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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Fenzy Offline
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My first meltdown - January 16th 2013, 07:20 PM

My first meltdown last night..
I was just so stressed, anxious and reaaally mad at nothing in particular. But all these emotions are just swirling around my ED. I honestly cried so hard I could barely breathe and all because I was just texting my VERY supportive friend about me maybe going to counseling. She asked me if there was a reason for my eating habits and I honestly don't know anymore. I have no idea what I do what I do.. Life is just so complicated.
You eat, you get fat.
You don't eat, you kill your body.
I don't know what to do anymore. I don't even know WHY I'm not eating. I just don't want to be fat and I get some sick twisted joy out of seeing the numbers on the scale drop. Gaah I'm so messed up!
   
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Re: My first meltdown - January 16th 2013, 08:13 PM

Hunny, you aren't messed up. Having an eating disorder, its a mind thing, wanting to not be fat when in all seriousness, you AREN'T. and meltdowns, they happen. I know they happen, and its okay Really.
Cry? or Bottle it up?
Have a break down, or remain silent?
Crying doesn't indicate that you're weak. It might mean that you've been strong for so long, and since birth, crying has meant that you're alive.
Its great that you have a supportive friend like that, and I do think talking to someone for counseling might help you, as well as make it easier to talk to your parents about it. We all just want what's best for you, and we're all here for you as well girly
stay strong!
   
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Re: My first meltdown - January 18th 2013, 02:48 PM

First, your views on eating is very skewed. Eating doesn't make you fat. That's just it, eating keeps you alive. And if you eat the healthy foods, then you will lose weight. Obviously you need to remain active, but there is no way that eating healthy is going to make you fat. If you're underweight and need refeeding, then yes, you're going to gain weight. But that doesn't mean you're fat, it means your healthy. Your body knows itself best. It's going to try and keep itself alive, and It's going to fight until it wins. Meaning your body will gain or lose accordingly. But on this destructive path, even our bodies give up. And yes, continue on this path for long enough- you will die. And that's the cold hard truth.

Look at your meltdown. Your body is trying to tell you enough is enough. I know for me, when I choose to restrict everything else goes to crap. I get extremely emotional, suicidal, and low. And yes! Eating does help your mood. Eating fuels your brain, helps you to stay alert, strong, mobile, and functional. Eating and staying hydrated is highly essential.

I think it's really good that you're talking to your friend about this. You may not understand your eating disorder, but that's where counseling comes in. You will figure it out and learn how to cope and make healthier decisions. I think it's important that you continue to stay open with the people who care about you. And I definitely think you should consider counseling. It will help. But remember, counseling will not fix you. Only your can fix you. This means you have to work hard and make efforts to feel better.

I hope I'm not coming across as harsh, but the effects of your ED is the harsh reality, and this is just the beginning. So long as your behaviour stays the same, you will continue to feel worse and worse. Your ED will strip you of everything until you've got nothing left and your heart can't take it. Choose life. Because you are worth it.


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