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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Mum wants me to diet again - February 23rd 2013, 09:16 PM

Sorry for the essay...

A couple of years ago, after binging for years, my mum persuaded me to diet to lose weight. I did, and my eating changed from binging and compulsively eating to barely eating anything, restricting and over exercising and I even started using laxatives and I purged a couple of times. My mum knew things were getting bad although she didn't know the full extent of it. I got some help, I fixed some stuff in my life and I started getting better. But it's really hard to keep on top of and I go back to those behaviours a lot.

Anyway, today my mum said that she's gonna do some diet which involves eating a stupidly small, unhealthy amount of calories two days a week. Apparently it's really healthy and good for you to do that (I'm sceptical about it but whatever). She wanted me to join her. First off I couldn't even believe that after everything, she's asking me to lose weight again, to count calories again, to start starving myself again. I know that it's only two days a week but with me that's a disaster waiting to happen.

And I got upset, told her I didn't want to, and then asked her if she thought I needed to lose weight, and she just looked me up and down without saying anything. And I just burst into tears.

I can't believe this. I'm healthier than I've been in a long time. I'm not skipping meals, I'm eating enough, I'm not over eating, I'm doing well at avoiding binges, I haven't taken laxatives in ages, I'm working out but I'm following a plan and not over exercising and I'm building up muscle (I know I am, I can see the results). I was beginning to feel happier with my body. And then this.

And I feel shit again. Because it's clear she wants me to lose weight. Even though my BMI is healthy, I'm strong and I fit a really small size of clothing.

She even refers to the dark period as my 'anorexic' period. She knows that even though there was no official diagnosis given that it was serious and that I needed the help I got. She knows how hard I try. She knows how much I hate my body and pretty much everything about myself. And she knows that when I was thinner than I am now, I was even more unhappy. She even told me I was getting too thin. And I know I've gained weight, but I've gained weight from borderline underweight to middle of normal. And that's completely natural when you go from restricting to eating normally.

I'm so scared of being fat again.

Sometimes I hate her.


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Re: Mum wants me to diet again - February 24th 2013, 12:08 AM

Hey there,

It can be really hard when our parents say things about our weight because as children we look to them for approval. However, sometimes our parents own issues get in the way of them being there the way they need us too. Your mom could be saying those things to you because they come natural; I've heard numerous accounts of people who have dealt with Eating Disorders and also had to deal with their parents comments. I remember my own mom, who knew I was in treatment making comments like "If you keep losing weight you will look real great." or "If you stay at this weight you will be beautiful." Our parents are people too and that means that they can have their own obsession with weight that can be passed on to other people; sometimes they project their own feelings onto us.

You have said that you feel comfortable where you are at and that is all that matters; being healthy is all that matters. Your mom might make those comments but you have to try and remind yourself that you are doing what you need to do to be healthy and being healthy is so much better than being at a place where you are restricting and damaging your body.

Have you ever thought of talking to your mom about how your comments make you feel and explain that dieting isn't for you? Explain that dieting is some of what started the backwards spiral in the first place? If you don't think that would be wise then don't do it but for some people explaining things to their parents can be helpful.

Remember you are perfectly fine just the way you are. You have no reason to change.


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Re: Mum wants me to diet again - February 24th 2013, 11:49 PM

I know how you feel about your mum asking you to diet. My mum constantly tells me to diet and like you is suggesting I co diet etc with a family member! I don't really have a-lot of advice other than to do what you feel is best for you. And if you feel that a diet will not help and will just set you back then I would suggest that you talk to your mum and tell her how you feel about her asking you to diet.

I honestly don't think that you do need to diet. Be you not who your mum wants you to be perhaps you could even tell your mum you are comfortable with your current weight etc ?

I also know which diet you are on about only today was my mum trying to get my dad to do this diet.



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Re: Mum wants me to diet again - March 1st 2013, 12:07 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by LiveLongAndProsper View Post


Anyway, today my mum said that she's gonna do some diet which involves eating a stupidly small, unhealthy amount of calories two days a week. Apparently it's really healthy and good for you to do that (I'm sceptical about it but whatever). She wanted me to join her. First off I couldn't even believe that after everything, she's asking me to lose weight again, to count calories again, to start starving myself again. I know that it's only two days a week but with me that's a disaster waiting to happen.
Hi,
AS you say and know, that is not the way at all. You should face your mum, tell her how you feel, and ask her not to drive you into the eating disorders hell again! She's probably a good intention but in my opinion she is COMPLETELY WRONG (and doing that kind of diet is bad for her too, by the way).

I hope she comes around, but even if she doesn't, don't let yourself be dragged to that again, seriously.

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Re: Mum wants me to diet again - March 1st 2013, 02:58 PM

I can totally relate to this. My mom used to want me to diet/lose weight. Both my parents put pressure on me to do so actually and while they had the best of intentions it hurt more than anything else because I felt like i was being told I was fat. In fact, it's still really hard for me to have someone criticize my weight, like if someone tells me i have to lose weight or that it's "bad". I had one person (who was a personal training person NOT a certified dietician) try to tell me I have to stop eatting carbs (ex. bread and noodles) and pretty much everything I liked and it was always being pushed on me and he seemed to think it was the only way to lose weight. To me that was extreme and I wasn't going to do it.

I think if you know that this isn't good you need to talk to your mom and tell her that you know that this kind of diet will be bad for you and that you don't want to do it and you would like her to consider choosing a different healthier way to live. The idea is to make healthy changes to your lifestyle and NOT to do dramatic things like eating less than is healthy or cutting out certain foods. So telling your mom that you are opening to a healthy lifestyle but that you aren't open to something that is so overboard.

It also might not be a half bad idea to ask your mom to go with you to see a nutritionist, that way the person can talk to you guys about how to communicate about things like food and diet without promoting unhealthy means. It might help to get a professional assessment of how both of you eat. It would be especially good for her to confirm that how you live nutritionally and exercise wise is healthy and that trying to force you onto a dramatic diet would be an unnecessary trigger. She can give appropriate recommendations. I basically think that a nutritionist will just give a healthier more long term perspective. My opinion has always been to do what will work long term. And, for example, cutting out carbs is not a good long-term plan, and eating teeny tiny portions is also not a good long term plan. It might get fast results, but it isn't necessarily a good idea. And I think that's where a lot of people run into problems when they are only having X amount of calories or X sized portions a day, they aren't necessarily eating the right foods and nutritional value is often lacking.

I hope this helps




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