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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
_Headphones_ Offline
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Name: Frankie<3
Age: 27
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Join Date: January 7th 2009

Started purging again - January 13th 2013, 12:03 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So I have ednos and well I have gained so much weight because of my pills I used to take. I'm only eating like one or two meals a day but I started purging two days ago. I've done it before but this time seems different. If I eat all I think about is how the food is going to make me fat and I have to get rid of it or else I'm a disgrace. Today I feel so much fatter than yesterday. The voice in my head is telling me I need to be punished by cutting. I have the urge to cut UGLY and FAT into my stomach. I already have cuts all of my stomach but I need to be punished even more for being fat. And to top it all off my therapist is on maternity leave and I don't know who I am going to see while she is gone but I called and they should be calling me Monday but I don't know if i would be honest with her since I don't know them.


Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
|Member 2007||Senior Community Mentor||Social Media Guru||Resource & Newsletter Editor||Writer||Chat Mod|
|Forum Mod: LGBT, Sexuality and gender identity, Eating Disorders, Self-Harm, Peer Pressure and Bullying, Disability, Good Days, Friends & Family|
|PM/VM|



Last edited by Coffee.; January 13th 2013 at 01:46 AM. Reason: Added a triggering prefix for self harm.
   
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Tara Leigh Offline
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Re: Started purging again - January 13th 2013, 09:42 PM

Well you think your fat? Think again...i wish i was fat.. I am anynfortunate girl whos life might be ruined by anorexia because when i eat i think im gonna explode with lard! I dont think there is anything you can do if you dont eat much and your still fat.. Some people are just fat csomtimes its genetic or not... Mine is purely because im selfconsious about leaving my friends... Please to to my forum about anorexia i really need help.. I beleave you are fine, but im nit a professional soo yeaahh.... Good luck for the future
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
_Headphones_ Offline
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Re: Started purging again - January 16th 2013, 12:14 AM

Can anybody help me??


Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
|Member 2007||Senior Community Mentor||Social Media Guru||Resource & Newsletter Editor||Writer||Chat Mod|
|Forum Mod: LGBT, Sexuality and gender identity, Eating Disorders, Self-Harm, Peer Pressure and Bullying, Disability, Good Days, Friends & Family|
|PM/VM|


   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
SparklingWine Offline
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Re: Started purging again - January 18th 2013, 03:10 PM

Gah. With all the down time, I've not been able to get to this. And it sucks. d: But anyhow, I'm here now!

First, I'm going to talk about the cutting. I've done that to myself, and those exact same words. And it, by no means, helped at all. It just left scars and pain. And sweetie, you don't deserve to feel this kind of pain. Cutting, you know, won't make things better. I know cutting is something that can release pent up negative emotion. And it's a way of punishing yourself. But, logically, you still feel pain, you have scars, etc. That voice inside your head? You control that voice- it doesn't control you. But as long as you see it that way, it will always be that way. You have to learn to take charge. I know it's hard. And it takes a lot of time. Does your counselor know about these voices and SH urges? Your counselor can help you to manage and cope with those.

Speaking of counselor, my current counselor took a leave of absence. I was assigned someone else. At first I didn't feel comfortable confiding in him. But I learned that I needed that support, someone to vent off emotions to. I bit the bullet and called the replacement. He was nice, and at first it was awkward because I don't know him and why should I trust someone I didn't know? But I remembered that he was here to help me, and although I didn't know him, it helped that he let me ask questions to get to know him. And it was nice to vent off to someone who didn't know me. I think it's all in the way you look at it. You can either take advantage of being able to have someone around while your counselor is gone, or you can focus on how you don't know this person therefore it's not going to be helpful. I think you should talk to the fill in. Maybe ask questions to get to know them and get a feel for who they are. You're in control of what you tell them. But I think it's a good idea to talk to them that way all these emotions aren't building and swirling in your head. I hope this makes sense.

I think recovery comes with relapses; it's how we cope with them. So if you relapsed on purging- you can choose to pick yourself and fight off the ED... or your can fall right back into the arms of your ED.It's all in the choices we make. Because you ARE strong enough. Whether you realize that or not. and you deserve to be happy. You don't need to lose weight to be beautiful. I've seen your pictures- you already are beautiful. I know, you probably don't believe me. But I mean it. Things are hard, and have been hard, but that doesn't mean they will always be hard. Keep your chin up, okay? And you can always PM me. I'm more than willing to help where I can, or we can just chat if you want. Take care<3


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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
_Headphones_ Offline
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Outside, huh?
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Re: Started purging again - January 26th 2013, 04:40 AM

Thank you so much for replying I just got a chance to read it because I have been fighting with depression and sleeping most of the day so it's been hard. But I did not cut the word fat or ugly into my skin although I still have the urges to I'm fighting them off. I purged for three days then stopped so thats good. I also called the councilors and they haven't gotten back to me and it's been over two weeks now so I might have to call them again Tuesday if they don't call back. Thank you so much for your reply and I take all you've had to say in mind. Although my pictures are old I've gained a lot of weight after those pictures were taken. But I'm trying to loose weight but with depression and my eating disorder its very hard to do it healthily and with out the thought of purging everything i eat but I'm trying


Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
|Member 2007||Senior Community Mentor||Social Media Guru||Resource & Newsletter Editor||Writer||Chat Mod|
|Forum Mod: LGBT, Sexuality and gender identity, Eating Disorders, Self-Harm, Peer Pressure and Bullying, Disability, Good Days, Friends & Family|
|PM/VM|


   
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