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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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EllieBeth Offline
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Name: Elizabeth
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Falling back - April 9th 2013, 05:14 PM

Hey,

Well I used to be bulimic when I was 16, and it sort of got better but never went away. Although I am no longer underweight I still have the urges and temptations. I still binge and purge on occasion. I'm really worried I'm slipping down and starting again, or feeling that I never truly got over my ED in the first place. I'm concerned that my boyfriend or family will discover something is wrong. I'm just obsessed about losing weight. I'm currently the largest I have ever been and clinically obese. I hate myself. I disgust myself. I just miss being thin and the only time I was thin was when I was consistently purging.

I understand eating healthy and exercise but I expect way too much from myself and want to be thin right away. I get anxiety mainly from my body image issues and stay inside or cancel on plans because of how I look.

Will I always struggle in someway with bulimia...will I ever truly be happy with my own body.. and how can a former ED sufferer lose weight without getting sucked back into that negative world..?


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Re: Falling back - April 10th 2013, 03:12 AM

This may be hard, but I think if you want to get better, you need to tell someone. And you CAN recover; I went through a period of self-image issues, and they are GONE. Well, I must admit, sometimes they spring up every now and then when I'm down....The devil needs to quit toying with my head. *sigh* God got me through these issues and many more. Took some time but He got me through this.
The only question I'm qualified to answer is 'Will I ever be truly happy with my own body?'. It depends; are you willing to TRY to be happy with your body? For the longest time, I was wallowing in self-pity; those haunting feelings had almost become a part of my identity. You have to WANT to change. Do some soul-searching, it couldn't hurt. I wish you the best of luck.
And you're beautiful, even if you don't believe it....I probably wouldn't have believed it either a year ago.
God bless you! He can do amazing things.
- Collies R Us


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Re: Falling back - April 10th 2013, 10:56 AM

Hey Elizabeth

I'm gonna answer your last question first in the vain hope it'll give some sense of order to this post In my opinion, someone who has previously had an ED needs to be incredibly, incredibly careful when it comes to losing weight. For example, think of the real reasons you're losing weight- and make sure those reasons don't match up with any of the reasons you held onto your eating disorder. Let me tell you from first hand experience that throughout recovery I've wanted to feel beautiful and my head's first response to that was "lose weight then" and this is wrong. Actually, the best way to feel good about yourself is through changing your thought processes, reminding yourself that you are more than a number but the result of a combination of traits, actions and thoughts. You're a beautiful person not just because of your appearance but because of the things you contribute to the world.

Yes, you can be truly happy with your own body but sweetheart, this doesn't start with losing weight. It begins with self acceptance. And I know that sounds corny and everything, but it's so, so true. I can't stress enough how brilliant it is to "let go" and stop trying to control your weight. Your body has a natural set point, and if you eat to your true hunger and a variety of foods then you'll find it. BMI is bullshit, by the way. Just saying, it was designed as a population measurement and it's use as an individual measure of health is beyond terribly inaccurate.

Fix your head first, then see what the problems remaining are. We're all on your side, keep fighting <3



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Re: Falling back - April 10th 2013, 05:19 PM

Hey there,

I think recovery is a life long thing. Does that mean you'll be unhappy forever? No. It just means that you have to maintain your recovery and emotions probably more than the next person. It gets easier and easier, but that's only if you're actively working through it. Binging and purging could hinder that, and set you backwards if you're not careful. To me, while you're through the brunt of your recovery, you should not be trying to lose weight. Because it's likely it's from an unhealthy mindset. To know if you truly need to lose weight for your health, talk to your doctor. Mention your ED, and they can guide you in a healthy way. But I only suggest that if you won't get triggered through it. In my opinion, you need to work on your self acceptance first.


What does your support system look like? Are you in therapy? Support groups? I think it's really important you establish a support group to help make the recovery process easier. It will also help you to stay on the right track. Talk to your boyfriend in your family. Say you're having a hard time sticking to your recovery plan. If they know, they can help.

It does get better, but that doesn't always mean it's pretty.

Chin up <3


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