are doing to your body s still very unhealthy, not only mentally as many of mentioned, but physically, you are not doing your metabolism or weight any favors. Fasting can very often lead.to weight gain. Sure, you lose some water weight and muscle, but the number on the scale is not a measure of health.

Is there a particular reason you cannot tell your therapist? That's what they are for-talking about your issues. You can trust them! Maybe you should also reach out to your friends as well, even if they may.not understand, I bet they still care.


I said to the sun, "Tell me about the big bang"
& the sun said “it hurts to become."
Andrea Gibson, "I Sing The Body Electric; Especially When My Power Is Out"
  Send a message via MSN to Coffee.  
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
Cora Offline
Daydreamer
Not a n00b
**
 
Cora's Avatar
 
Name: Cora
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Location: Winchester

Posts: 76
Join Date: July 13th 2012

December 1st 2012, 07:57 PM

I don't have a therapist, if I had one I would talk to them but I can't get one without going through my mum.
I hate that I don't have 'diagnosable anorexia' - I'd love to be able to fast all the time and be underweight but people would make me stop if I constantly fasted and no matter how hard I've tried I can't make myself underweight: it kills me.

It's all gone now.


"I think there is beauty in everything. What ‘normal’ people would perceive as ugly, I can usually see something of beauty in it."
— Alexander McQueen


Last edited by SparklingWine; December 5th 2012 at 03:22 PM. Reason: Merging posts :D
   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
SparklingWine Offline
Normality, my friends.
Jeez, get a life!
***********
 
SparklingWine's Avatar
 
Name: Lynds :)
Age: 27
Gender: Grill ;)
Location: Seattle

Posts: 7,232
Blog Entries: 197
Join Date: February 19th 2009

Re: Addicted - December 5th 2012, 03:18 PM

Again, I'd like to reiterate that being underweight is NOT a factor of being anorexic. So, please, just erase that from your mind.

Second, you're not going to feel better if you don't put 100% into recovery. And if that means telling your mom, then you need to tell your mom. You can't only have one foot across the line and expect to be fully across that. Because your other foot? It's still on the other side. Basically, you recover if you don't put the effort in.

What does "It's all gone" mean?


  Send a message via AIM to SparklingWine Send a message via MSN to SparklingWine  
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
Cora Offline
Daydreamer
Not a n00b
**
 
Cora's Avatar
 
Name: Cora
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Location: Winchester

Posts: 76
Join Date: July 13th 2012

Re: Addicted - December 10th 2012, 08:13 PM

All my strength in resistance in fasting has just gone. I can't tell my mum, I told my best friend that I think I have an eating disorder but it didn't help. I don't want to slip into my old ways but I cannot stop myself


"I think there is beauty in everything. What ‘normal’ people would perceive as ugly, I can usually see something of beauty in it."
— Alexander McQueen

   
  (#12 (permalink)) Old
Cora Offline
Daydreamer
Not a n00b
**
 
Cora's Avatar
 
Name: Cora
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Location: Winchester

Posts: 76
Join Date: July 13th 2012

Re: Addicted - December 14th 2012, 05:13 PM

God, I'm failing all of my subjects at school and I can't do this. I feel like I'm in the ocean being dragged beneath the depths, and no matter how hard I swim, I know I'm going to drown eventually.


"I think there is beauty in everything. What ‘normal’ people would perceive as ugly, I can usually see something of beauty in it."
— Alexander McQueen

   
  (#13 (permalink)) Old
Kindred Offline
You can handle anything
I've been here a while
********
 
Kindred's Avatar
 
Name: Eyeliner Failure
Gender: Female
Location: Summoners Rift

Posts: 1,910
Blog Entries: 64
Join Date: March 20th 2012

Re: Addicted - December 14th 2012, 05:30 PM

I do apologise if this turns into a meaningless ramble, I just came back from walking the dog and my fingers have froze :L

Kay. So where should I start. First, I'm going to challenge the "can't" part. Yes, you can. The voice saying you can't is not you, it belongs to the manipulative eating disorder that wants to kill you. Not comfort, not safety, not light- darkness, danger, and death. That's what eating disorders are. Don't let it trick you into forgetting that for one moment- for every second you aren't eating enough, you lose not only another second of your life, but are also doing sometimes irreversible damage to your body. Your eating disorder wants you dead. People of normal weights die in their sleep because of the damage they've done. Imagine your mum walking in, and seeing her girl dead because of an eating disorder she didn't know about. I always hold that image in my head whenever I'm being tempted to relapse.

