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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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What's happening ? - February 21st 2013, 11:01 AM

Hey, lately, i've been a little bit weird...
Since last friday, i've been restricting myself a lot. I try to eat less, and less. No more sweets. I've been doing a lot of sports. In one week i made more sports than in a month.
I run everyday for an hour, completely obsessed with doing sports. Even if i'm tired, i'm like ok let's do one more exercise.
On sunday it's was my mom's birthday party, they were a lot of food. It made me really anxious, because i didn't want to eat a lot, and i resisted!
But on tuesday, i came back from school, not hungry at all, but i was feeling a little bit sad, even if nothing's wrong in my life. I ate so much in 10 minutes, 16 cookies, plus an entire box of Pooky, so much calories!!!!I even chew some m&m's and split them in the trash because i couldn't take it anymore I don't know if it's consider as a bulimia crise, but i couldn't stop myself. It didn't happen to me since a long time
I was feeling so guitly and ashamed, my stomack was hurting me, i thought i was going to exploded ! I tried to purge, but i couldn't i guess i'm just to weak, so i ran for an hour outside, the more i run, the best i was feeling. I could feel the calories going out of my body, my fat mooving etc.
I thought the running thing and restricting myself was a phase, but not really i'm obsessed with it. Before sleeping, i'm planning what to eat the next day,how many hours of sports...
I'm not "fat", but i don't like my body, and i've lot some pounds in one week, and i still want to lose weight. I'm obsessed with my weight and i can't bear the idea to take back some pounds
I don't know what's going on with me, i'm the first to be surprised by the amount of time i'm running because i've never thought i would have the strenght to continue cause normaly i'm lazy.

Last edited by frison1313; February 22nd 2013 at 08:16 AM.
   
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Re: What's happening ? - February 21st 2013, 01:28 PM

Hey,

Take a deep breath darling. You're not alone in this, okay? We're all right behind you.

It sounds to me like you're struggling a bit with eating right now. There's nothing I can really say it make it better; I'm not a professional and I don't have a magic wand. I can however, offer my support and try to clear things up in your head a bit. :)

Okay. I think the first thing you have to ask yourself is why you're doing this. I'll assume, since you posted this in the eating disorder forum, you have a self destructive motive. I just want to say, regardless of whether this applies to you or not: you deserve food. You're human, and as I once heard someone I admire on here say, food is a right, not a privilege. Another thing, not eating might help you lose weight, but it does so at the expense of your heart, your lungs- your life. Your body will start to shut down, and quite quickly too. You don't need to be super skinny to die from an eating disorder. Hell, you don't even have to lose weight. You might restrict and restrict and not lose anything, and then just drop dead one morning. This is the harsh reality of eating disorders, it's not pretty. You sound like you've realised something isn't up. That's good. That's really good in fact. It means you have a better chance of saving yourself here.

There's a biological reason for the binge. Your body is confused; you're denying it of the thing it really, really needs to live- and so it basically sees food, and is like "gimme gimme gimme". People hate themselves over binges, think they're not "strong". It's bullshit. There's a biological reason, your body is just trying to keep you alive. Think back to the days where food was maybe scarce, and then when people found food, they went mad, binged on it, to keep themselves alive. The way to surely stop the binges? Eat when you're hungry, at least 3 meals a day, with snacks. Also, the exercise will contribute to this needing to binge. Exercising is a type of purging, and if you have no energy to fuel your body for all this exercise, your body has to get it from somewhere.

Chin up, you've got this.
Laura



Take as long as you need.
   
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Re: What's happening ? - February 21st 2013, 05:00 PM

Thank you so much for your support.
It clears my mind, you've said so many true things.
I think i'm doing this because i don't like myself, and doing this help me to do less self harming. I like to destroy myself, it's the only thing i can control and do.
Thank you for reading and taking time to answer, it's so nice thank thank thank
   
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