What it's like to have an eating disorder
 

Hi everyone!
Alright so for an acting class project we have to write a monologue and perform it. It has to be about something we're not familiar with and we have to research it and stuff.
So I was wondering if anyone would be willing to answer some questions for me about the emotions you've felt going through this.
Here are some of the questions I have.

1. What some of the strongest emotions you felt when dealing with an eating disorder?

2. Did anyone ever confront you about it? And if so how did you respond?

3. Did you ever have a scary moments when your eating disorder lead to dramatic complications? If so what happened? (I.e. passing out, having to go to the hospital)

Thank you so much to anyone who takes the time to read and answer these questions. I understand talking about this could be triggering (hence why I labeled the thread as such), so I'm glad for any of you able to share your experiences. Hopefully I'll be able to pass my class lol.

Thanks guys!!
Kaila :smile

Re: What it's like to have an eating disorder
 

Shame. I was ashamed that I would sink so low to get what I wanted. But then id feel ashamed of eating when I did.


no one confronted me because I didnt have any friends so no one noticed and my parents didnt care.


I passed out a few times, some times in the shower some at basketball practice. I almost choked on my vomit once and that was scary.


If you have any other questions feel free to ask. Im fine with talking about it

Re: What it's like to have an eating disorder
 

Class projects, always so fun.
1. What some of the strongest emotions you felt when dealing with an eating disorder?
Anger and sadness.

2. Did anyone ever confront you about it? And if so how did you respond?
Yes actually they did, my friends did.

3. Did you ever have a scary moments when your eating disorder lead to dramatic complications? If so what happened? (I.e. passing out, having to go to the hospital) Not really, just a few passing out/fainting spells.

Re: What it's like to have an eating disorder
 

1. What some of the strongest emotions you felt when dealing with an eating disorder?
Anger. Dissapointment. Confusion. Sadness

2. Did anyone ever confront you about it? And if so how did you respond?
my mum did.. i lied and told her i was fine.

3. Did you ever have a scary moments when your eating disorder lead to dramatic complications? If so what happened? (I.e. passing out, having to go to the hospital)
a few passing out moments.. i know how to control them now though.

feel free to ask me anything else you might need to know xx

Re: What it's like to have an eating disorder
 

. What some of the strongest emotions you felt when dealing with an eating disorder?
Shame at what i'm doing. Shame at the web of lies i'm spinning. Shame because I dont want to change. Shame, because i'm not strong enough to give up, but not strong enough to go as far as I want. And Fear. Fear that i've lost control. Fear that one day i'll be found out. That one day, I wont be able to carry on.

2. Did anyone ever confront you about it? And if so how did you respond?
Friends confronted me. I denied it. They knew I lied. So then I weakened it down, told them it was no big deal. Mum tried to, I twisted it against her.

3. Did you ever have a scary moments when your eating disorder lead to dramatic complications? If so what happened? (I.e. passing out, having to go to the hospital) The scariest are black outs. Not feinting, but your minds blanks. You find yourself on the floor no recollection of how you get there. I've had a lot of blood in purging, which is really scary.

Re: What it's like to have an eating disorder
 

I felt, stupid, fat, ugly, like nobody ever wanted me around, all in all pretty crappy
My friends would ask me if that was all i was eating, and i'd tell them i didn't like my other food. if they offered me anything, i'd always say i wasn't hungry.
mine never got that bad :)


hope it helps :)

Re: What it's like to have an eating disorder
 

Re: What it's like to have an eating disorder
 

1. What some of the strongest emotions you felt when dealing with an eating disorder?
Hate. Hate for myself. Hate for my body. Hate for how I continue to eat and eat and eat. Constant hate and shame for myself all the time.

2. Did anyone ever confront you about it? And if so how did you respond?
My mum did today, actually. She asked me if I've been making myself throw up and if I've been watchong what I eat because I've apparently lost weight recently...My response was pretty much "Why would I do that? You don't think I'd be that stupid...?" I just shrug and laugh everything off.

3. Did you ever have a scary moments when your eating disorder lead to dramatic complications? If so what happened? (I.e. passing out, having to go to the hospital)
When I fast I feel really weak and dizzy, and I get this pain in my chest and my heart starts beating all funny. It's pretty scary,a nd really isn't fun.

Re: What it's like to have an eating disorder
 

1. What some of the strongest emotions you felt when dealing with an eating disorder?
Shame. I feel ugly all the time, and I hate it when people call me pretty or give me compliments, because I know they cannot possibly be true. Anger at myself for succumbing, breaking down and giving up when I should be strong...
Sadness, because I could never be what my parents deserve.

