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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Disgusted. fuck it all - April 26th 2014, 10:50 PM

Getting told by a mental health advisor who specialises in eating disorders that I'm "not at crisis point so you're okay, it's easier for you to get better". Worst slip up in history, she went red after she said it must have realised her error. But then it makes me wonder was it an error, or did she mean it? If I'm not at crisis point I'm obviously fat, I obviously don't look thin or anorexic or whatever else you wanna call it, if I'm not at crisis point I'm fat simple as. If she sees me as fat then shes just confirming what I see of myself, morbid disgusting obese. The worst thing anyone could have said to me, just as I have decided to go back into treatment after almost three years from when I was in hospital and 2 1/2 years since I discharged myself from outpatients. Did she not realise what she said, I've been suffering from this eating disordered behaviour for years almost 10 years. I made the first change to my diet when I was 11, I decided to turn vegetarian so that I did not have to consume all that fattening animal meat, which 11 year old makes that kind of decision and sticks with it all these years on. Im 20 now and still a vegetarian. recently things have been so up and down its been unbelievable, I lose weight and gain weight ive been trying to maintain it so I have enough energy for placement but nothing is right, I need to lose more. I've lost almost Edited stone in 2 months, quite spontaneously and she thinks there's nothing wrong with me. I know it's not right and I cant stop it, which is why I made the decision to get help before I get worse. How can she possibly say im fine because im not at crisis point? no im not fukin fine ive been trying to maintain my weight it fluctuates all the time with bmi's of Edited I can see what I am doing and i don't want to do it but I do, but its a lasting battle in my mind always has been for years, my blood tests come back shit deficient in vitamins iron potassium calcium, if everything physical is shit because of my mental health how the fuck can you say im fine coz im not thin enough. this is the fukin stereotype that fukin kills. Well fuck that then, if she thinks im fat then going bak to outpatients is pointless and a waste of time, they'll also think the same. Fuck it all, I tried to get help but I don't know why I bothered, I could never win this fight, Sheila was right all along, everyone is gonna let me down, EVERYONE

''No pressure, no diamonds''

There may not always be a direct answer to a problem, but there is always a way to get through it.
Strength is the best quality of the human mind and body, and I believe everyone has it; whether they believe it or not. Look for that tiny glimmer of hope deep inside yourself and once you've found it let it blossom, glow and illuminate your life.

I'm always here if anyone wants to talk.

x x x

Last edited by Hypothesis.; April 27th 2014 at 01:11 AM. Reason: Please don't include weight loss numbers/BMIs :)
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Re: Disgusted. fuck it all - May 6th 2014, 09:48 PM

I'm sorry you're struggling so much, I hope thing improve for you. Don't give up.

Can't stop now, I've traveled so far. - Foreigner

I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance. - Garth Brooks

Assoc Live Help Mentor from 11/23/2014-1/17/2015, 8/8/2015-

Live Help Mentor from 1/17/2015-8/8/2015


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