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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Fenzy Offline
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Question Just slipping.. - December 22nd 2012, 04:17 PM

In less than 3 weeks.. a bunch of weight is gone. And i still am not satisfied. I just restrict all the time, it's the one thing that never leaves my mind. I tell myself, okay, if you have this ONE cookie, you can't eat anything else for the rest of the day. Now I never even feel hungry at all, and when I do eat, I get full soooo easily which makes me feel bloated and depressed. I'm starting to get scared . I don't know what to do. I don't want to stop restricting but I don't want to die either. I'm afraid of telling my parents because I feel like they wouldn't know what to do. I'm the last person on earth they'd expect this from and I don't want to be forced to eat because I'd feel worse. How can I tell my parents and help them understand what this is actually like? I don't want my dad to just go and print off some bull-shit google information -_-. I feel like I'm slipping, getting moodier and moodier and less like myself everyday. So yes, I'm getting scared.
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Kindred Offline
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Re: Just slipping.. - December 22nd 2012, 04:59 PM

Hey Cassie

I'm really sorry you're going through this, darling. But it can be fixed, alright? You can beat this, I promise you.

I'm going to be perfectly honest with you and say that I empathise with you, so so much. This time last year I was exactly like you, I was your age, I was doing the same things you'd been doing, and I described myself as "slipping". I knew what I was doing was bad but I didn't want to stop. The good news is, I'm now in a hell of a better place- I'm eating what I want, when I want it, I have no idea how much I weigh and I'm so much happier than I was before. It gets this good, it really does.

The eating disorder voice is powerful, huh? I'm not going to lie and pretend that it's going to be easy to beat. It isn't. It's going to be hard, but life is worth the fight. You know yourself what will happen if you keep doing this- you're going to die. You aren't giving your body enough fuel, and so it will begin to turn against itself and attack the main processes which keep you alive. I know that's scary, and I also know that's not what you want. Sit still for a second, and just think- what does Cassie want to do with her life? What do you want to be, do, explore? The eating disordered part of you, the part telling you to restrict and that you're fat and not good enough is lying, and it wants to kill you, darling. It wants you to become an empty shell of misery and depression, not happiness and light and hope. You said it brilliantly yourself, fantastically in fact- you're becoming less Cassie and more eating disorder. Imagine the stages of the moon. With everyday you continue to let this disorder dictate to you, the more your moon is beginning to disappear. And finally, if you don't do anything and just let this beat you? Eclipse. I don't want that for you, I really, really don't. I would do so much to protect you from this, because you sound so like me. I can see a lot of myself in you, and I want to stop you taking the path I did. That's not because I want you to "get fat" or "don't care" or "want to be thinner than you", so if your disorder throws any of those accusations at me, tell it to f*** off.

Okay. So what do we do when we have a problem? We look for a solution. In my case, on around the 27th of December, my best friend and I made a deal. If I could turn this around, and start eating right in two weeks, and fix this problem, she wouldn't tell anyone about what I was doing. I didn't manage to fix the problem though. I continued restricting, and so on the 5th January, despite the fact I still had a few days left of my deal, my best friend told my head of year what I was doing. We talked to my head of year because, like you, I was worried about how my parents would react. We thought, because he was a teacher, he might have an idea about what to do. After talking to him, we came up with a plan: I had to tell my parents, or he would. This was something they needed to know. So...that night I did. I waited until they got in from a football match (so 11pm), and then I just blurted it out- which probably wasn't the best thing to do in hindsight, because they didn't react too well, they got very very upset. Letting my head of year talk to them might have been a better idea, because he would have been calmer, and would have been able to explain better. So, that's an option for you- talk to someone at school, and get them to schedule a meeting with themselves and your parents, and get them to talk to them.

You could also consider writing them a letter, or leaving a note. Later in recovery, if there was something I needed to tell my parents, or I was struggling with something, I would send it in a email- I'm better at communicating through technology; I'm less likely to forget what I'm going to say, and I can't stutter or stumble etc.

As for getting your parents to understand, the only advice I can be is being honest. Yes, they probably will read a lot of internet shizz. There are support forums for parents of children with eating disorders, though- and I'm pretty sure the reason my parents are still sane (ish) is because of those forums. Support groups in real life might also be a good idea. Again, just be honest with your parents about what you think will help.

Right. The physical part. Not feeling hungry, or feeling full very quickly is very common- when you don't get enough to eat, your stomach starts to shrink (and your heart slows, digestion screws up, nonexclusive list here). When you start eating normally again, your stomach will naturally stretch back, and hunger cues will return.

You know what you need to do. You're a very smart girl, and very articulate, too. You really have got this, I know you have. I made it through, you can, too. Remember you can always PM me if you'd like a chat, okay?

Recovery is very difficult, and complicated, but something I always refer back to is this page here. It's like a bible (watch out for weight figures, though).

Head up

Take as long as you need.

Last edited by Kindred; December 22nd 2012 at 05:10 PM.
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Fenzy Offline
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Re: Just slipping.. - December 22nd 2012, 06:08 PM

Thank you soso much<3
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Re: Just slipping.. - December 22nd 2012, 10:09 PM

Hello Cassie,

I'm so sorry that you're going through this difficult time right now. I completely understand where you're coming from in regards of not wanting to tell your parents. I had no choice but to tell them, and they reacted very negatively- they think I just need to eat and stop being pickey. They don't even think I have an ED, but you know what? I don't care what they think. I know what I have, and I know what I need. I'm now speaking to a mental health counselor on my own, and it's the best option for me.

I wish I could help you figure out something, but I'm afraid because of your age you're gonna have to tell your parents.

I still get times where I'm not hungry or don't feel hungry... but I eat anyways. My body needs food, even when it has a hard time telling me.

You are beautiful just the way you are.
Looking like a fallen star.
Don't listen to what people say.
They don't know the real you, anyways.
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