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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Welcome me, I'm new!
Previously Starving's Avatar
Name: Kenzie
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Location: Virginia,usa

Posts: 11
Join Date: November 24th 2012

Well shit... - December 1st 2012, 02:08 AM

So... I've been fighting so SO hard lately. 24/7 thinking "i'm not eating my next meal." And still completing despite having a million urges not to. And then today happened.

I went to my friends house and went to the bathroom. Well, there was a scale.
I didnt take off my boots or layers to keep warm. I decided before i got on that i would subtract [edited] pound for that stuff.
It was less than i thought it would be. But it was all the more devestating. I can't even breathe when i think about it. I just start choking on sobs...
What can i do? Everything seems to be over. Its all gone. It all just feels so pointless.

Last edited by SparklingWine; December 1st 2012 at 05:20 PM. Reason: Removed weight figure (Could be triggering to others)
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Coffee. Offline
Condom Queen
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Name: Traci
Age: 28
Gender: she/her/hers
Location: North Carolina

Posts: 8,136
Blog Entries: 639
Join Date: October 29th 2009

Re: Well shit... - December 2nd 2012, 05:15 AM

Hey Kenzie,

Welcome to TeenHelp. I like your UN, especially the "previous" part.

A number on the scale does not measure the worth of your life. There are much more important things in life. Think about all the reasons that you are RECOVERING rather than the reasons that you want to starve. The benefits of starving? A number. Sickness. Sadness. Secrets. The benefits of recovery? Happiness. For more reasons to recover, check out our thread here.

Does anybody at home know about your feelings? Reaching out and allowing yourself to be vulnerable is a necessity if you want to feel better. Maybe start by telling with the adult in your life that you trust the most, from a parent, to a teacher. Then from there, try to talk to a professional, maybe a counselor. Do you have an eating disorder? I do not know, I'm not a doctor or psychologist, I cannot diagnose. but you're not feeling good about yourself, and that's something that everybody deserves.

Stay strong, I'm here if you need.

I said to the sun, "Tell me about the big bang"
& the sun said “it hurts to become."
Andrea Gibson, "I Sing The Body Electric; Especially When My Power Is Out"
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SparklingWine Offline
Normality, my friends.
Jeez, get a life!
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Name: Lynds :)
Age: 28
Gender: Grill ;)
Location: Seattle

Posts: 7,230
Blog Entries: 197
Join Date: February 19th 2009

Re: Well shit... - December 5th 2012, 03:12 PM

Hey there,

It sounds to me like you're not ready to get on a scale yet. Which is completely okay! Stepping on the scale and seeing your weight, whether it went up or down, can be extremely triggering. And it can really affect our moods. I stopped getting on the scale because of how awful it made me feel. I suggest that you try to not get on the scale because of how it makes you feel. It's better to focus on your recovery. Things like that can really affect recovery, so it's not even worth it. I think it would be in your benefit to talk to someone about this. You don't have to battle this war alone. Even the best of soldiers need the help of others. Nothing wrong with that <3

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