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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
_Headphones_ Offline
Music Lover

Outside, huh?
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Name: Frankie<3
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: Lost in the music.

Posts: 4,360
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Join Date: January 7th 2009

Going back - April 3rd 2014, 07:49 PM

So as I have said before I have been diagnosed with EDNOS and it comes and goes. I will be fine for awhile but then I will revert back to it.

Anyways I am obese now because of the pills I was on. I got off those pills a while ago and now I am trying to loose the weight. I have a personal trainer and they put me and my grandma on a diet that is less calories than what you are supposed to eat but I really didn't care I was loosing the weight. And sometimes I would skip lunch and eat even less, Well we got tired of it so we stopped dieting for awhile. Anyways we should be going back to it tomorrow hopefully. But that isn't what this post is about. It is 12:43pm and I haven't eaten anything today so far and I'm okay with that but I'm getting lunch. Anyways I want to go back to just eating one meal a day and very little of that meal as possible because I NEED to loose this weight and then if I do end up eating more I'll just purge it. I know this is bad but I was loosing weight like crazy before and now I'm loosing a little but not a lot. so I want to go back to what I know works. It's also a control issue. I have felt so out of control lately and if I go back to this I will at least have one thing I can control. I know it's bad to want to do this but it seems like my only option. I just know once I start dieting again i will be good for about a week or two maybe and then I will slowly start dropping meals to where I am only eating 1 or 2 a day. I don't even know why I am writing this Oh well.

Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Always * Offline
I can't get enough
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Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: Hogwarts

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Join Date: April 12th 2012

Re: Going back - April 5th 2014, 05:18 PM

Hey Frankie, it's ok if you don't know why you wrote the post. Even if you just needed to vent, as opposed to wanting specific advice that's totally ok.
Surprisingly enough, the way that you wrote your post is actually extremely relatable for me, your experience isn't identical, but I have shared similar struggles and triumphs. I used to go to the gym where I was told to eat and restrict my diet, because I struggle with body image and disordered eating this upset me and if anything else it just made my binging habits worse, then I started losing weight like crazy with the help of a real nutritionist (not some trainer at the gym). See, my problem was that I had to make rules; I had "safe" foods and foods I'd call "poison", even though the nutritionist helped me a lot, I was now wanting to purge (instead of just binge), which is why I believe I have EDnos because I don't really fit into just one category for eating disorders and sometimes I'll want to restrict my eating, others I'll want to binge, and other times I want to purge. Any how, so I never really talked to anyone about my disordered approach, sometimes it was horrid, other times I could go maybe even weeks and not feel to bad - I finally talked to my best friend who has bulimia, and that was good for me, we were able to share with each other about how hard it is to do things like go out to a restaurant and eat with friends. Any ways, I stopped losing weight for a while and was travelling: travelling was really damaging for how I view food and my weight, I was totally panicked because I couldn't eat the way I wanted, the "safety system" I had set up was taken away. I wanted to be able to get back on track but it was hard because I was wanting to binge less while taking a break, I thought if I forced myself back on track to soon that I'd want to purge again.... It was always so so so hard for me to NOT follow through with those urges....
Any ways, look, I just wanted to share with you ok. I want you to know that you aren't alone and that other people share similar experiences... And, in fact, I can completely understand where you are coming from in knowing that A) you really are medically overweight and would like to do that and be healthier (which is fair and reasonable) and that B) at the same time you're afraid of the unhealthy mentality taking over (ex. you say you have EDnos) and that's scary because, if you're like me, you hate being in "that place", maybe you see it slightly differently, but I guess it's relatable even if the specifics change.

Honestly, what helped me was seeing a nutritionist (a "real" one, like I said, not some dude at the gym) because, nowadays, even when I get to that place or I slip up and binge or I feel horrible for eating something "poisonous" then at least I am armed with the tools I need to return to a healthy diet, which is what has helped me lose weight and keep it off... I can try to calm down my negative thinking by saying "it's ok, tomorrow I will do better" and I go look at the food I have and see that there's so many things I can have the next day to make it be better... Also, I am stubborn, I have been resisting seeing a professional (the nutritionist wasn't helping me cause I think I have an E I only saw her for healthy eating) but 2 people on this website have been encouraging me to do so, and I think that they're right, it's worth considering; like I think that some sort of relaxation thing will help me, I think I am a bit of a perfectionist, with anxiety issues, who needs to have control while at the same time being distractible and a day dreamer; I think that those conflicting traits affect me, and I think that sports help me, but I would like to find out how art (painting, writing etc.) or yoga/meditation/spirituality etc. can help me: maybe all I need to do is connect to my spirituality, who knows, but I would like to find out... Maybe you should look into that too?
Any how, sorry to babbling away at you about my problems, I am only sharing because I want you to know that you aren't alone and I like to explain why I think certain things might be a good idea based on examples, and in this case I feel like I am the example I need

Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Always * Offline
I can't get enough
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Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: Hogwarts

Posts: 3,186
Blog Entries: 2
Join Date: April 12th 2012

Re: Going back - April 5th 2014, 05:24 PM

PM me if you want to talk ok - we can always be like "recovery buddies" for a lack of better words

Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
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