2. Did anyone ever confront you about it? And if so how did you respond?
my best friend confronted me about it about three weeks ago, asking me,
"where did all of this come from anyway?? you aren't fat or ugly, you're the most beautiful person I know."
And I nearly told her. But I couldn't. I was too afraid she'd hate me... so I told her I was okay, nothing was wrong, and things were t as they seemed. it's nearly a month later and she's only just starting to believe me.

3. Did you ever have a scary moments when your eating disorder lead to dramatic complications? If so what happened? (I.e. passing out, having to go to the hospital)
I fainted in the school bathrooms and someone scrambled over the cubicle door and pulled me into the corridor. I was in hospital for a week, but still, no one knows about my eating problem, I just said I was reallly tired.

Re: What it's like to have an eating disorder
 

1. What some of the strongest emotions you felt when dealing with an eating disorder?
Hate. Hate for myself and food, the way I look and feel. Hate for my friends and family for making it so I can't have what I want. Hate becuase I'm not trying hard enough to get what I want.
Alone, because I can't talk to him about it, he doesn't understand.
Fear that someone would find out what I'm doing to myself.
Denial. . . not sure if that's an emotion.

2. Did anyone ever confront you about it? And if so how did you respond?
I asked for help from a friend. Then denied it's an ED, then got angry at him for saying it was.

3. Did you ever have a scary moments when your eating disorder lead to dramatic complications? If so what happened? (I.e. passing out, having to go to the hospital)
Getting dizzy and week, falling randomly becuase I get so dizzy or can't keep myself standing. . . falling half way down the stairs.

Re: What it's like to have an eating disorder
 

1. What some of the strongest emotions you felt when dealing with an eating disorder?

Shame, frustration, worthlessness, hopelessness, depression and suicidal


2. Did anyone ever confront you about it? And if so how did you respond?

Friends, well not really 'friends' more like acquaintances, said how skinny i m getting, they said it as a bad thing, i said "really? Thank you lol" and they were like "no like really reaslly skinny." then it was awkard.
I also had a teacher confront me about it, she knew, coz she battles with it too, she gave me a book called "good girls do swallow"
My mum would say (more like in a tone of total pissed off 'hate you' tone, which did not help at all)
"you are getting too thin! If you lose anymore weight, im taking you to see someone and ill drag you there if i have to"
i responded by yelling at her saying she didnt know what se was talking about and that i was in the normal weight range and i showed her an approximation given by the bmi on the net.
My teacher , Mr W (who was the only person at the time who knew i had an eating disorder) said "i've been watching you're weight and you're getting too skinny now." - that made me feel so triumphant "YES!" i thoght, "Too skinny is what i want, unhealthy skinny is what i want! ahahaha"
we talked for a while and then his wife turned up (she is a teacher's assistant) and then they both started i think trying to freak me out of an eating disorder telling me all the bad shit that happed to his wifes sister and fdamily when her sister was anorexic" i took it all in but didn't care at all, all i cold think about was "yes i am noticeably skinny now woot!" - fuced up i know.

3. Did you ever have a scary moments when your eating disorder lead to dramatic complications? If so what happened? (I.e. passing out, having to go to the hospital)

One day after fasting for four days, eating nothing but 2 mandarins, i woke up in hte morning to be bed ridden from excruciating nausea, but i couldnt get found out, i had to go to school. so i, with tremendous effort, literally dragged myself out of bed, my body felt like a dead weight. At this point my vision fading to complete blackness and i couldnt see a thing. I felt my way to the bathroom and stripped off and stood in the shower, still unable to see, although while in the shower, slowly it came somewhat visible again. As i stepped out of the shower, a tremendous wave of nausea came over me and my vision once again disappeard and i threw my clothes on and felt my way to the couch. There i lay and passed out for half an hour. I woke to the same nausiating feeling and i knewww what it was from and i knew the only way to make it go away....eat. I asked my brother to get me a bowl of cereal, it went slightly away, then i asked for another and then my body was able to funtion, although i still felt very sick. but now i also felt extremely guilty so i went to school and in a cry for help i told my teacher what had happened. He arranged to take me to the doctor so as my wishes that my parents not find out were kept.

Recently also, since the stage of my ED is now at bulimia and not anorexia, i had had enough (still do) and i took countless amounts of anti psychotics and ended up in the intensive care unit for a week...



wow very sorry for the length of this reply, but it felt good to get it out. xD