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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
SouthernBelle. Offline
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Name: Anna
Gender: Female
Location: West Virginia, US

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Gluten hurts my stomach, meat's against my religion, and I'm recovering from an ED. Help. - November 23rd 2013, 06:37 PM

So, long story short.

Gluten makes me sick. It's a huge binge trigger. It triggers the following cycle: Push off crying, eat gluten-y comfort foods, dig hand into bag of chocolate chips, run from kitchen, cry from shame, and then - the worst - avoid people. Like today. My cousin was getting married, and everyone was getting ready but I felt left out and annoyed at my mom, so I went into the kitchen to get something to eat to try and make myself feel better. Bad idea. I ate somewhere between [EDITED] in twenty minutes. Now I'm sitting at home crying while everyone else is gone. I did the same thing last night.

Thing is, when I avoid gluten (like I did the day before yesterday), I feel no urge to binge. I eat until I'm full. I'm more active. I don't lay around and feel sick and disgusted with myself. I don't ignore the family and friends who try to break through to me - in fact, I don't even need breaking through to.

I tried the Paleo/Primal diet, and loved it. But I felt awful because I love animals, and I don't like the idea of eating them. I just don't. So I stopped eating meat. Then I went back to eating gluten, and I've ate nothing but sugar for the past week. I use sugar and gluten to make myself feel better when I feel helpless.

I'm scared because my little brother is starting to learn from my example. Today I caught himself weighing himself on the scale in the bathroom, and he started telling me that he was only overweight because he had a chain on his jeans. I felt like crying. I felt like hugging him and holding him and telling him that everything was okay, that he didn't want to be so hard on himself, because it would only hurt him. But I didn't say anything, because my mom was there and I know she wouldn't have liked me to make a big deal out of what she sees as nothing.

I want to be a gluten-free vegan, but my mom won't buy the right food for me. Gluten makes me mentally and physically sick, meat is against all of my inner convictions and my religion. The stress from all of this is causing me to go days binging and then snap back into extreme calorie restriction and exercise, just to maintain my weight where it's at.

I'm so angry with myself. I'm such a bad example for my beloved little brother. I'm so awful. I'm crying. Dear Gods, what have I done?

Anna's Personal Keys to Happiness
1. Do what you want within the bounds of reason, whenever you want to, and regret nothing. 2. If you have an opinion, don't beat around the bush, or there isn't a point in saying it. 3. Don't keep the company of anyone who won't like you and will try to change you.

Last edited by Coffee.; December 1st 2013 at 06:22 PM. Reason: Please do not post calorie numbers, they are against Code of Conduct. Thanks!
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Not_here Offline
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Re: Gluten hurts my stomach, meat's against my religion, and I'm recovering from an ED. Help. - November 23rd 2013, 06:52 PM

It's very possible you're gluten intolerant...I'm not a doctor to diagnose you but if it makes you feel sick, that's very likely the case. As for meat, that should be your choice. That being said, you're recovering from an ED so you gotta make sure that making these choices is out of personal belief, NOT what ED is telling you to do. You get my drift? a lot of people restrict in their diet and say they're vegetarian/vegan, when really it's to fuel disordered eating patterns. I guess based on what you're saying, if you take out gluten, you'll be fine and be further in recovery. That means you should find a way to get all your nutrients. You don't want to end up nutrient deficient. Best of luck.
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Philomath Offline
Love is > your mistakes
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Re: Gluten hurts my stomach, meat's against my religion, and I'm recovering from an ED. Help. - November 23rd 2013, 10:21 PM

Hi Anna,

I have realized recently that gluten makes me sick as well.
I am finding it frustrating that I cannot eat some of the same foods as other people can, like, I cannot just go make a sandwich anymore, I have to have specific bread. I cannot eat certain chips etc.
It is hard to get used to but as time goes on and you learn what you cann and cannot eat, this process of not eating gluten will get easier. I know because I have friends who are gluten intolerant and they are helping me by telling me what does and does not have gluten and what wheats are okay to eat.
If your mom will not go buy gluten free food or at least stock up on lots of leafy green vegetables, fruits and other healthy food that you can eat such as nuts and other foods because she does not believe you really have a problem, you can go to your doctor and get tested for gluten intolerance. I'm pretty sure there is a way they can test your blood to see if you are intolerant or not. I have not done this yet myself because I've only been without gluten for a week or so now but once I have the time, I think I will go get a test just to be one hundred percent sure this is gluten and not some other problem. Maybe a blood test would be sufficient proof for your mom to make changes in what she buys.
But if when you do not eat food with gluten you feel better and healthier, than it most likely could be correct that you cannot have it. There are many other foods you can eat though like gluten free bread (it is more expensive but your physical and mental health are very important and out way the spending factor in my opinion).
For instance, I'll use myself for an example. I have depression and for a while I've felt rather depressed however, I changed my eating gluten because it was bothering my stomach for a while, I was feeling exhausted and the few days I'd gone without it I felt better. So now, although I still feel depressed, it is not quite the same. There is a link between food intolerances and mental health issues because (using gluten here as the example) when you eat gluten, it does not digest well and makes it harder for your body to absorb nutrients such as vitamins that your body needs to live. I've noticed I feel less tired, more alert and not so distant I guess. I'm not saying it helped me fully or anything but it has helped slightly to change my food.
I hope this helps. I'm new to this too so if you want to talk, I would not mind trying to help you if I can. I have quite a few friends that cannot have gluten so I could ask them any questions for you as well (about foods etc.) Also online you can find a lot of reliable resources too.
Take care and I hoep things improve for you and that you feel better soon.

"i don't care your intentions. I just want you to know my self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go. At the end of the day...I can pick at the pain but I can't cut it away."
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