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Evanesco Offline
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Well that was stupid.. - May 19th 2013, 02:03 PM

I weighed myself. I know I shouldn't have but I couldn't stop myself any longer. And I'm officially overweight again.

And then I think I've relapsed. :/ I can't eat. Only small amounts of things that don't really give much sustenance, like salad. All I can think about is how disgusting I am. How I'm worthless. All of the bad feelings are coming back and I don't know how to deal with them. I'd already relapsed cutting and my legs are scarred. I feel so alone and my anxiety had been getting worse and then now this and I don't know what to do. I have no support. I've been discharged from CAMHs and I don't want to go back to them because they made me feel worse about myself.

I don't know what to do, all I seem to know how to do is exercise and not eat and it hurts.

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Re: Well that was stupid.. - May 20th 2013, 02:47 AM

Hey Harry,

I'm so sorry things have gotten worse again. If you're worried about your weight, I'd recommend talking to a doctor. Some BMI calculator can't tell you if you are overweight. Those calculators have no way of distinguishing between muscle and fat, larger bones, or other factors that would actually judge whether or not you need to lose weight.

Do you have any other options for help and counseling besides CAMHS? (Sorry, I'm American, don't know system as well. ) Even if it's a support group or something alternative to what you had been doing, find a way to seek help and acknowledge that it's okay to not always be okay. Find a way to get a comprehensive therapy that can help you with all these complicated feelings such as anxiety, ED issues, SH, etc.

I hope you're doing okay, know you can PM me at any time, okay?

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Re: Well that was stupid.. - May 20th 2013, 03:57 PM

I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time. The scale can only tell you so much about your bodies size, it doesn't account for muscular build or height or anything else, just because you have a higher number on the scale doesn't make you overweight. Even if you are, that's totally ok too. My BMI had told me that I am obese and I have never, ever been obese - overweight, yes, obese, no - and this is is a problem a lot of people have with the BMI where they are a perfectly healthy size but because they have a more solid build it tells them their a bit overweight when they actually aren't, it even tells one of my best friends that she's underweight because she's super petite but is super healthy. BMI isn't the worst thing in the world but it does need to come with a grain of salt because it doesn't account for everything.

If you have been triggered and are relapsing you should reach out for help. Talk to a counsellor or doctor who can help get you back on track with recovery. I don't think that they'll make you go back to treatment if you tell them you want to find a way to work on your recovery from home where you are comfortable. They'd only have you do if it gets really serious. Maybe I am wrong, but if you are working from home that's a reasonable request to me. You need to reach out, it'll be ok. CAMHS isn't the only service around to deal with mental health and addiction, you can call a smaller counselling agency or ask the hospital to refer you to somewhere else. Depending which province you live in look at resources at which ever provincial capital/malor city is closest because they generally have a wider range of services and see if they have any out reach in the cities/towns that aren't by those cities or if they know of the best services where you live. You have options, you can even go back to CAMHS and tell them you need a different approach to your recovery and see what they can do for you Because it is a pretty big organization so they'd be able to do something for you I am sure. But even talking to the hospital would be ok, they often have counsellors or psychologists on hand who can help.
Sorry for the length but you can PM me too if you need to talk more

Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
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