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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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SparklingWine Offline
Normality, my friends.
Jeez, get a life!
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Name: Lynds :)
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There comes a point in time where... - May 12th 2013, 11:13 PM

You gain weight every time you eat because your body is used to having nothing in it.
I'm in such denial. I've lost tons of weight. I keep losing. But I don't have an eating disorder because I still eat.
I eat dinner. That's it. I'm so fat and whatever. I'm confused.


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Kindred Offline
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Re: There comes a point in time where... - May 13th 2013, 07:41 PM

Lyndsee Lyndsee Lyndsee Lyndseeeeeeeee! HI! I missed you. We must catch up. On kik, not facebook because facebook notifications are crap :P

There's not much I can say and you're probably goddamn sick of me saying these things but hey, I meant it when I said I'll say them as many times as it needs to be said to get through to you, because I love you and you're...well you're like a comfort to me. When I'm struggling, I know you'll be there. I know you'll be there when I want to talk about sex, James, eating (god my favorite topic), chocolate (or lack thereof) and just anything that comes to mind. So I woulds be very very very sad if anything happened to you. You know this, right? Yeah well I'm saying it again. Gah I'm rambling. That happens when I'm hormonal. Okay. TMI. I really need a filter.

Okay. The not having an eating disorder part. Somewhere inside you, you know. You know what's wrong, you know what you need to do- hell, you tell other people what to do all the time. Putting it into practice...well that's a slightly different matter and do we both know it. Lynds I'm not a doctor but by the time you see this, I probably won't be on staff so I can't get told off for saying this: darling, you have an eating disorder. I don't care if I'm not a doctor. Just because someone is not stick thin does not mean they are not dying, it does not mean they are not in serious, serious danger, but unfortunately people can't see this. Doctors aren't taught about this because our society is so FUCKED and is all about the obesity crisis. Lol, screw that, I'd be more concerned about the hundreds of young people just starting their life that are literally starving themselves to death. It's ridiculous and I know I've said this to you so many times so I'm sorry if you're tired of hearing it...but well I have to say it. I need to get through to you. Baby it's all lies and I wish I could just hold you and whisper the truth into your ears. You're bloody beautiful, absolutely stunning, and if I was in the same room as you right now (after a massive hug) I'd link my pink finger with yours and swear on it. Then stamp it. Because it's the gods' honest truth. I don't know what I can do to get that through to you, have sex with you? Will you believe me then? Because I would, for the record. (Non PG-13? Sorry ).

One of the friends I've made has an eating disorder. She's in recovery, I think she's going inpatient tomorrow because of other issues. That's not the point. The point is, she never felt like she had an eating disorder either, because she actually ate, she never "starved", she generally ate more than diet magazines suggest. And yet? She was hospitalized, she nearly died. There is no... differentiation. There's a line at the number of calories your body needs, as soon as you go under that line, damage is caused. Continuously. You don't play League of Legends, but one of the players in it has an ability that shoots another player and makes them lose health, slowly and slowly until they die. That is not happening to you, my head cannot fathom losing you and I won't lose you Lynds. I need you, you're needed, and I love you. You're not a burden. I'll protect you to the best of my ability and I love you, so so much. You're one of the bravest people I've ever met, I've told you I look up to you a lot.

Want to know a secret? Lynds I still fight, sometimes. It still hurts, sometimes. And there's a hell of a lot of difference between knowing how to do somethign and actually doing it. How much do I know on recovery? Exactly. And I still have to fight. I still have to use something else apart from that knowledge to help me when I'm struggling. Sheer desire to live. When I'm having a bad day, I don't eat for myself. I eat for my brother. I eat for James, I eat for my best friend, I eat because I refuse to let this take another victim. There are days I hate myself. I still eat, regardless. I eat because restricting food is not a way of punishing oneself. If I wanted to punish myself (and I used to want to) I'd find another way because restricting food doens't just punish me it punishes everyone around me. Because they have to pick me up when I fall, no one will let you fade away because they sure as hell didn't let me. I eat because I know I'll feel better. I eat because I know my parents would cry if I didn't. I eat because I know I have a future. And despite all of that? When there was a time I couldn't rationalise it, when I'd rather die than eat? I ate anyway. Because something inside of me wouldn't give up. You have that power. Eat anyway. It doesn't matter if your head is screaming at you, it doesn't matter okay? You need to do this, there is no other choice, this is not control, this is not power, this is...it's nothing. It's just not an option in life.
This whole post is a confusing mush but I don't even care. I love you and I'm here. And now I need a bath xD


<3. x



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