Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!

Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

Closed Thread
Thread Tools Search this Thread Rate Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Paper Kitty Offline
Welcome me, I'm new!
Paper Kitty's Avatar
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Location: England

Posts: 3
Join Date: December 8th 2012

Not really an eating disorder, but... - December 8th 2012, 05:53 PM

Note: sorry for the length of this.

I don't actually have an eating disorder, and I never have. I'm sorry if it seems really disrespectful of me posting here - I just don't really know where else to post this.

I guess my main question is: how do you deal with a messed up relationship with food which isn't actually an eating disorder? I don't really know how to eat normally. I don't want this to develop into an eating disorder, yet at the same time I just want to stop eating and lose weight until I'm either a good enough, valid person or I die.

I don't make myself throw up (I have tried a few times, but can never seem to do it properly); I don't overexercise (too self conscious to do anything but walk or exercise in my room, and I rarely really do the second one), I'm not severely underweight and I don't have the self-control to limit my calories for a really long stretch of time.

But for years on and off I've gone through phases of eating very little and losing weight, and then eating normally (but not really normally...doing things like not eating all day and then eating a lot in the evening, or snacking all day but not eating proper meals) and eventually gaining it back. For about a year this stopped, along with my self-harm - I maintained a certain weight for a long time. A few months back I started to get really stressed and upset again and it all came back.

Only this time I hate myself so much that I'm spending more time eating less, though I still have times when I stupidly lose control and eat what feels like too much and hate myself. I've lost weight (not a lot, but over 10% of my weight before, making me technically underweight) and not gained it back, and the only thing I really know is that I absolutely can't gain it back or it'll prove that I'm a stupid, worthless person who can't do absolutely anything right and doesn't deserve to live.

I'm scared to eat because I feel like I'll just lose control and gain weight.

Could this develop into a real eating disorder? Honestly, I don't think it could - in a way it doesn't feel like I'm actually human enough for something like that to happen to me - but I don't know.

You'll probably tell me to get out of this while I can and start eating normally again, but the problem is that to be honest, I don't really know how to eat normally. I'm too scared to eat around people - I haven't eaten with my parents for years and I apart from for a short time last year haven't eaten lunch at school for years, so I just in the privacy of my room. I became vegetarian when I was ten and recently my mum decided I should be on a gluten free casein free diet since there's a possibility I might be sensitive/intolerant to them, which leaves me pretty limited. I get to choose my own meals, and I always feel like the choices I've made are wrong...I'm afraid of big meals or those I don't know the calories of.

Basically, I just don't know what to do. Maybe I should just try to eat as little as possible and lose more weight - then there'll at least be one less thing I completely fail at.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
byuhgirl Offline
Welcome me, I'm new!
byuhgirl's Avatar
Name: Esther
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: Midwest

Posts: 29
Blog Entries: 1
Join Date: November 26th 2012

Re: Not really an eating disorder, but... - December 8th 2012, 11:27 PM

hey hun welcome to the eating disorder club. you definitely have one, most people do not have a relationship with food like that. It's unhealthy and I suggest that you talk to a counselor. good luck pm me if you ever wanna talk
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Paper Kitty Offline
Welcome me, I'm new!
Paper Kitty's Avatar
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Location: England

Posts: 3
Join Date: December 8th 2012

Re: Not really an eating disorder, but... - December 15th 2012, 08:44 PM

Thank you for the reply.

I’m awful at talking to people in real life, but last time I went to the doctor’s she referred me to CAMHS again because of stress/other things even though she doesn’t really know most of this. So I guess this is something I could talk to them about when I finally do see them (which probably isn’t going to be for a long time as they take months over here), though I don’t know if I will, just because I feel so stupid. I’ll probably end up hardly talking at all again. We have a school counsellor too, and I know I could talk to her, but…same problem.

But thanks for the welcome/advice
Closed Thread


disorder, eating

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

All material copyright 1998-2020, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints | Mobile

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.