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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Scathach Offline
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Help me? - June 11th 2013, 10:29 AM

I don't know how to start this. I'm sorry.

I started not eating and purging a year ago. Now, every time I see food I feel the urge to purge. I'm already underweight but I still feel and look fat to myself. Sometimes I feel bad, but sometimes I don't care anymore. I tried to talk to people but they don't believe me. They think I'm overreacting and that I can just stop if I want to. But I can't, I really can't. If anything, it's getting worse.
   
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Re: Help me? - June 11th 2013, 03:06 PM

I also don't know how to start this or if this will help you ......but first of all don't apologize, you didn't say anything wrong

I also stopped eating for about a year, I hated myself, I thought I was fat even though I'm probably just average. So I just threw my food away, at first it worked and I was so happy about it (although it wasn't a huge difference), so I continued.
Then, after at least 7 months I had to get my hair cut by my aunt. And she asked if I was eating properly. I didn't know why she asked that, and lied to her; said I ate just fine, and asked her why she asked that question. Her answer : "Well, your hair is just dying" That kinda hit me, since my hair is probably the only thing about myself I feel okay about.

So when we got home, I decided to take a good look at myself. I saw my nails, they were all damaged and they started ripping, my hair didn't look healthy indeed, also I stopped growing taller, I felt tired, sick and just completely worn out. It made me think: "Is this all worth it?" I was finally realized I was slowly destroying my own body. And I guess that was the day that I saw it just wasn't worth it. So I decided to stop, which was incredibly hard. For months I hated myself, I felt disgusting for eating that much food again, I couldn't watch my own reflection in the mirror anymore knowing I gained weight.

After a while it got easier, I don't really know why. Instead of throwing my food away, I decided to work out. First it was hard, but it got easier and more fun. My hair and nails became fine again, I grew a little bit taller, I wasn't feeling tired and sick anymore. And due to the working out I did lose weight, more than I had ever lost by not eating. So I knew I made the right decision.

Right now, I feels like I could just relapse any second. The reason for that is that I injured my knee (my knee cap was dislocated), and I can't work out anymore. I know I gained weight, and again I hate myself. But in the end it's not worth it to start everything all over again. If my knee is completely healed I can work out again, instead of damaging my body any further. It's hard, but I'll find the strenght to get through this.

.........So to get to your story, realize that what you are doing now isn't worth the harm and damage you're doing to your body. I know, it's really hard, but if you just open your eyes and see through the haze of the "addiction" you will see that you're stronger than it. You can beat it. It just won't happen that fast and the people that you've talked to don't know that, they've probably never dealt with it. So, as long as you want to stop, it's possible just believe it

I really do hope this helped, and if you want to talk more, just let me know or PM me
   
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Re: Help me? - June 11th 2013, 04:26 PM

Thank you. I'm trying to stop. It's hard but I will get better? Again, thank you and I hope your knee gets better soon!
   
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Re: Help me? - June 11th 2013, 04:37 PM

You're very welcome
Just don't stop trying, and things definitely will get better
And thank you!
   
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Re: Help me? - June 12th 2013, 08:57 PM

Hey!

Firstly, don't apologise for asking for help- it's what we're here for, and we help because we want to! We're all here backing you up and supporting you.

Firstly, you're not overreacting. You're showing signs of an eating disorder, and although I'm not a doctor, it sure as heck sounds to me as if you have one- and eating disorders are mental illnesses, that need treatment, not something you can just "stop" at any moment. You've been incredibly brave to reach out to someone and ask for help, and just because they've negatively reacted doesn't mean you shouldn't reach out to someone else and get the help you deserve. Eating disorders are tricky to beat and require help, support, love and safety. Both your mind and body have been through hell, it's time for someone to help you. Who've you spoken to? Do you have a school counsellor? Doctor? Parents? Favorite teacher/ close adult friend? Someone who has authority may be able to help you best. I know it's so hard and I admire your bravery, I truly, really do.

Keep your head up. You'll get through this. Recovery is bloody hard, but life is bloody worth it.

I'm always here if you wanna talk x



Take as long as you need.
   
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Re: Help me? - June 15th 2013, 12:52 AM

Hey there!

Please, don't apologize for asking for help, that's what this website is for.

I'm sorry you are going through this and that the person/people you've tried to talk to aren't helping you.

I know how you feel, not many of my friends truly understand what I'm going through either.

Maybe you can join a recovery support group in you're area? That way you’ll have people there who are going through the same thing as you.

Support groups are a great resource to go to when you’re having a hard time, because you’ll receive advice from many people. Also, support groups can help you make new friends, who like you, are going through similar issues and problems.

If you’d like, I could try and find a list of resources in your area for you to check out. I would highly suggest you telling an adult who you trust. They can also be a great resource in helping you get better.

If you ever need to talk, I’m just a PM away, (Hugs)
   
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