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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Fenzy Offline
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What is recovery like? - February 8th 2013, 03:37 PM

What is recovery like? Like what's the first step that your parents took when they found out about your eating disorder?

I feel like I'm at the point where I need to tell someone or I'm gonna get really sick.. I'm dropping more and more underweight and I have bruises all over my legs and I'm always tired and dizzy. I've started purging after eating small amounts of food when I can't get away with not eating. I'm lying to mom and my friends. She told me I'm gonna fade away to nothing so I need to eat. I said I am eating. I want out of this soo bad it's a crappy cycle with crappy thoughts that never go away!

But I'm really scared of recovery. I don't want to gain weight. I don't want to get diagnosed with anorexia or EDNOS or whatever. I feel like my parents wouldn't even know what to do because I'm not skinny enough to be taken seriously. What is recovery like? How did the doctor diagnose you?
   
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Re: What is recovery like? - February 8th 2013, 04:30 PM

You just said you're slipping more and more under weight. That means you're skinny enough. And even so, ED's aren't picky. Meaning, you could be overweight and still have an ED. Short, tall, skinny, chubby, girl, boy, pretty, athletic, lazy, long hair, short hair, sister, brother, aunt, mom. It doesn't matter. Any one of these people can have an eating disorder. There is no one type of person that is more prone to it. And people shouldn't wait to be underweight to get help. Because a wise bird told me that even people at a normal weight can die from various things caused by their ED's.

Recovery is scary. Oh yes. Because your ED, as treacherous as it is- can act as a comfort. That's part of it's game. It's how it keeps it hold on you. But you're worth more than your ED, and pretty soon you will realize that recovery is always a better allie then your ED will ever be. And the closer to "recovered" you are, the more you will understand that. If you're underweight, weight gain might have to happen. But that's okay! Weight gain isn't a bad thing, and your ultimate goal is health, yeah?

Telling your parents is going to be hard. But the chances are- they probably know something is up. You think you're hiding from the world, but it's probably obvious that you're struggling. Especially if you're losing weight quickly, and you're getting bruises. Tell them. You have to be strong. And believe that this is the right thing for you to do. Tell them so they can help. You're worth it. And you have loads of people who care about you. You're more than your ED. And you realize that your ED is killing you- because it is. Take charge of your life <3


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Re: What is recovery like? - February 8th 2013, 04:48 PM

Morning!

First, I want to say I'm probably parroting my gorgeous Lyndseeeee girl. Love her, listen to her, she's full of sense

I'll answer the question in your title first. Recovery is a process. It is painful, it is a relief, it is beautiful. It is learning to live again. It is feeling free. It is being able to go without thinking about food. Recovery is attainable. Recovery is an ongoing project of you. It is terrifying, liberating, amazing and difficult. Recovery hurts. You're going against something that you know, that you use for comfort. No, I won't for a second say that your eating disorder isn't fulfilling a purpose because it is and I'd be lying if saying giving up that purpose was easy. But it does save your life. Eating disorders are like poisonous roses. They will kill you, and it can strike at any moment. Terrifying, huh? Honestly, the best thing I've gained from recovery is overcoming the fear of my heart stopping at any given moment

Right. Personal story time! When I first told my parents, they didn't react well (told you I wouldn't ever lie to you). They panicked because they didn't understand and they wanted to help but didn't know how. My parents did however, save my life. They took me to the doctors once they'd calmed down, which took them about a day, and together, we got me into treatment.

My doctor diagnosed me by asking me questions, assessing me, etc. I was not given a diagnosis until much later. The diagnosis doesn't matter. You know something is wrong, and you know it needs fixed, and the fact you have that insight is brilliant. It means this is going to work. It means you can fight and get back your life and your freedom. In 5 years time, where do you want to be? You can do it. But first you have to beat this thing.

You know what you need to do, kudos to you for that. Now go do it, you beautiful girl. Fight back and show them all how strong you are <3



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Re: What is recovery like? - February 9th 2013, 02:19 AM

I feel like my recovery would be so short though since I'm not THAT underweight.. I can't say numbers on here though. I guess I just have a messed up way of looking at things. I feel like they'd make me gain weight, be like "There, all better" and I'd be miserable with the weight gain because I already see myself as fat at the weight I'm at.
   
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Re: What is recovery like? - February 9th 2013, 02:28 AM

Re read what I said about being under weight. Honestly. Your weigh is only a factor because of your health.
ED is a very mental disorder. Therefore, the amount of time it takes to recover does not depend on your weight.


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Re: What is recovery like? - February 9th 2013, 04:14 AM

I feel like I need to be skinnier though because well, as pathetic as it sounds, I'm waiting for someone to notice. I'd rather have someone notice the weight loss and be concerned about me and approach me and ask if there's something going on, rather than me having to confess. But no one has really noticed or if they have noticed, they have not been concerned enough to take action. I just wanna feel like someone is lookin' out for me and paying attention to me, ya know? I know I am stubborn. But I'm just caught between two choices and the stupid part of my brain wants to continue suffering in silence.. while the smart part of brain knows that I can't go on like this. Life kinda sucks sometimes
   
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Re: What is recovery like? - February 9th 2013, 07:23 AM

Hey hun!
First of all this is already an excellent mind set to be in and I wish that I had recognized this in myself, the last statement you said you wanted someone to notice and people already have. Your mom asking about your weight/ how much your eating is her noticing this. She knows that there is something wrong and I would bet that she doesn't believe you for a second when you say you are eating. As for me with my recovery it was pretty scary (i'm not gonna lie either). My best friend told on me and my dad forced me to a doctor and they did test after test. Just because your body might appear to be ok doesn't mean it actually is, so the tests are very important. I kicked up a fight and only started "trying" to get better when my dad threatened sending me to a hospital and that's when purging really became my best friend. He continued to threaten, but never did anything. You're lucky no one has really noticed yet, people at my school knew and said horrible things. They commented on my food intake or if I went to the bathroom people would make comments about me throwing up my food. Being noticed sucks and sometimes getting better without anyone knowing there was a problem is great! Good luck and if you wanna talk just message me
   
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Re: What is recovery like? - February 9th 2013, 09:12 AM

I'm still half asleep so do excuse me if this doesn't make sense.