You can tell your mum, and I really think you should. She needs to know, unless you can prove to yourself and us you can do this alone. Unless you can wake up tomorrow, and never restrict ever again- she needs to know. And even if you could just stop this right now, you deserve the help and support. I can't make you do anything, you know that. But you can tell her, and I really think you should. I've been where you've been. I know it's hard, I know you feel you can't talk to her. But you can. I did, and I'm alive. Give it a while, and if you keep doing this, you'll not be alive to tell the tale of how you beat your eating disorder. Don't let it win. I know I'm being harsh, but I'm trying to make you see that your ED is the bad guy here, and you need to find the motivation to stand up and fight.

As a side note- you're most likely failing because malnutrition messes up your brain. Eat right, and your concentration will return.

Head up. <3



Take as long as you need.
   
  (#14 (permalink)) Old
Cora Offline
Daydreamer
Not a n00b
**
 
Cora's Avatar
 
Name: Cora
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Location: Winchester

Posts: 76
Join Date: July 13th 2012

December 14th 2012, 06:35 PM

I've been eating normally for a while but nothing's changed. I feel like I may as well fast until I die because I'm too stupid and ugly to ever amount to anything. Even subjects that I used to think I could do well in, I am failing miserably at. I should feel bad that I'm letting down the girl who thought she could succeed, but I can't because I know it was ridiculous for me to think for one second I could amount to anything.

I cannot disappoint my mum any more by telling her I have (or think I have) an eating disorder - her face when I told her my marks for my mock exams was heartbreaking. I've already hurt her enough with my stupidity, overweight body and talentless being.

I'm defeated. My eating disorder can tell me to starve and die now, I don't want to live anyway.

I woke up this morning and found myself with even more stretch marks, I can't stop my body betraying me. It's slowly killing me.

A series of events is slowly making me feel more and more suicidal, I think I can stop these feelings by fasting but I don't know what to do.


"I think there is beauty in everything. What ‘normal’ people would perceive as ugly, I can usually see something of beauty in it."
— Alexander McQueen


Last edited by Coffee.; December 20th 2012 at 10:44 PM. Reason: Merged posts :)
   
  (#15 (permalink)) Old
Coffee. Offline
Condom Queen
TeenHelp Addict
************
 
Coffee.'s Avatar
 
Name: Traci
Age: 26
Gender: she/her/hers
Location: North Carolina

Posts: 8,147
Blog Entries: 639
Join Date: October 29th 2009

Re: Addicted - December 20th 2012, 11:06 PM

Hey Cora,

It's not over today. Your weight is not a measure of your worth, and neither is your eating disorder. Your fasting is not helping you but your eating disorder also does not make you worthless. Your mom will care if you tell her, and you will not disappoint her. You know what will disappoint her? You dying, and that's what could happen if this eating disorder gets worse and worse. Your life is worth it, and you are worth recovery.

First of all, if you are legitimately overweight, you need to see a nutritionist or dietitian for both your recovery along with helping you for your health. There are ways to lose weight and be healthy without harming yourself. But I'm not sure how much of this is about weight, a lot of it is about worth, and about feeling worthless. This is not a way to live. You think that by losing weight, things will get better, but it's not true. By recovering, you will have a better life. There are many reasons to recovery, from happiness, to health, and you can read some of them here. But no matter what, YOU ARE WORTH IT.

