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ws___ Offline
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Falling back into old thoughts - January 31st 2014, 02:56 AM

Okay, well, I am not really new to this site, someone found out about my old one and I did not feel safe using it anymore. I have been here for a long time, about three years and I was hoping for some more fantastic advice.

I have been struggling with anorexia for a few years now, about 5, with some small sections of those years were I attempted recovery. And bulimia for only about the past 2 years. This is just something that has always been apart of my life, along with suicidal thoughts and self harm.

About 6 months ago I started dating a boy that I feel actually cares about me and is helping me with recovery in all of those areas. I have been 4 months clean in all areas accept the thoughts, of course. I struggle with it constantly, but the thing I would like help on is the thoughts of falling back into my ana/buli ways.

I want to go back so bad because I have gained weight. I am overweight and my boyfriend says I am beautiful how I am and that he likes girls that are heavier. I mentioned that I may loose weight, in a healthy manner, because I hate the way I am and he got completely defensive. He said he would not want to date me anymore if I became "one of those stick girls" is what he called it. I don't know if he means it or if he just said it because he scared I will stop eating again. I am so grateful to him for helping me, but him saying that made me want to go back even more.

I feel like I am not recovering anymore, I am just staying fat to make him happy and like my appearance. It makes me blame him a lot and I get angry at him all of the time now, especially when he brings up food. These feeling are getting in the way of our relationship and it is making me want to fall back into my old coping mechanisms.

Please help me. I want to know how to approach the subject with him and any other advice. Thank you !
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Re: Falling back into old thoughts - January 31st 2014, 06:51 AM

From a personal perspective, i just think that's his way of saying he really really doesn't want you to go back to the depths of anorexia

I'm sorry I don't have time to write anymore, but keep going and I'm really proud of you for starting recovery

Take as long as you need.
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Re: Falling back into old thoughts - January 31st 2014, 03:04 PM

Hey there!

Sorry to hear that you're struggling with thoughts, but I'm glad you're in recovery! That's a huge step to take. I know how you feel - you're so used to these things in your life that they become your normal way of "getting by" but you shouldn't have to get by, you should be able to live to your fullest potential.

Think of how far you've come and how amazing you're doing. I think your boyfriend doesn't know what to say, but he doesn't want to see you in a bad state again so that is his way of saying that. Maybe you could talk to him and tell him that when he says things like that, it makes you feel worse about yourself. Also, you could print information and articles so he can try to understand more.

Best of luck to you. Keep holding on.

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Re: Falling back into old thoughts - January 31st 2014, 03:06 PM

I feel like he is concerned that you will fall back into the bad habits of aneroxia and bulmia. While he did not choose a very good way of expressing that. It is very important that you stay healthy take care of yourself and your body.

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