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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Fenzy Offline
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Stuck. - April 21st 2013, 02:17 PM


So I've been doing alright in recovery. I am eating without a fuss and have put on some weight. But the most important part of recovery is still not there. I have not changed my thinking. I'm still working on this but there's still a bit of denial in me that my weight is even a problem.

Also, my stress and anxiety levels are higher than they have ever been. I thought this would put a stop to the anxiety but holy hell.. When I wasn't eating much, I was happy, therefore, there was not much stress or anxiety. Now that I'm eating more and there's a threat that if I don't continue to progress I will be sent to inpatient, the anxiety is just bigger than ever. I don't have food to focus on anymore so I'm focusing on everything else and I really don't like it. I'm getting that out of control aspect back and that scares me. I wish everything was just normal. Honestly I get so upset all of a sudden without reason and it is just awful. I wish I could just do what I want but what I want is going to kill me. Life just seems so complicated.

Any advice?

Only you have the power to say,
"This is not how my story will end"

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Re: Stuck. - April 21st 2013, 07:30 PM


*Massive hug* welcome to the recovery wagon! I know it sucks, and it sucks, and it triple sucks. But here's the thing: it passes. I was stuck where you were for a long time, wanting to go back but knowing what would happen if I did.

The only advice I can really give you is keep going because you are doing SO well and I know you'll get there. If it helps any, my anxiety, depressive moods and mental state improved massively once my brain had recieved nutrition for a while and had repaired. You need to remember you've damaged your body and that includes your brain and it needs time to recover. Sustained nutrition, that was what I was always told and I told tired and sick of hearing it but it was true. I stuck with the path, I kept eating, and gradually, it got easier. I can tell you 1000% the place I'm at now was worth the journey. I'm happy, not anxious, my mood is more stable, my mental state is generally fantastic.

It took a while for my head to catch up. My treatment team expected my head to recover faster and it didn't; despite eating regularly and continuously I still was plagued by eating disorder thoughts. What helped me massively was getting back into a regular life which my eating disorder wasn't a part of. I made new friends, went socializing, dipped my toe into dating before running back 5 miles and took up new hobbies. I laughed a lot and I cried a lot but it was all worth it and it will be for you, too. You can and will do this and I know I'm doing nothing but ramble but hey. My situation was identical to yours in the inpatient respect; I had to continue recovery or be admitted.

Distract yourself. Challenge the negative thoughts, look for evidence they're false (If I eat this I think I'll gain weight uncontrollably but everyone else around me says this isn't true, maybe I should trust them.) (Going back to my eating disorder would be so easy and a relief, but it will also lead to me risking my life again and being admitted to inpatient) and rationalise rationalise rationalise. Look into CBT online and consider some of the principles and also think about getting a therapist as I hear they're good . Make a positive tumblr, check out this blog here and search the archieves but beware of numbers. Write positive affirmation cards for when you're weak because you're B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L and you need to believe that. The monster insider your head is trying to kill you; you can't let it.

Did I mention you're beautiful? I'm sorry for the mixed up post full of my rambly-ness but I hope if you take anything away from this it's that youre fucking beautiful and you have the world at your feet. "You haven't come this far to fall off the earth."


Take as long as you need.
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Re: Stuck. - April 22nd 2013, 01:59 AM

Sooo kind of like the "if you're going through hell, keep going"?

Thanks, Laura <3

Only you have the power to say,
"This is not how my story will end"

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