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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Unfulfilled and very confused. - May 17th 2013, 05:50 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

.. NOT SURE if this is triggering but might as well be sure.. dont want to hurt anyone <3

Honestly, I cant remember the last time I really dealt with Bulimia. Honestly, I never really believed I had an ED.

And honestly, I still dont know if i did. If i did, it was of the EDNOS or Bulimia variety... although I desperately wished for Anorexia or a more "weight losing" type of EDNOs. I understand how disordered this type of thinking is, however at the time it seemed reasonable. I hated how I looked, I wanted it to change... I was destructive toward myself and figured that the destruction would be welcome.

Anyways, I feel super unfulfilled now. My recovery seems like bullcrap because I never really experienced a full on eating disorder.

And now im triggered again, and I just want to disappear I dont want to have an eating disorder but I feel the thoughts coming on again and it sucks.

Just venting, thanks.

Sora <3


Just rise above this
Kill them with your kindness
Ignorance is blindness
They're the ones that stand to lose

'Cause they don't even know you
All they see is SCARS
They don't see the ANGEL
Living in your heart
   
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Re: Unfulfilled and very confused. - May 17th 2013, 09:24 PM

Hey Sora,

This thread is really positive to me. It's acknowledging that although you're having a bad time, you admit that you have a problem and are staying to recovery, even if recovery is kind of sucking. See, having behaviors is the easy solution. It lets your eating disorder just kind of take over and do what it whats. Recovery takes work, effort, and strength. So yep, it can kind of suck. But as training for a marathon, it will be worth it!

Have you reached out to somebody about getting help? I know you think that you don't need it or that your behaviors are not anorexia/bulimia worthy, but EDNOS and other habits are just as serious and deserve help as well. I think many people think ED help HAS to be inpatient treatment. There are many other options for getting help, including seeing a counselor, maybe seeing a group, or outpatient. Eating disorder and eating disorder behavior help is customized to your needs and can work with your schedule. It's WORTH it.

Stay strong, we're here for you.


I said to the sun, "Tell me about the big bang"
& the sun said “it hurts to become."
Andrea Gibson, "I Sing The Body Electric; Especially When My Power Is Out"
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Re: Unfulfilled and very confused. - May 17th 2013, 11:55 PM

Thanks for your response <3

Sora


Just rise above this
Kill them with your kindness
Ignorance is blindness
They're the ones that stand to lose

'Cause they don't even know you
All they see is SCARS
They don't see the ANGEL
Living in your heart
   
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