TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
EmilyHope Offline
Beautiful<3
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
EmilyHope's Avatar
 
Name: Emily
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Location: In My Own World

Posts: 29
Blog Entries: 13
Join Date: June 8th 2012

Exclamation Relapse: Dear ana - January 8th 2013, 06:28 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of eating disorders, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Dear Ana,
I miss you're pain you gave me. All in return for beauty. Im so depressed, life nothing more than full of opression. I miss my ribs, my hips, and my collar bones. How could I ever banish you? You made me feel in control, for once in my life i felt thin, beautiful.... Reading over my blog and going through my ana photo diary.... I miss the beauty, Ive been eating no more than [EDITED] for the past week, and also barely ate on christmas. Im so fat, so ugly... No one will ever love me... My body is full of scars, head to toe. I cry when i see myself in the mirror, my disgusting body, ribs not as defined. I missed you Ana, Welcome back into my miserable soul. Tomorrow is the day I go cold turkey, no more [EDITED] a day, just water and benifiber, while pushing myself wih my 60 min gym period this semester. Dear Ana, I am in control.


I Don't Know Why I am Doing This To Myself....I Just Can't Help But Scream...What Is Happening To Me?! Who Can Possibly Save Me From Myself?!
-Emily Hope





Last edited by Coffee.; January 8th 2013 at 04:31 PM. Reason: Please do not post calorie numbers, they are triggering and against Code of Conduct. Thanks! :)
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Kindred Offline
You can handle anything
I've been here a while
********
 
Kindred's Avatar
 
Name: Eyeliner Failure
Gender: Female
Location: Summoners Rift

Posts: 1,910
Blog Entries: 64
Join Date: March 20th 2012

Re: Relapse: Dear ana - January 8th 2013, 04:25 PM

Hey,

I know reading through old blogs can be triggering, in the sense you "miss" your eating disorder. I know because it's something I've done myself quite a few times. I'd advise against looking through things that trigger your memory of your eating disorder until you're in a better place, when you're not likely to be triggered into old behaviors.

Not eating is not, in any way, being "in control". It's actually quite the opposite- letting a mental illness run your life is actually being quite out of control. You certainly can't control your body's response to not eating, which is to slow down and actually burn less calories. You can't control your inevitable death from not eating enough. I know I'm being quite harsh, and I do apologise for that- I'm trying to break the illusion you're under. Your eating disorder wants you back, and you've been strong enough to resist it and recover. You've done brilliantly. Anyone can starve- but it takes real strength to fight back and recover.

A dying body is not beautiful. It's not alive. When you starve, you deprive yourself of not only food, but of health, of happiness. Sure life might not be great right now, but there are fantastic times coming. By starving, you might not even live to see these times, and if you do, you'll be too weakened and consumed by your eating disorder to experience them. I know it's a long shot- but you need to hold onto hope. Not eating doesn't fix anything, you've been there, you know this better than I can ever tell you. Can you honestly look at yourself in the eye and say you were truly happy when you were starving?

If you find writing things like this helps (I did) then I'd advise you to keep doing this. Blogging might help, too. Sometimes writing out everything my eating disorder was telling me really helped, and was kinda therapeutic. Music also helped me a hell of a lot, but be aware that sometimes it can be a trigger if you listen to the same music when ill and when recovering- if that makes sense

Head up. I'm always here if you want to talk.



Take as long as you need.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
EmilyHope Offline
Beautiful<3
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
EmilyHope's Avatar
 
Name: Emily
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Location: In My Own World

Posts: 29
Blog Entries: 13
Join Date: June 8th 2012

Re: Relapse: Dear ana - January 8th 2013, 08:45 PM

Music has always been another one of my biggest triggers... but I still listen to it anyway... today was hard, i had stopped completely today and im really really achy, everyone is telling me that im acting funny when i feel like im just the same asi always was... i am so scared that someone will notice... i mean, ppl noticed at lunch but i just said that the school lunches are disgusting so ill just eat later, i dont want the unwanted attention, i dont want people to be scared for me... it breaks my heart but yet i cant seem to stop myself


I Don't Know Why I am Doing This To Myself....I Just Can't Help But Scream...What Is Happening To Me?! Who Can Possibly Save Me From Myself?!
-Emily Hope




   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
ana, dear, relapse

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.