Okay. You're stubborn. Want to know something? So am I. And my being stubborn helped me massively in recovery, because it made me stick with it and think 'screw it, I'm going to do to this'. Lynds is right, eds are mental illnesses and food is only one part of the cure. Eternal self acceptable is another one. our it this way, you aren't recovered because you're weight restored. I was weight restored last March or July. I forget. All that happened when I was weight restored was my thoughts became clear and I was able to challenge the irrational thoughts better. :') I am STILL not recovered yet. Recovery is a mainly mental thing, not physical.

're people out and questioning you: the damage to your body could already be quite extreme by the time you become noticeably underweight. You could die before you get there, and that's not a risk I want to take. And there's always the risk that the longer you continue with your eating disorder behaviours, the more entrenched you'll become and still, people might not notice. Some people are not that observant, they might just pass it off as you being ill, they might be scared and deny anything is happening. You need to take responsibility for your own recovery. That's part of it, and its one of the hardest parts. But you can do it beautiful

Head up. We're all here for you <3



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Re: What is recovery like? - February 9th 2013, 02:21 PM

Thank you girls <3
I have 2 friends really wanting me to consider counseling so I might do that. It could be the first step to deciding to tell my parents which is the one thing I'm so terrified to do.But maybe the counseling will help.

Just one more question though, I'm sorry :P
How did you deal with the weight gain in your recovery? I feel like I will be so depressed about it that I will want to just stop the whole recovery. I thought that maybe if I had an exercise plan it would help. But I'd still weigh a lot more than I want to and that will feel so awful.
   
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Re: What is recovery like? - February 9th 2013, 02:44 PM

Okayyyy story time.

So. I've told this story a lot. So if you've heard it, I apologize.

When i was in high school, still ED'ed, I was on the cheer squad. My purging got out of control. I took a step back and realized that every single day (with the exception of sunday) I'm throwing girls in the air and catching them. I was their lifeline as long as their feet were off the ground. We all know that ED's make you weak. Well, I got scared. Scared that I was going to get hurt or hurt someone. So I decided to tell my coach, fully knowing that I would let her down and that I might get kicked off. I was terrified. So I taped the letter to her door. I was in the main office and said she would talk to me later. Well, of course I was an anxious mess. She called me out of class, and I walked to that office shaking. I walked in and started crying. I was so SCARED. But. She was incredibly sweet. She didn't kick me off, she helped me and encouraged me to tell my mother. Every time I didn't eat or was purging, I couldn't cheer in the game or participate in stunting (Oh and she knew, because I was bitchy when I didn't eat. )

Eventually she made me tell my mom. I thought she was going to be so mad at me. I was just as afraid as you were. It was the night after a game. I was exhausted, starving, and emotional. I was sitting in my room, still had my uniform on, and my mom asked me what was wrong. I just broke down and told her. I thought she would be upset. She was extremely loving and supportive. It was so nice! I don't regret telling her for one second. She got me in counseling, and acted as a huge support to me.

Moral of the story, being terrified is natural. You'd be letting people in on something that is so close to you, and that's scary. But the other half of this moral is- just because you're terrified doesn't mean it's going to end badly.

To answer your question about dealing with weight gain. Don't call it weight gain. Call it getting healthy. And if that means gaining weight- then you gain weight. But you're obviously gaining weight for a reason. Besides, there are two types of "gaining weight". Gaining weight because you have unhealthy eating habits (Binging, no healthy foods, no exercise, etc), and gaining weight because it's a lot better for your body. You're the latter. Eating isn't a bad thing and neither is gaining weight. You're going to not like the concept at first. But the further you are in recovery, the more clearly you'll be thinking. Eventually you will understand that your body is thanking you, and that weight gain is vital towards recovery.

<3


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Re: What is recovery like? - February 9th 2013, 03:13 PM

Thanks
I think my mom may have had an eating disorder or disturbance of some sort when she was younger. I remember looking at a picture of her and saying "Wow! You were so skinny!" and she said "Yes, but I didn't do it in such a healthy way. I didn't eat much." My friend says that my problem is that I can't see how skinny I am. I can tell it's taking a toll on my body though. I already had low blood pressure but now I get dizzy every time I stand, I can barely do push ups because my arms feel weak and shaky and I have over 10 bruises on my legs. I also haven't gotten my period yet.. but I don't know if that's related. I'm started to get scared there is something wrong with my body. Which is what makes me want to tell someone so I can get checked out.

Thank you for sharing your story. <3
   
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Re: What is recovery like? - February 9th 2013, 07:17 PM

Well right now i am in recovery for anorexia its a tough journey weight gain has been tough for me but im doing it but its slow


There is always someone who cares about you. It may not seem like it but there is. I can promise you that much.
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Re: What is recovery like? - February 11th 2013, 02:13 PM

Recovery isn't easy, but it seems like you're aware of how hard it's going to be, and how badly you need it. Run with that! Good luck dear. Keep us posted


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