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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
einstein's dog Offline
charlie
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not an ED but... - March 27th 2013, 03:49 PM

Okay so for about 6 months I've been really paranoid and self conscious and everywhere I go I feel judged. I've never been comfortable eating in front of people other than my main family and close friends. Since I moved to a different city and started a new college I've been eating lunch where no-one else is around, as my only close friend still lives in the old city so we can't see each other a lot. I know it's really bad and highly unhygienic but this place happens to be in a toilet cubicle. It's the only place I can go to be on my own and not be judged. I hate eating anything in public. It doesn't matter if it's healthy food, people still judge heavily. And it's horrible.

But I'm worried about whether this will get worse to not eating sometimes, and then not eating at all.

Every friday afternoon in my music cass we have cake friday, where someone brings in a cake and everyone eats it... except me. Some people are guessing that something's wrong with me and food. For months they didn't notice, but over the past few weeks some of the people in my class have realised that I never eat anything that people bring in... and I think two or three people have realised that I've never eaten in front of them at all (I've turned down invitations to meals out or sweets being passed round and stuff like that), even if I've been with them for more than a day at a time. They sometimes try to insist on me eating with them or ask if I'm okay (quite a lot) or even drag me to the food table. They're getting suspicious and it's making me uncomfortable but I can't talk to them about it. We're not even friends.

So yeh, people are really starting to notice and ask me questions about it but I try and avoid answering them.

Sometimes people stay with me for the whole of lunch on purpose, meaning that I sometimes won't eat because I just can't bring myself to.

I also make sure I walk at least 3 miles a day, followed by around 2 hours of other exercises. I like to keep tabs on my weight and care a lot about when I'll look like everyone else, when I'll look thin.

All I think about is when how I can lose weight and avoid people seeing me eat.

So here are my questions:
How can I lose weight without becoming obsessed about it?
How can I become comfortable at eating around people in public?
   
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Exclamation Re: not an ED but... - March 31st 2013, 09:53 PM

Those definitely sound like the beginnings of a serious eating disorder. I have been suffering from Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa, and Binge Eating Disorder for about two years and what you are saying sounds uncanny to what I was feeling and doing before my diagnosis. I suggest that you talk to a psychiatrist so you can nip it in the bud right away, because it is 1000% not worth it. You may feel ashamed and want to be thinner, but starving is not the right way to do it. It takes over your life, and it ruins you. Please reach out to someone before this gets serious, and message me if you need help or more advice or anything really stay strong babydoll <3
   
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Re: not an ED but... - April 3rd 2013, 02:54 AM

I passed the same things.. I can't even look at fat food or something like that. But my friend has anorexia nervosa and that kind of stuff kills us everyday because we love her. One day I talked to her and I told her that I dont wanna be fat, you know.. WHY EVERYONE IS THIN BUT I'M NOT? and she told me that we must learn from trees, you know they cant talk but they are living things and they can't change their appearance or their structure, but they accept they how they are. So, if we dont like our body, we must accept us how we are and try to work in that thing we donīt like. It's find to want a great boddy or be thin, but we must chance it in the rigth way. I went to a nutricionist and she help me a lot, every week when I lost a pound I felt very proud of my self. And when you exercise you feel better. Now I gain all my weigth again because I get sick and I canīt go to the nutricionist again, and I also eat hipercaloric food that i'm supossed to avoid. But finally, a piece of advice, love you how you are and if you wanna lose weigth do it by the rigth way.. Don't be your own killer, YOU CAN CHANGE YOURSELF BY THE GOOD WAY.. AND REMEMBER KEEP TRYING AND YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL

You can talk to me because we are very alike we pass by the smae things ans it'll be great to talk and help each other.

hugs
   
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Re: not an ED but... - April 3rd 2013, 06:55 PM

This is highly unhealthy. You don't eat in front of people, which, I can assume you aren't eating enough. Yes, people are judgmental- and that hurts. But everyone can be judgmental, and that's something that we will never be able to change. Eating is vital to our health and keeps us going. I highly doubt people will think any less of you if you eat lunch with them. What do you think when you see people eat? Are you judgemental of them? People have better things to do than to judge you for doing something so essential for living. You should try and start small. Bring fruit with you and munch on that throughout the day. Add some veggies as well. When your more comfortable with eating those at school, incorporate things like crackers, or hummus. You don't have to eat a 12 course meal right away, but you should be fueling your body through out your day. Start small and slow.

I think you need to consider seeing a professional about your poor self esteem. What I see from your post is that you are developing something serious. And that's concerning. Your focus should not be weight loss, it should be your anxiety towards food, and improving your self esteem. Then, if you feel you need to lose weight then do it. The above poster is right, you need to accept who you are. Gradually make changes if you feel the need to do so. but go about it in a healthy way. Trust me, having a healthy mindset will make for a healthier your. It's really hard, but you don't want to let this develop into something more serious. Take care of you. And be the best you that you can be. Get help <3


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