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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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SouthernBelle. Offline
I've been here a while
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Name: Anna
Gender: Female
Location: West Virginia, US

Posts: 1,056
Blog Entries: 5
Join Date: November 30th 2010

I hate looking at myself. - October 26th 2013, 04:25 PM

I'm not sure this fits here, so please move it if it doesn't. I figured I might get some good replies from the folks on this board, though.

I suffered through an eating disorder for a year. During that time, I weighed a certain amount that I won't disclose which made me feel very good about myself. I've recovered from that eating disorder, but slipped into a binging habit that I can't get over, no matter how hard I try. I can't fit into my jeans anymore, and I just threw away the biggest pair I had left because I hated the option of even fitting into them again.

I look at myself in the mirror, and I feel like breaking down in tears. I look like my mother. I feel like I look like a mess constantly. I don't know how to handle all of this. I can't get back to eating properly. It's too damn cold to go running - which is the only kind of exercise I really like doing. My bras and underwear are cutting into me, and I won't get bigger sizes because I can't. I will not allow myself to.

I don't look on the outside at all what I feel like I am on the inside. On the inside, I'm brilliant and full of light. On the outside, I'm flabby and dingy and unassuming.

I'm so angry with myself right now. Why can't I stop eating?

Anna's Personal Keys to Happiness
1. Do what you want within the bounds of reason, whenever you want to, and regret nothing. 2. If you have an opinion, don't beat around the bush, or there isn't a point in saying it. 3. Don't keep the company of anyone who won't like you and will try to change you.

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