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Drowned By My Own Mind; Physically, and Mental Damage - April 17th 2013, 08:15 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of peer pressure or bullying, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I remember when I was younger. . I was the happiest little girl in the whole world, I was so fun to be around and I always had that huge smile on my face. I look back and think how did I get so bad? I look in the mirror and all I feel is guilt, hate, and lies. My mind tells me to be happy, but my actions contradict. I remember in middle school I was always made fun of about my body, and people would call me: Fat, Ugly, Worthless, Gross, Etc. Eventually when you are constantly called those names you start to believe it. Its been so long since people have said those awful things to me, but it's still in the back of my head, telling me that it's still true. . I just thought that if people care so much about how I look, then I'm going to do something about it, do something to show them that I'm not some "Ugly, Fat, Worthless" girl.

I made the biggest mistake of my life. . . Everyday is the same. I've been Bulimic, and Aneorexic for about 3 years now. It's really hard to think that I had something to look forward to in my life, something to make me happy and not have to obsess over ONE thing. My body. . . I just need to feel like everything is going okay, I need to feel like I'm not the only young teenage girl that's going through this, because it really hurts to feel alone, & drowned by my own mind. It really sickens me to realize how I have handled this horrible situation.
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Re: Drowned By My Own Mind; Physically, and Mental Damage - April 17th 2013, 09:13 PM


Well, I may not be very good at giving advice, I can tell you that you are not the only young teen girl going through this. You do not need to prove anything to anyone. I know it is easier said than done but you don't need to spend your life worrying over what other people think of you. I can relate to how you said you used to be a happy and carefree little girl. I used to be energetic, athletic, and soo happy. Back when we didn't need to worry about how we looked or what we wore right? As we grow up, society starts to influence our every move. You gotta have the most expensive clothes, a fake attitude, big boobs and most importantly, you gotta be thin. Back then, we didn't have to worry about that stuff.

That's my dream. To someday go back to that 6 year old thinking where I don't have to worry what goes in my mouth and how it effects my body. I'm in recovery and I'm working towards my dream. I hope you are able to work through this. <3
Everything will be okay.

Sorry if this wasn't what you wanted to hear. I'm not a great advice giver, but I try

Chin up, charge the mountain<3 You are not alone. You can do it.

Only you have the power to say,
"This is not how my story will end"

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Re: Drowned By My Own Mind; Physically, and Mental Damage - April 18th 2013, 06:43 PM


So there isn't much I can say really, apart from, not that I understand but that I can empathize. I think a lot of people would be lying, eating disordered or not, if they said they didn't sometimes wish to be young again with less responsibilities and less pressure. 4

People are disgustingly cruel. But it's their actions that are disgusting, not your body. You are beautiful and although your judgment is clouded by darkness right now, one day you'll see it again. One day, you'll go back to being happy and carefree- not back to the way you were, you've grown up, you've experienced more, you're different, but in a new way. Happiness isn't just for children.
You can't let them beat you that way. You're a gorgeous, strong young person and you can prove them how wrong they were about you, how beautiful you are, by gaining confidence, self esteem and happiness. Being happy is the best revenge to anyone- because happiness is something bullies don't have.

They were wrong about you. Watch this. It's beautiful, just like you- have I mentioned that enough yet? "If you can't see anything beautiful about yourself then get a better mirror, look a little closer, stare a little longer."

You have things to look forward to and one day you're gonna be so glad you held on. You will recover, you will be happy. You can and will do this. Are you in any help, like therapy? Sometimes it can help challenge your negative thoughts and help you realise that starving, binging and purging is not control, it's not revenge, it's not powerful, it's suicide.

You aren't alone lovely. This path has been walked by millions of us. And millions of us have recovered. Millions of us have died. Choose right, choose to walk the path of recovery. You can do it. We're all here, and we're all right behind you. We're here whenever you need to talk, about anything.

Take as long as you need.
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