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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Here we go again... - March 19th 2013, 10:08 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of eating disorders, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

So, my bulimia is in full swing again. I'm binging and using laxatives to purge, and I've already wasted so much money. I keep saying I need to stop. I need to flush my laxatives. I need to stop binging or else my weight will skyrocket. But there's also a part of me that really doesn't care. I'm even considering making myself throw up again. I want to tell someone, but... then I think that I could just go a little bit longer, isolate a little bit longer, and just... I don't know anymore. I'm already in so deep, I just figure, why give up now?

To be honest, I don't even know why I'm posting here. It seems pointless, because I'm probably just going to continue doing what I'm doing anyway. But I guess I'm looking for some kind of help, some reason to stop. I don't know.

I could talk to my aunt. I'm living with her now and I know she'd be really supportive and understanding. I just hate to be a burden. All I know is that right now, I could cry but I can't for some reason. I feel numb.

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Re: Here we go again... - March 19th 2013, 11:11 AM

This may not be all that helpful, but I thought I'd give it a shot.

Kylie,
I was just like you with my anorexia. I thought, "Yeah, I can just go a little longer, nothing will happen". Boy was I wrong. I ended up passing out at work (In the middle of the dining room full of residents at a nursing home). Not only was that embarrassing and kind of shameful but I had to go to the hospital and found out I had a concussion from hitting my head off the counter on the way down, then hitting it again when I hit the ground.
Yeaaah, so my parents kinda found out about everything because of that. I have a slow heart, my kidney's are starting to get damaged, my teeth are starting to rot because of the purging.. everything that you can't really SEE happening, is happening. It may not be those things, but purging is really really destructive. The things that it can do are really just so gross and painful.
My counselor told me that there was this condition caused by purging where your throat can start to close up and it is extremely painful. What's even more painful is how they fix it. They shove this thing down your throat (kinda like a balloon) and they literally blow the "balloon" up a bit to open your throat.. ouch right? That's like one of the BEST things that can happen to you. There are so many worse conditions that purging can put you in. I didn't think there was anything happening to my body, I thought I could keep going a little longer. But truth is Kylie, you can't. You have no idea what's happening on the inside of your body. It isn't worth it hun <3 Get help while you still can.

Best of luck,
Cassie
   
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