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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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Coffee. Offline
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Two problems. - July 9th 2013, 12:01 AM

So. This is awkward to ask advice in here, but let's roll with it.

1) I want to get in shape. I got weighed today by the doctor and although he said I was looking healthy, he was my gynecologist. So that may have just been my cervix. I think I need to lose weight. I know I shouldn't focus on the number, I should get in shape because I want to run a 5k and be healthy and happy, but I don't know how to stop focusing on the numbers of pounds, calories, etc.

2) I'm having trouble eating a healthy amount. I either restrict, or when I try to eat a healthy amount, and I end up eating too much, not a binge, but too much. How do I widen the gap between starving myself and overeating ? How do I know if I'm cutting out a food for my health or ED triggers?

Thanks, warrior loves. <3


I said to the sun, "Tell me about the big bang"
& the sun said “it hurts to become."
Andrea Gibson, "I Sing The Body Electric; Especially When My Power Is Out"
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Re: Two problems. - July 9th 2013, 09:08 AM

Rawr my beautiful girl My biology lesson got cancelled, so I'm curled up in the library writing this. This is of no significance to my actual answer, but I just kinda want you to think that, the fact I'm an actual person, who actually cares about you- these aren't just random words posted on the internet, whatever I say is deep and heartfelt (and probably bullshit- your call ) and sent with so much love and care and hugs as I can possibly fit in.

*Rolls up sleeves* Okay. So. Problem number 1. I'll try and contextualize it before I actually try to help, and I also want to admit something to you: this is out of my comfort zone. I've been in recovery for a year and a half, roughly. I have experienced a lot of things, I have learnt a lot of things. Losing weight safely in recovery is uncharted territory for me, and not something I have any experience with. Because, you see, from what I've read it's borderline impossible, because this desire to lose weight is what pretty much appears to drive eating disorders. Trying to lose weight but recover from an eating disorder that includes restriction is nothing but a contradiction. Other ends of the spectrum. Like trying to keep the "good" parts of your eating disorder, but getting rid of the "bad" parts. You can't do it. Like getting out of a failing relationship. You want to keep the relationship, it keeps you safe, gives you comfort, but it's also killing your soul, it's hurting you. You want to get rid of the bad parts and keep the good parts, but it's just not possible. But don't think I haven't felt like you. About 6 months into recovery I looked into losing weight healthily, no restriction, just a healthy diet with lots of toning exercises and shit. And I talked to someone I trusted about it, a girl called Kate. From what I remember, she told me something along the lines of I was just opening the door to let my ED get back into my life. Generally a lot of people's EDs begin with trying to be healthy, and so do a lot of people's decline into relapse.

That's my take on it. So, I'm not writing off your idea. What I'm proposing is this: work on your recovery first. Recovery comes first. Then, when you're recovered, when you no longer have any disordered views around food, no longer feel urges to binge, or to starve, when you are in what is referred to as "complete remission", if you still want to get in shape, then work on it, But recovery comes first. Heck, there are probably a lot of people who disagree with me, think eating disorders are something that needs to be managed for the rest of your life- making diets a massive no-no, eternally. But I don't believe that. I believe that once you change your attitudes to food and exercise, you'll no longer rely on them as an emotional crutch and have to manage impulses for the rest of your life. However, what I do want to point out is that what I've learned to do and am still learning to do is accept my body the way it is. That's one of the massive parts of recovery, the mental part, and if you're still having urges to lose weight and get in shape, it could be just that your mind hasn't recovered, not that you actually have a desire, as the Traci I know and love, to get in shape.

Second part. This may not be the healthiest of suggestions, but it worked for me: eat out. For a while, frequently eat at places that serve you portions of food. Places that give you a plate of food, places that give you a portion of food on the move. Think Mcdonalds, think ready meals from Walmart. Places where the food is already served up in a recommended portion size. This should help you get back an accurate perception of what is a good portion. However again, I think the best way to do it is just to prepare a meal of whatever size, and eat it until you feel full, satisfied, and your body not your mind wants you to stop eating. If you are full before the meal ends, you made too much, remember that for next time. If you're still hungry, you didn't make enough, have a snack and remember to make your meal bigger next time. But at first in recovery your hunger cues will be messed up, and you might feel prematurely full, or not hungry at all, so the ready meals or whatever they're called in your crazy country might be a good idea. Remember all the stuff I yabber on about, extreme hunger, and stuff like that. Eat, Traci. You know a binge is different to extreme hunger- a binge is eating to fill an emotional hunger and you get through it by distracting and fulfilling your emotional needs with something else. Extreme hunger is eating to fill a physical hunger created by a disordered eating pattern, and the way to get rid of it is to just eat until you're full- the phase will pass.

Right I'm hungry so I'm going to get my bread. Two seconds, I'm not allowed to eat under the library so I'm doing the equivalent of sitting under a table and eating it.

Kay I'm back. So I think this is what I should call the conclusion of a rather extended essay. I just want you to remember something. I want you to remember that you make this site a brighter place (and not just with the bright blue font ). You know you're one of my favorites, and I love you. If I could take this away from you I would, I can't so I'll do something else instead: stand beside you and share the stuff I've learned and that have helped me. Take what's useful, leave what's bullshit, as is per. You will recover Traci, I know it. And as a quick note- every else in life will be easier to deal with when this is gone. Make it a priority,

I love you (have I said that enough?) There's probably more I have to add so if I think of stuff, I'll PM you, and you have any specific questions if I can answer I will do so as quickly as I possibly can, yeah? <3

Laura x



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Re: Two problems. - July 15th 2013, 08:23 AM

Thanks sweetie. <3 I love you, Laura.

For the last week, I've gone back and forth from restricting behaviors to "trying to eat normally" behaviors. It's hard. I'm trying to almost make myself a meal-plan I must follow as treatment does, but it's hard since I always think it's too much. I'm having trouble getting to a middle ground. I really do think I need to lose weight, even if it's not for the number, but just to get in shape. But then I just relapse. Ahh.


I said to the sun, "Tell me about the big bang"
& the sun said “it hurts to become."
Andrea Gibson, "I Sing The Body Electric; Especially When My Power Is Out"
  Send a message via MSN to Coffee.  
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Re: Two problems. - July 15th 2013, 11:03 AM

Cuz if you let yourself think for one second you're not good enough, or you doubt yourself, the disordered part of your mind can jump straight back in and start targeting you and questioning you and make you doubt yourself MORE and then boom! relapse. Which is where in not screwed up countries (you guys really need to catch onto the whole free healthcare thing) treatment comes in, because a nutritionist will come in and sort the food out for you, and it gives you a bit of a fighting tool against your ED, because when you start doubting the portion sizes and thinking it's too much, you remind yourself that something with like a PhD or something made these portion sizes and they have experience. Although, everything seems too much in recovery. Seriously. My nutritionist gave me not enough, I was still really bloody hungry, and yet the disorder part of my mind was still "oh you're eating too much!" Yeah, suck it Laura brain. The bad part. You're a twat.

So. Quick idea. Get someone else to make the meals. Or do the ready meal things. Ask your friend to go to the canteen and grab you lunch, or someone from your university. Your uni do the counselling thing right? From what I remember your uni was pretty crap with support wasn't it? Well tell them what they can do to help: this. Can they get the kitchen to make you a portion and leave it out for you or something? Surely they have someone who can help, and if not send them my direction okay >.>

Also, just so you know as I was writing this I blinked and mascara went allllllll over my eyes. Cuz I'm awesome.

Love ya! <3.



Take as long as you need.

Last edited by Kindred; July 15th 2013 at 11:19 AM.
   
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