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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Unhappy Can't stop thinking about throwing up - March 3rd 2013, 10:29 AM

I don't know what to say :
I've always loved food, eating... I'm not fat, but i feel fat.
3 weeks ago, i made a crash diet who worked very well. I was so happy with my new body, my thin thighs.. Of course i was restricting myself too much, so i made some "crises". i ate everything in a few minutes, really disgusting, after that i was feeling so guilty that i made a jogging to get rid of all the calories. In one of my crise, my dad entered in the kitchen, i really needed to eat one thing, so i was like i'm going to finish this in my room, but he was talking to me, and i become so agressive because i wanted to eat and he was stepping into my crise. I'm even hiding some food in my room, in case..
I stopped my diet, but i can't stop thinking about my weight. I weight myself 5 times a day, i don't eat dinner anymore so i have to lie to my parents, i can't bear the idea of gaining weight back. I've always eaten well, no problem with eating 3 meals a day but now, it's like food is my enemy. Everytime i eat something i feel bad about it, guilty. I tried to throw up twice, never worked, but everytime i try, i go closer and closer to the goal and i know next time i'll reach it. I can't stop thinking about throwing up even thought i know it's bad. I don't recognise myself, my self harming is getting worse too. I love food but at the same time i hate it. I don't think(i really hope) i'm not developping an eating disorder, i mean, i hope i can handle that..please help

Last edited by frison1313; March 3rd 2013 at 11:08 AM.
   
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Re: Can't stop thinking about throwing up - March 3rd 2013, 07:26 PM

Talk to someone. Whether it be over a hotline or online or in person. Tell someone you can trust. Just make them aware...
That's all I can really say that would help.
Just try not to listen to media's messages; photoshopped/anorexic supermodels aren't always considered beautiful. Beauty is a relative term.
What's defining your definition of beauty?
- Collies R Us


"Be strong and bold; have no fear or dread of them, because it is the LORD your God who goes with you; he will not fail you or forsake you." (Deut. 31:6 NRSV of the Bible)
   
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Re: Can't stop thinking about throwing up - March 4th 2013, 05:24 PM

I think even if you don't think that you are developing an eating disorder that you recognize that something is wrong. You really need to talk to someone who can help you out and diagnose you properly if necessary and support you in developing healthier habits. Because while i cannot diagnose you, what you have described is something I think that you definitely need to ask for help with.




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Re: Can't stop thinking about throwing up - March 5th 2013, 04:30 PM

I did throw up. It feels... good, weird hun?
I don't know if i'm developing an eating disorder, i hope i don't
   
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Re: Can't stop thinking about throwing up - March 5th 2013, 06:01 PM

Honestly, it sounds like you are, at the very least, at having a high chance of having an eating disorder. You shouldn't be liking throwing up.
Please seriously consider speaking with a professional who can help you




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Re: Can't stop thinking about throwing up - March 6th 2013, 02:26 PM

I will seek for help when i'll see my shrink in 2 weeks,
I just wanna feel good in my body
thank u
   
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Re: Can't stop thinking about throwing up - March 6th 2013, 08:51 PM

Hey,

I wish I was, but unfortunately I ain't a doctor, therefore can't diagnose you with anything. But, I know a lot about eating disorders because, well, I've had one, and I read a lot, and talked a lot to people, and basically absorbed information like a sponge.

So, from my very unprofessional but educated view, yes it looks like you have a problem. There should be no criteria for eating disorders other than a disordered view of food. However, medical professionals are often idiots and try to box everyone into specific names and criterias and just ugh. Basically, if you're struggling with food, which you are, you need help and things need to change.

The thing is though, we can fix this. This isn't something over which you have to just accept your fate and carry on your merry way. You can pick the ending to this story. One way ends in death, misery, loneliness and depression. The other, light, life, happiness and humanity. You choose. Oh god I wish it was as simple as that, it's not I know but ultimately it is. Ultimately you're gonna have to make the decision to stop this because it's gonna tear you apart, literally, inside and out. Your heart can just stop at any random moment, your blood pressure can just drop, your whole body can literally give up at any second. And this isn't something that happens when you're "skinnnnnnnnnnnnnny", it can happen anytime you aren't eating enough and engaging in self destructive behaviors like fasting and throwing up. I would list the things I've done to my body if I wasn't so goddamn embarrassed because it's disgusting. I won't even tell my own boyfriend, who is my life, some of the things that happen to me, like spitting up random bits of food, feeling nauseous yet still being forced to eat, shitting, for Christs' sake, will never be the same again, my teeth are disgusting, my mouth is disgusting, my eyes are bloodshot and HURT, my legs, stomach, asshole, stomach lining and throat lining are all scarred...it's just not worth it. Seriously. If I could I'd undo all the shiz I've done in the past few years but I CAN'T. Please don't make that decision. Stop this, get help, get out while you can. This isn't something you want to fall into.

I don't think I've ever written a more heartfelt and embarrassing reply in my life Well that helped me vent slightly, hope it slightly helped you. xD



Take as long as you need.
   
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Re: Can't stop thinking about throwing up - March 9th 2013, 10:01 AM

I'm so sorry Harlequin for what happened to you
I'm sorry that you had to write this very personnal message too
I'll try to do my best, but it's hard
   
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