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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Silas Offline
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January 27th 2013, 03:04 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

when i got back home this morning around 6AM, i told myself i was going to take my antidepressant and go to bed. i haven't been on them long enough for them to affect much.

before i was wondering if i should eat the next day (i don't have an ED though) and while i really didn't want to, i decided that if i cut when i got home, i could eat the next day. maybe not purge since i don't really know how.

idk. it's 10pm for me and i haven't eaten all day, i decided i could eat at 12am since i'd be proud enough of a full day. i kind of want to wean down though. i stopped eating breakfast and replaced it with orange juice instead of cereal or toast. liquids don't make me feel as fat and gross as solids.

but i think if i eat at 12am i'll have to cut again or i'll get depressed because i'll end up feeling gross about myself.

i don't know what i'm asking for?

(this might seem like it belongs in the ED thread??? but i don't have an eating disorder and i feel like that would be an insult to people that really struggle with this.)

it's 12am and i'm kind of proud about the full day, but i want to make it two. i've never gone two days.

if i eat now, this is just going to be embarrassing. but ugh, so dizzy. and hunger cramps.

Last edited by SparklingWine; January 27th 2013 at 09:39 PM. Reason: Merging multiple posts
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Re: i don't know. - January 27th 2013, 09:14 AM

Listen to your body - if you're feeling dizzy and having cramps, your body says you NEED to eat. In order to deal with the urge to cut, you could eat something healthy, like some fruit or a yoghurt and then go straight to bed rather than stay up overthinking about the fact that you ate. Are you trying to not eat to lose weight? If so it is important to eat enough for your body to to do all the things it needs to (like send oxygen to your brain, filter your blood etc). Everyone has a basic metabolic rate, which is the amount of calories we need to just do the basic things without any additional exercise (ie sleeping all day). If we eat less than that, our bodies think we are starving and then every time we do eat, our bodies go mad trying to store it as fat. if you google bmr, you can find out what the minimum amount of calories you need.
On the cutting side of things, try to do things to distract yourself. I know that cutting works, but it can be so bad for you in the long run. Try to find an alternative. There's a sticky in this forum with a massive list of alternatives.
Good luck.
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Silas Offline
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Re: i don't know. - January 27th 2013, 09:40 AM

even healthy foods make me feel bad, because it's like, "ew, you ate, why? you don't deserve to eat." i've tried keeping my hands busy but if i do it with the intention of distracting myself from cutting, it doesn't work. i'm upset because i can't even meditate any more. i haven't in so long.

partially, i'm not eating because of self hatred.
another part of me wants to lose weight but that's a secondary thought i don't want to acknowledge. i'm at a healthy weight. i'm average for my family. i'd like to weigh less. i shouldn't.
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Re: i don't know. - January 27th 2013, 09:17 PM

Hey there,

There are a number of different negative effects that not eating can do to your body but I think the most important thing to remember is that it will not make that self hatred you are feeling go away. I have found that the more that a person does not eat the more the self hatred grows. Not eating won't solve anything and in all likelihood you will end up developing some kind of health problems from this.

You said that you do not have an ED and seeing as we are not professionals we cannot diagnose you but what I can say is what you are doing is not healthy and it does come across as some type of disordered eating. You do not want to continue down this path because it could, potentially, get worse.

I think that you should consider looking into counseling to deal with all of this; counseling will give you someone to talk to and a counselor will help you work on figuring out what is triggering all these things. You will slowly be able to work on finding more positive coping skills and get to a better place.

Also, is there anyone in your life who you can talk to about what is going on? I know that can be hard to do but in the end you deserve to have some support and friends and family can be a great resource.

I hope this helped and I am wishing you the best of luck. If you need anything please feel free to PM/VM me.

P.S. I am also going to go ahead and move this to the Eating Disorder forum because I think it is better suited there and you might get more responses that are tailored to the questions. If you do not agree with this please feel free to let me know.

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Re: i don't know. - January 29th 2013, 01:25 AM

i didn't want to post it there myself because i felt it would be insulting to others, but if you feel it belongs here i accept the move. it is probably more fitting.

i forgot to eat today really, and when i started feeling dizzy and light i realized it was because i hadn't eaten and i was weirdly proud and wondered if i could go longer. but i ate when i got home anyway.

it kinda goes in a day of not eating, a day of eating, a day of not eating, and so on. the days i do eat it's like a small meal. but this is really sporadic so i could go months without having this pattern, eating regularly every day.

i have a therapist but i havent seen her in weeks because it's difficult to. she's supposed to see me at school but never does, and i'm deaf so i can't call the place. they never let me have someone else call because they always demand to speak to me and wont understand that i can't do that. and i never have a ride up to the center to make an appointment that way. it is utter hell. i'm on antidepressants but they haven't kicked in yet.
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