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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Fenzy Offline
Only dogs should fear pounds.
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I need a little push - May 22nd 2013, 12:57 AM

Hey guys,

So I've been doing alright in recovery but I still feel as though I'm picking and choosing what to eat and regretting it. I eat somewhat normally but I feel like I only eat normally if others are watching. Sometimes it feels good to have a nice, healthy meal and I do feel good about it. But a lot of the times the regret is still there. The feeling that I messed up and broke the rules has not gone away. The weight that my doctor has told me is "okay" is what I have my mind set on now. If I'm like 0.1 POUNDS over that weight, I will tell myself that I will fast the next day to lose that weight. I want to go back to being able to control my weight but I also want to be able to not worry about it.

I want to recover for so many reasons..
1. Basketball.
2. My job.
3. Not fainting all the time.
4. Being happy and healthy
5. Making my family happy.

But sometimes I'm afraid that if I let go and be happy and not worry than I'm gonna gain weight and not realize it and it'll be out of control. I want to be in control. But I also want to stop feeling guilty and regretful when I eat bad foods. It's so hard for me to resist eating junk food when it's in front of me. I find myself craving food all the time now and that's what makes me feel like I'm going to go out of control with eating and gaining weight again.

I guess what I need from you guys is a little push.
I want to beat this and be happy with myself but I'm stuck in the negatives right now and you guys always give me that little inspiration to keep going.

Thank you <3

Only you have the power to say,
"This is not how my story will end"

  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Kindred Offline
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Re: I need a little push - May 22nd 2013, 07:23 PM

Guess who it is

Okay so I promise not to write an essay this time but seriously, this is what I do to relax so...xD

You're not doing alright in recovery. You're doing fucking incredible and I am so, so proud of you. Genuinely. I can't say that enough. It takes so much goddamn strength to do what you're doing, I know. Especially in the world we live in. Okay. Advice. Let me see what I can pull out ma magical hat.

The weight your doctor has given you is a guide, and if he/she knew you were using it as a goal that you MUST stick to, I'd imagine they'd abolish it- because sticking to an exact weight is rigid, and eating disorders are rigid...recovery is not. It's about flexibility. Remember the who set point theory thing? Your body doesn't understand target weights. The weight my doctor told me I needed to be turned out to be too low- as my mental state didn't improve until I gained a bit more. Yes, that's terrifying, and yes that's scary- but generally doctors don't understand how your eating disorder will twist information, like it's done here. No doctor is going to give you a weight and say you must stick to it to the 1/100000th of a pound. Your eating disorder is the one that has twisted what he/she has said to this rule. It's not realistic, throughout the day your body changes, water weight, the food you eat, when you shit, pee, sweat etc. It does not stay the same, it will generally stay in the same general range though- when you are eating normally and your weight has stabilized, which it might not yet. I know you don't really have much reason to trust me, because I don't have a doctors degree, but I do have experience

The feelings will stay for a while- they're stubborn. But they will, and I mean this, they WILL go. I don't hear from my eating disorder anymore. My head is my own. Like someone pressed a mute button. I can think clearly, I don't feel any guilt around eating. But get this- the thoughts will only go when you show your eating disorder it has no control over you. Once you let go, once you accept that this is not control, it's actually a complete loss of control to a mental illness, you'll be able to start recovering mentally. Once you let go of the rules, of your illusion of "control" over your weight (are you still weighing yourself regularly? Forgot to ask, I know some doctors will weigh you in front of you as mine did) the thoughts will go away. Don't pay the anorexic voice any attention, get out there and LIVE. Go and do all the things you love doing, you deserve to because you've worked so goddamn hard for this and you deserve to be the happiest girl alive. You're beautiful. Mwah.

Oh and one last note- the losing control over eating and feeling hungry? Dude, you restricted your body, of course it wants fed! Seriously though, extreme hunger is a perfectly normal phase in recovery. I went through it a couple of weeks ago for a few days, and I'm like a year and a half into recovery. Trust me, it passes. Extreme hunger is a phase that will go away if you listen to it and bloody eat! So many people relapse when they experience extreme hunger, when you need to do the opposite in order to make it go away. You will not spiral out of control. Your body doesn't wanna go above its set point anymore than you do.

Make a list of all the things you wanna recover for (in pwetty colours...seriously pretty colours always lighten my mood ) and look at it when you're low. Look at the list i made (well stole from the internet and various places as well as added/edited xD) that's a sticky at the top of this thread. Live life. You're worth it (cue L'oreal advert).

Sending you some virtual strength and I'm sorry for hijacking your thread <3

Take as long as you need.
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Fenzy Offline
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Re: I need a little push - May 22nd 2013, 08:29 PM

Thanks so much<3 I shall make a list! And I shall make it with pretty colors!
I do weigh myself almost everyday but I try not to. I'm tryingto let go.

Thanks for your help

Only you have the power to say,
"This is not how my story will end"

Last edited by Fenzy; May 22nd 2013 at 10:25 PM.
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Re: I need a little push - May 23rd 2013, 05:12 AM

Making a reasons for recovery in pretty colors is a fabulous idea, as Laura is full of them. Maybe we should make a Reasons for Recovery thread for people to post their own personal reasons? That'd be a fabulous idea at some point!

If you need inspiration for building upon your own recovery, as Laura said, we have a great conclusive "Reasons for Recovery" thread here if you're ever starting to feel like the ED is worth it. We also have a great inspiring thread here that has books, songs, quotes, etc.

I also want to personally say that recovery isn't a choice that one day you're like "You know what, I'm going to be better now!" and it's rainbows and butterflies. As much as celebrities like Demi Lovato being out about her recovery is inspiring, it's also sometimes deceiving because I feel often they make it sound like this easy path. It's not. It takes work, and the fact that you're having a bad time and rather than relapsing and looking at thinspo but instead writing on here asking for help shows that you are slowly getting to a much healthier, stronger place and that you are developing better coping skills. And to that, I want to say CONGRATS. Because this is really an important step, being able to reach out and say "Yep, I'm having bad thoughts, can I get some support?" Vulnerability. It's IMPORTANT, because secrets keep you sick.

That's all. I'm just blabbering. Stay strong, okay? We're all here for you. <3

I said to the sun, "Tell me about the big bang"
& the sun said “it hurts to become."
Andrea Gibson, "I Sing The Body Electric; Especially When My Power Is Out"
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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Fenzy Offline
Only dogs should fear pounds.
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Re: I need a little push - May 23rd 2013, 11:01 AM

Thank you <3

I'll check them out.

Only you have the power to say,
"This is not how my story will end"

  (#6 (permalink)) Old
in_recovery Offline
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Re: I need a little push - June 3rd 2013, 04:49 PM

Recovery is a very long road. Even Demmi Lavato has stated that. We're not going to get better overnight. We'll still have bad thoughts for a long time... it's what we choose to do with those thoughts that matters in the long run. I'm proud of you for reaching out for help. I know how hard it can be to ignore the ED and ask for help. That shows me that you're wanting to get better and will reach out to do so.

maybe we should have a Tips for recovery thread? like we each throw out ideas on how to stay in recovery when things get hard.

I'm here to give you that push, just PM me I'm here to help others who are in the recovery boat... Including you.
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