Regardless of what your weight is, you have worth. I know how it can feel to be losing interest in the activities and causes that you care about, but you still have those activities! Surround yourself with more people! Get yourself out! Your life does not revolve around food! There are many reasons to live beyond your fasting and eating disorder, you can get inspired by some here.

Also, stretch marks are normal, specifically for your age. I have stretch marks all over my hips and breasts because my body grew very fast. At 15, they were a dark purple on my white skin and it was extremely embarrassing. However, at 20, they are very faded and I can barely see any of them. It's not a big deal, this is a normal part of being a growing teenager.

Last, if you are suicidal, get yourself some help. If you are currently suicidal, call your local emergency number, or check out some hotlines for your areas here. You can also find some alternatives for if you want to harm here. So be strong, we're here for you Cora. <3


I said to the sun, "Tell me about the big bang"
& the sun said “it hurts to become."
Andrea Gibson, "I Sing The Body Electric; Especially When My Power Is Out"
  Send a message via MSN to Coffee.  
  (#16 (permalink)) Old
Cora Offline
Daydreamer
Not a n00b
**
 
Cora's Avatar
 
Name: Cora
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Location: Winchester

Posts: 76
Join Date: July 13th 2012

December 23rd 2012, 10:35 PM

Thankyou for replying.
The older I get and arguably the further I get into an eating disorder, it becomes more evident to me that I have no middle ground: I can only control my intake of food through fasting, and if I do not I have no control.
Today was supposed to be my Christmas, and I feel as if I have eaten so much I'm constantly fighting the urge to vomit: I'd rather never eat again than permanently feel like this.

Sorry, I don't know if this is an appropriate thing to post but I really don't think there's a norm to stick to on this site. Shortly after my posting my previous statement, I went into my bathroom and puked my guts up. After pretty heavy self-loathing for eating how much I did, knowing that it was out of my system was a relief and I felt satisfied (for lack of a better word).
When I was younger (and still occasionally do now) I experimented with sticking my fingers down my throat in an attempt to vomit, for ages I never got the hang of it and by the time I did, I had already fallen into my fasting trap. But is it to late to 'convert' to purging instead of fasting? Honestly, would it be more practical or even healthier to diet that way?


"I think there is beauty in everything. What ‘normal’ people would perceive as ugly, I can usually see something of beauty in it."
— Alexander McQueen


Last edited by Coffee.; December 25th 2012 at 11:21 AM. Reason: Merged posts. :)
   
  (#17 (permalink)) Old
Coffee. Offline
Condom Queen
TeenHelp Addict
************
 
Coffee.'s Avatar
 
Name: Traci
Age: 26
Gender: she/her/hers
Location: North Carolina

Posts: 8,147
Blog Entries: 639
Join Date: October 29th 2009

Re: Addicted - December 25th 2012, 11:23 AM

Purging is not better than fasting, both are extremely.unhealthy and will.lead to unwanted side effects. You do not have co.trol in this eating disorder, but you have complete control in its end; reach out and get yourself help. <3


I said to the sun, "Tell me about the big bang"
& the sun said “it hurts to become."
Andrea Gibson, "I Sing The Body Electric; Especially When My Power Is Out"
  Send a message via MSN to Coffee.  
  (#18 (permalink)) Old
Cora Offline
Daydreamer
Not a n00b
**
 
Cora's Avatar
 
Name: Cora
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Location: Winchester

Posts: 76
Join Date: July 13th 2012

Re: Addicted - December 27th 2012, 11:33 AM

I'm not fasting or regularly purging right now, but I feel so out of control when I'm not. Nevertheless, I want to thank everyone who's tried to help me in this thread, even if I'm not in the right place to overcome an eating disorder.


"I think there is beauty in everything. What ‘normal’ people would perceive as ugly, I can usually see something of beauty in it."
— Alexander McQueen

   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
addicted, ana, anorexia, college, cutting, depression, eating disorder, fasting, fat, ugly

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright ©1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.